Sad, Sassy, and Otherwise
by Smashmo
Summary: This is going to be a collection of one-shots, drabbles, fluff, and any other non-related ditties that pop into my head. Some will be song-based, others might not. I am open to suggestions and/or prompts! Beca/Jesse centric, but may delve into other characters as time goes on.
1. My Love's Too Big for You

**A/N:** Hello friends! If you followed me here from my other fics, welcome! I have watched Pitch Perfect like a billion times and I am harboring an unhealthy obsession. Seriously, someone find me some help. This is my first Pitch Perfect fic. I'm sorry this first one is so dark and sad. But it's been on my mind and has not let me ignore it! I promise the other handful that are floating around in my circus brain are happier and cuter and what we all wished had happened in the movie! But this one is realistic. And a different take on the Beca/Jesse relationship. I've read quite a few other fics (that have all been truly spectacular, by the way) and most of them have made Beca's walls be an issue. Or the long distance thing. But I haven't seen any that have explored the possibility that Jesse isn't as nice as we think he is. (Just because I haven't seen them, doesn't mean they aren't out there.) However, this kind of writing (breaking apart my favorite couples) is OOC for me as a writer. So this is probably one of the very few times this will happen.

Enough rambling! Let me know what you think! Heads up, I wanted to post this tonight, so any/all mistakes, spelling or grammar errors, or other unsightly things are my own fault. I don't work with a beta, so it's all me!

* * *

She missed him opening things for her. Because as strong as she was on the inside, her tiny frame admittedly made her a weakling on the outside.

It was small things like this the made her ache at the absence of him.

He had been sweet, kind, funny and unendingly patient with her. He had said all the right things, been exactly the definition of a great boyfriend. Her friends were jealous. They _oohed_ and _ahhed _over him, with his chocolatey eyes and wavy dark hair. They giggled and tittered over the sweet, romantic things he said and the grand gestures he made.

She was happy. Enough. But it seemed to be lacking, the whole thing. He was perfect. Their relationship was perfect. It seemed to be perfect, anyway. But somehow, in some way, it wasn't enough.

She missed the way his hand found the small of her back when he led her through doors. The way his smile crinkled his eyes and warmed her core. The way he listened to her so intently, she thought his eyes would singe her skin. She missed his small, thoughtful actions- the way he would bring her a Dr. Pepper, even though she said she was trying to cut them out, but was secretly craving one. Or the way he would brush hair away from her face when they were in an intimate conversation.

It was ridiculous, really. And she would _**never**_admit to anyone that she missed those things. She would never say aloud that she sometimes wondered if she had done the right thing.

Because she had done it for all the right reasons. But it sometimes felt wrong because there had been no fight. No falling out. No dramatic reason for it to happen in the first place.

It started out well enough. His beautiful face made her heart beat to a completely different rhythm than it ever had. So different that it felt as though her heart had never actually been beating before him. His eyes warmed her soul; his laugh watered her. It made her stand tall, proud, and strong.

If she had been stronger, she would have told him no. She would have realized that her love was too big, too special, too important for him. If she had been stronger, she would have left. Gotten up and went. But she didn't. She stayed. His laugh started to flatten her, smoosh her. She let his eyes tell her stories, his mouth speak things that felt like lies. If she had been stronger….

The reasons seemed cloudy at first, but the more she thought about it and stressed over it, the clearer the reasons became. What was muddled and unsure became concrete and certain. What seemed small and inconsequential, she realized turned out to be huge and essential.

It was subtle, and sometimes vague. Which is why it took her a year to realize. There was an air, an attitude about him that smudged her heart. She felt small, diminished and less shiny that she used to feel.

She would never say those words out loud because they sounded girly and completely rebuffed her very way of life. Beca would never admit that beyond her steely exterior, the bitchy, badass attitude she put out, she really had an optimism for life. She felt shiny and excited for whatever life had to throw at her. As much as she tried to communicate that she was totally above it all, way too cool; internally, she wanted all the clichés that life had to offer.

Her shine was gone, and she mourned its loss. Her zest and tenacity had been smudged out by his arrogance, his need to be the brightest, smartest, most attractive person in the room.

She walked on eggshells in order not to hurt his feelings. Because as much as they joked around during their friendship and early stages of their relationship, he took everything she said quite seriously and was slow to forgive if she offended him.

He was not as careful. On the regular, he said things that barely made her flinch outwardly, when on the inside she was breaking. His snide comments and dismissive attitude flecked at her wounded heart. He seemed to be perfect at listening, and being attentive. But while it seemed he was unwavering in his devotion, he was merely coming up with his next response. The measured way he listened to her speak, with attention that made her twitch with discomfort, she realized was really his practiced effort to have the most clever, well-crafted response in the discussion.

His need for acceptance and attention took her from being sassy and clever, with endless things to talk about, to the quietest person in the room. She had no opinions. She had no replies. Not anymore. She stifled her intelligence, stifled her humor. Now, she only served to smile and laugh, and make him look good. She was his toy, a possession for him to do with as he pleased. She was small, quiet. A shadow of her previous snarky, self-assured, independent self.

It was like any other day; the day she woke up and realized everything. She was shocked. She had known all along that the relationship was flawed. But in no way had she ever believed that from the beginning it was destined for ruin. She wasn't normally a person who talked a lot throughout her day. If she had someone important to talk to, or a specific story to tell, she would speak. But if nothing was that important, she could finish a day, saying barely a sentence or two.

This day, however, Beca didn't utter a single sound. Her realization about the main relationship in her life had struck her speechless. She barely breathed. She was overly tentative in every move she made. She felt as though she were floating above her life, watching the shell of a person who masqueraded as her. She was more aware of how awkward she truly felt. Awkward, not in the sense of being ungraceful or strange, but in the sense of knowing your relationship is about to implode. She didn't know what to do with her hands. Her tongue felt uncomfortable in her mouth. Her legs moved stiffly, and she felt like she had to move them manually, rather than them moving fluidly, reflexively.

She sat on her decision for days, only telling Chloe very small snippets. Chloe grew worried about Beca, not knowing the gravity of Beca's decision. She barely spoke, barely ate, and truthfully barely moved. She avoided him at all cost. Ignored his texts and calls. Squirmed away from his touch when it was necessary for them to be in the same room. Avoided eye contact. She was truly awkward. So uncomfortable and painful to watch, that Chloe finally demanded that she come over for a girls night. Beca agreed, stating that Chloe had better have enough alcohol to give a giant a hangover.

Beca showed up at Chloe's apartment, wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, with her hair pulled into a messy bun. Aubrey was there. Beca was glad, because it meant that Chloe's attention would be split between the two of them. Aubrey looked bad. But Beca rationalized that she probably did too.

Aubrey was having serious problems in her brand new marriage. Beca cringed inwardly, wondering if all relationships were destined for failure. Aubrey cried and drank, and wondered aloud how everything could get so screwed up. Out of nowhere, Beca burst into tears. She had consumed an entire bottle of wine by herself and was working on a pretty strong vodka _somethingorother._ Chloe and Aubrey turned to stare at Beca's uncharacteristically strong display of emotions. Beca felt as though she had word vomit, spilling everything thought and feeling that she had. She told them of her decision to break off her relationship. They talked for a few more minutes, but decided not to talk the situation to death. They diverted their attention to putting up shelves in Chloe's guest room, which turned out to be a disaster. They consumed more alcohol and finally piled into Chloe's bed together. They slept quite soundly.

Aubrey woke early and left, explaining the need to fix things with her husband. Beca was quiet and Chloe was content to stay quiet as well, waiting until Beca was ready to talk. Even though she was sure she was still drunk, Beca felt calm and more certain than ever about her decision. There was a strange clarity in her groggy brain.

She helped Chloe clean the apartment and then took her leave. She returned to the dorm she shared with Amy and showered. She was going to a wedding with him later that night and needed to be clean and fresh. She also had the unsavory task of picking out a fancy dress. As she mulled over her choices, it struck her as strangely ironic that she would be ending her relationship with him after an event that marked the indelibility of another. She knew she had to look extra spiffy; she was destroying a man that night.

He picked her up later. She was polite, but detached. She knew that he noticed. He asked if she was okay, told her numerous times how beautiful she looked. She nodded and smiled. She grimaced internally when she realized the smile didn't reach her eyes. He stared at her, his eyes calculating the difference in his girlfriend. She broke eye contact, looked away, concentrating on the road and scratching nervously at her arm.

The wedding was beautiful. Beca would never say out loud that she was the type of girl who believed in marriage. Even after her parents' nasty divorce- she wanted to be married. She looked at their friends who were saying their vows. She looked at how blissfully happy they looked. She saw forever in their eyes. The more beauty she took in, the more she realized she didn't want it with the man sitting next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. She didn't want this celebration with him; because she knew she didn't want to spend the rest of her life being made to feel small. She didn't want to be resented for being smart and funny. Beca wasn't conceited and was not quick to point out her good qualities. But she knew that she was intelligent and humorous. She knew she had a lot to offer that the man to her left simply didn't appreciate.

It had started out well enough. He had seemed perfect. He had been exactly what she wanted at some point. She shook her head and willed away the tears that threatened at the thought of crushing the heart of the man who, for all his flaws and all the ways he made her hurt, was her best friend.

Dinner went well enough. The wedding cake was cut and the guests were called onto the dance floor. She faked a headache and asked if they could leave.

The drive back to campus was rough. Beca was trying to find the right moment.

When he sighed heavily for the umpteenth time, she knew it was the right moment.

"Jesse, I want to break up." The words plummeted out of her mouth.

His eyes flashed to hers.

Confusion. Hurt. Anger. Betrayal.

Beca took a calming breath and gave him an answer that was true enough. They did want different things. They were different people than when they first got together. They were headed in different directions. She stayed startlingly calm. He cried and grew angrier by the mile.

Beca looked out the window, searching for the strength to deliver the final blow. She knew she needed to tell him about all the hurt he had caused her. With a last breath, she let the words spill.

His eyes flashed to hers again.

Wry amusement. Confusion. Disbelief. Anger. Hurt. And something she couldn't decipher.

She finished talking and let out a slow, measured breath. He began to speak and it was suddenly clear, the emotion that she couldn't pinpoint.

He was devastated that he had hurt her so intensely. He'd never meant to. He never knew what he was doing to her. He'd had no idea that his very presence had left her as a ghost. He cried hardest over that.

They finally arrived back at Barden. They began the walk back to their dorms. Beca was hesitant. She didn't want to leave him but was unbearably uncomfortable still being near him. He asked for a hug. Beca agreed, and was met with the warm familiarity of his hug and the brokenness of his responding sob. She allowed him to cling to her for another moment, then with tears enough to fill the ocean, she pushed away from him and continued the walk to her room alone.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Beca let go of the tiny grasp she had on her control. The floodgates opened and her walls came crashing down, harder than she ever anticipated. Amy was bewildered but called Chloe. Chloe came over at once and held Beca. She helped Beca change out of the dress and into pajamas and then she let Beca cry and hiccup. Tears stained her face, Chloe's shirt and pillows. It took hours for Beca to calm down. Chloe stroked her face and hair and Amy held Beca's feet in her lap.

When Beca could breathe normally again, she looked at her two friends and took a steadying breath.

"It's going to be okay."

Chloe and Amy looked unsure and apprehensive. But the determination and resolve in Beca's wavering voice convinced them.

Those five words were what helped Beca map the road of grief she walked down for the next month. She'd lost the most important person in her life. Not only that, it had been _her_ decision to lose him.

It was what she repeated to herself day in and day out. It was her mantra. She knew it better than she knew any other words in the English language.

_It's going to be okay._

* * *

Yay? Nay? Happier one-shots to come! Let me know if there's a specific prompt you've been dying to see fleshed out! Or a song you reallllllly want me to incorporate!

Btw: the song reference in this fic is to** Ingrid Michaelson's _Sort Of_**. Tell me if you can spot it!

Hugs and kisses!

Ash


	2. Freight Train

**A/N:** Hello! This is an experiment for me, writing Beca. Most of the fics I've read have put Beca in a box. Pegged her as the dark, brooding girl who can't let anyone in and who is much too cynical to function normally. I just don't buy it. I think Beca is SO much more than that. So I think this collection will be an exploration of her as a person. I want to see who she really is.

Continue on and let me know what you think! I don't own PP, or the characters. But I do own all of my mistakes!

* * *

Beca knew she'd screwed up. She had yelled at Jesse in front of everyone. She saw the hurt flash in his eyes before she turned her back on him and everyone else and ran from the room.

It was always music that clarified her thoughts. It was music that lent reason to the confusion in her heart. Beca sent out vibes that screamed _Screw you! I'm fine by myself. Back off!_ But she truly didn't feel like that on the inside. She felt like the girls in the music she loved; strong, emotional, girly, sometimes needy.

Truthfully, she was rather mushy and soft on the inside. She'd been dealt a crappy hand by her parents, being scarred from their ugly divorce at a very tender age. As if being 12 years old hadn't been hard enough, her parents' malice toward each other had dragged her through hell and back.

If she were really honest, she would admit that she wanted love. She wanted the whole "relationship" thing, with flowers, chocolate, cheesy love songs music, and a sappy ending. She wanted to be wooed, swept off her feet by a guy whose smile made her blush.

Music grounded her; told her what her true feelings were, even when she did not want to admit them out loud. She knew she deserved to be loved. She knew she deserved happiness. She knew.

But as she sat listening to Sara Jackson-Holman's lyrics, her heart ached. She had royally screwed up and she wasn't sure how to fix it.

_Grief is a freight train, oh what's a little pain, when you've got so much to love._

She knew she had to fight for Jesse.

_Forever is a slow dream, oh what a vivid thing, when you've got so much to lose._

She was going to lose him forever. As much as it scared her to be close to him, to be vulnerable, the fear of not having Jesse in her life outweighed the discomfort of letting him in.

_Hope is a fast car, only takes you so far, when you've got a lot to lose._

Beca hoped that she wasn't too late. She hoped that she could somehow make it up to Jesse.

_Close your eyes _

_Take to the sky like a big blue kite, leave your woes behind_

_Close my eyes _

_Try to remember what you said to me, before you said goodbye_

She let the lyrics wash over her aching heart, pulling her in the direction she always knew she would go.

Music.

It was the only thing that made sense. She had to make a gesture so big, that even her movie nerd would melt and forgive her. The fear of losing Jesse spurred her on to make one of the scariest decisions she had ever made. She knew exactly what she was going to do and it terrified her. But because she was _**so**_ scared, she knew it was something that was worth it.

Before her parents' divorce, when Beca had been very young, maybe 5 or 6, her father had helped her conquer on of her fears. She had been having nightmares night after night. She was scared to sleep in her own bed, terrified that as soon as she closed her eyes, the monsters from her dreams would haunt her. She clung to her father's arms, begging him not to leave her. Having him near made her feel a little less scared. He was big and brave and could fight the scary things away.

The dreams were different every time, but always brought her to a place where she was in danger and there was no one to save her. She would be reduced to a pool of tears and the scary thing would win. She always woke in a sweat, real tears streaming down her face, her heart beating erratically in her chest.

After more than a week of nights like this, Mr. Mitchell sat down with Beca and discussed the dreams. He told her that sometimes fear is something that people fear to keep them safe. He gave the example of Beca being separated from her parents in the grocery store. He told her she would feel scared, and that was a good thing because it caught her attention. Her fear would tell her to be cautious and seek help. But he also told Beca, that if something was so scary, so big, that she didn't know what to do, she couldn't breathe, that scary thing was something that she needed to face.

He told her that the next time she saw something that scary in her dream; she needed to imagine she was brave. He told her to imagine that she was suited in armor and had weapons at her disposal. He told her to imagine that she was brave and to fight with all her might. He told her the scary thing wouldn't have a chance if Beca stood up and fought.

That night, Mr. Mitchell taught Beca to be courageous, to fight her own battles, to not rely on someone else to fight for her or save her. He had unwittingly equipped Beca to be brave, strong, self-sufficient, and fierce.

Later that night when she had finally fallen back asleep, she dreamed of a particularly scary and daunting dragon. In her dream, she felt more scared than she ever had, but instead of crying, she let her fear make her brave. She imagined a sword in her hand and suit of armor on her back. She imagined she was sitting atop a valiant steed. Without hesitation, Beca surged forward and slayed the dragon, thus ending her scary dreams for good.

Beca took away an important lesson from her conversation with her dad. It was a lesson that she didn't know she knew. It was subconscious, much stronger than anything she could know for sure. Beca knew deep down inside of her, that sometimes fear keeps you safe. But sometimes, fear, when it is so big, it seems you cannot win; paralyzing fear must be faced.

Her fear for losing Jesse was bigger than her fear for being close and vulnerable with another person. She knew she had to face her fear in order to get Jesse back.

So she did. She imagined she was brave (because she didn't actually feel all that brave) and armed herself with an apology no movie buff could ignore. She crafted a song mix so perfect, there was no way that Jesse _couldn't_ forgive her. There was no way he _wouldn't._

After much deliberation, much preparation, sweat, fear, and pretending she was brave, Beca swallowed her fear and delivered Jesse the most amazing apology she was capable of. She sang to him from the stage at Nationals. She serenaded him, pouring her heart in the song and dance. When he lifted his fist in the air, she knew she had been forgiven. And that boosted her courage. It boosted her courage so much, that when she left the stage after the Bellas finished preforming, her feet automatically took her to where Jesse stood, waiting.

She reached out and kissed him.

_Love is a slow song, playing on the radio, I know every word by heart_

_Happiness is soft light, that we see our lives by, only faded to the dark_

She kissed him until she felt her toes curl and the fear inside her chest get smaller. And smaller. And smaller. She kissed him until the fear was gone. And once she was sure the fear wouldn't resurface, she pulled away and looked at his face.

His face showed shocked disbelief. He looked confused, unsure, but also relieved. Beca fought hard not to let her fear creep back into her heart. She fought hard to keeps the walls down that she had erected so many years ago to protect herself.

The walls were armor that she had created for herself as a result of her parents' divorce. The walls went up the minute her dad left and she witnessed her mother's emotional collapse. She decided then, at 12 years old, she would never feel what her mother was feeling. Her parents had unintentionally taught her "This is what love looks like. It's harder than anything, so hard in fact, that it fails. It hurts and it ends. Don't fall in love."

_Greif is a freight train, oh what's a little pain, when you've got so much to love _

She fought the walls back because she knew Jesse was worth it.

_Close your eyes _

_Take to the sky like a big blue kite, leave your woes behind_

_Close my eyes_

_Try to remember what you said to me, before you said goodbye _

Beca stood watching Jesse's face, fighting hard. It wasn't a dragon, or an armed assailant. It was just Jesse. Beautiful Jesse. It was what he had to offer. The possibility of pain. She fought the fear with her most gallant effort. She fought so hard that she shook inside. She fought until she saw something she recognized as a good thing on Jesse's face. She saw joy and acceptance and something that looked an awful lot like love.

It was then that she finally allowed herself to realize that she could do it. She could fall in love.

She needed his love. She needed him.

_Love is a slow song, playing on the radio, I know every word by heart_

_Happiness is soft light, that we see our lives by, only faded to the dark_

She smiled at Jesse and let him take her hand. The left the auditorium then, not caring what the Bellas or Trebles thought. They didn't care about the competition, or the trophy. They had each other. And that was more than enough.

* * *

Thoughts?

Song cred: Sara Jackson-Holman Freight Train (She's great! Go listen to her music if you haven't already!)

Hugs and kisses!

Ash


	3. Wanted (Eyes)

**A/N:** Hello everyone! So a few thoughts: I'm not having as hard of a time with the whole "song fic" thing as I thought I would. It's actually coming pretty easily, which surprises me. I hear songs so often that make me think of characters and I think "It would be so great to base a fic off of this song." But because I have never done a song fic before, it has always kind of freaked me out.

Again, I will say that if you have a song that you REALLLY want to see a fic written for, let me know. I can't promise I will use the song, because music speaks differently to different people, but I can promise to look at the song and think it over. You will also get a cred in the A/N if I choose to use your song! ;-)

This story is written from Jesse's point of view. And I also experimented with the "as it's happening" wording...which is very strange to me. For those of you who were really wanting to see into Beca's head a little more, this fic does not do that. But this is definitely a psychological development for Jesse. Also, this is unintentionally a very "eyes" heavy fic...you will see what I mean!

Normal disclaimer: PP and the characters do not belong to me. Mistakes and creative liberties do, though!

Enjoy!

* * *

Jesse's POV

"What are you staring at, nerd?"

She is completely beautiful.

"Seriously, you're freaking me out." Her eyebrow is raised and she looks like she's about to punch me.

"Sorry, I was gauging your reaction. The best part is coming up."

"Fine, whatever."

Somehow, I've managed to convince Beca to take her movication seriously. She didn't completely hate the ending of _The Breakfast Club, _and even though we had that awkward moment when I almost kissed her, she let me come over again and we finished the movie a few weeks ago. We've spent almost every night since then watching other movies.

Now, we are watching Shrek. Cheesy and animated, I know. But it's sort of musical. And I figured she'd like the sarcastic humor. In an odd way, she almost reminds me of Shrek; surly and cynical. But she's too beautiful to be an ogre.

"Seriously dude, I'm gonna make you leave if you don't stop staring at me."

I try to hide my smile as I look away. Our hands brush as we both reach into the popcorn bowl. She looks at me and blushes. She blushes! She _blushes? _She turns away and clears her throat. She turns to look at me again and I swear her pupils are dilated.

"Quit hogging!" She almost whispers.

Her voice sounds deep. Her eyes show her trust. Her cheeks are still tinged pink. And I must be crazy but I think she actually leaned into me. She looks away again, satisfied with the handful of popcorn she's retrieved. I'm still staring at her, and this time, instead of chastising me, she turns to face me and makes eye contact.

I stare into her bottomless eyes. And she stares back. Her eyes are measuring, trying to figure me out. And it's in that exact moment that I know I've fallen in love with her. As ridiculous and cliché as it sounds, a song pops into my head.

_You know I'd fall apart without you  
I don't know how you do what you do  
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me  
Makes sense when I'm with you_

I'm surprised at my own neediness. For sure, I'm the emotional one in this relationship –er…friendship. But I'm still surprised by how quickly my heart makes sense of the information my mind is collecting.

_Like everything that's green, girl, I need you  
But it's more than one and one makes two  
Put aside the math and the logic of it  
You gotta know you're wanted too_

Does she have any idea how much I want her? And not necessarily in the sexual way (although there's that too…). I want to spend my time with her. I want to be her best friend. I want to know the punch line to all of her jokes. I want to be the reason for the smile on her face and the laughter in her heart. I want her to be in my arms. I want her to be mine.

She continues to stare at me, her eyes almost boring holes into mine. I inspect the color of her eyes, as Shrek continues to play in the background. Her eyes are blue at first glance. But the longer I look, the more depth I find, and the more I come to realize the word "blue" is utterly insufficient.

I blink, because I realize we have been staring into each other for what seems a very long time. I look at the rest of her face. She is still assessing me, but there is no fear in her eyes, or anywhere else on her face. She looks completely open and relaxed. I weigh my options –I can reach out and touch her, I can lean in ever so slightly, I can glance down to her lips to test her reaction, I can continue to stare at her eyes. It's then that I realize I want to do all of the aforementioned.

_'Cause I wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And never let you forget it  
Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted_

Does she know what it's like to be wanted? Wanted just for who she is? Because she's truly incredible.

We are still staring at each other. I have to do something before this moment passes. I tell my brain to make something happen, anything! I'm about to move my arm, bring my hand to touch her. It's like she senses the change and she looks away.

_Shit! _ I've lost my chance. I shift my body, turning away. I glance at the clock and realize that it's been less than two minutes. All of those thoughts, all of that intense staring…it occurred in less than two minutes. That gives me hope.

We watch the movie in silence for a few minutes, both staying absolutely still. Me because I don't want to scare her off and her because…well, I don't know. I'm kicking myself. I had the briefest of moments to make a move, any move, to show her that I care.

Beca moves first. She's lifting the popcorn bowl from between us and I think it's because she's going to get up. Move away. But instead, she sets it on the other side of her body and scoots closer to me. She leans into my side, so that her face is a breath away from mine. I sit unmoving, not sure of what's happening, not sure if I'm dreaming, not sure that if I move, she will change her mind. She gets comfortable and stops fidgeting.

From our new positions, I can look at her face without being caught. It's not so obvious from here. I take in her expression –completely at ease. Her shoulders are relaxed, her eyebrows in their rightful places and not at all knit together. Her hands are resting on her legs, which are tucked up under her. The only part of her that is moving is her lips. She is thoughtfully biting her bottom lip, in, what I guess to be, intense concentration.

I am entirely struck by her beauty. _Duh, Jesse!_ Of course she's beautiful! But as I gaze upon her, her beauty expounds and I am left breathless.

_Anyone can tell you you're pretty, yeah  
And you get that all the time, I know you do  
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up  
And I wanna show you what I see tonight..._

I see her shift her hands and I avert my eyes back to the movie. I can see her eyes out of the corner of mine. She is looking at me. No, not looking…she is studying me. She is studying me, much in the way that I had just been studying her.

_When I wrap you up  
When I kiss your lips.  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And never let you forget it  
'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted_

After a few breaths, she returns her attention to the movie. I feel my chest swell with joy when she snuggles against me more firmly. I feel her release her weight and lean into me completely. I cannot stop the smile that grips my face. In an act of sudden bravery, I wrap my arm around her shoulders. She doesn't stiffen or pull away. She doesn't even flinch. She relaxes further into me and rests her head on my shoulder. I hear her sigh contentedly and my stomach explodes with butterflies.

I mentally berate myself for describing the feeling in such sissy terms, but it's true. Then Beca's hand is seeking out my free hand. She is grabbing it, intertwining my fingers with her own. All my thoughts go out the window and I feel as though I can't breathe.

_As good as you make me feel  
I wanna make you feel better  
Better than your fairy tales  
Better than your best dreams  
You're more than everything I need  
You're all I ever wanted  
All I ever wanted_

The final scene of Shrek plays on my laptop screen and because she is so still, I think that Beca has fallen asleep. When I close the laptop before the credits roll, I hear her grunt.

"Hey, I wanted to hear the last of the music!" She is sitting up and I instantly mourn the loss of her warmth.

She is smiling broadly, as she pokes my ribs. I grin back, unable to form words. And then she's staring again. This time, her eyes travel my face. She starts at my eyes, looks up to my hairline and back to my eyes. And then her gaze makes its descent down my face. I hold my breath, not wanting to break the magic of the moment. I know she's going to look at my lips and I'm praying and wishing that her eyes linger.

It's agonizing, allowing her to study me. Her eyes finally find my lips and they rest there for a few seconds. She swallows, licks her lips and then her eyes find mine again. Her eyes are dark, several shades darker than they had been earlier. She glances at my lips again and is about to move away.

_And I just wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And never let you forget it  
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted  
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted_

I reach out and place my hand on her shoulder, applying the slightest amount of pressure, telling her I want her to stay. I lean forward, making the distance between us a little smaller. I keep my hand on her shoulder but remove all pressure. I want her to be the one to decide if she eclipses the gap. I breathe slowly, evenly, trying to keep my erratic heart from beating out of my chest.

She blinks slowly, wets her bottom lip and leans forward. Her eyes are hopping back and forth between my eyes and lips and I chuckle inwardly that this is something that actually does happen in real life (not just in movies). I move slowly, trying to make absolute sure, this is what she wants. I let my hand travel up her neck to tangle in the hair at the base of her head. Her eyes close and I pause. Her eyes open again and I can see her intent behind them. She reaches out to touch my chest. She's urging me on. I lean a little more, pulling her head gently, completely closing the space that was once between us.

We are breathing the same air. I can smell her perfume (shampoo? Chapstick?), light and sweet. I inhale once last time, allowing for a final out for Beca (she doesn't take it), and then our lips are touching.

Shockwaves fly from my lips, down my back, all the way into my toes.

Her lips are unbelievably soft –even softer than I thought they would be. Her warmth surrounds me and I am entirely okay with the fact that I am irrevocably attached to this girl.

Her hand grips my t-shirt and my hand caresses her hair, finds her cheek (soft too!) and finally her jaw. Her kiss is sweet and meaningful. I know that this is a privilege and I take not one second for granted. I feel her lips part slightly under mine. I let my tongue wander to her lips, tentatively testing. She leans into me further, and I let go. I stop thinking and let my lips and hands take over.

I'm pulling her closer, letting my tongue explore her mouth. I hear her sigh (or moan?) and she's moving closer to me. _Is that even possible? How is she not on top of me already?_ I take a mental check and realize that _ohmygod!_ She IS on top of me. I slow my lips and hands, trying to gently pull her from the kiss.

"Beca, hold on." Oh god, my voice is breathy, betraying my desire.

Her eyes flutter open and the look on her eyes makes me want to kick myself. She looks hurt, confused, unsure. I know it's mere seconds before she closes herself off from me. I have to say something, quick!

"You are extraordinary." The fear in her eyes lessens a bit.

"You are the most incredible person I have ever known." Her cheeks turn pink and a small smile gathers in the corner of her mouth. Her smile quickly turns upside down when I begin to push her off my lap.

"I love kissing you." I make sure to show her how absolutely serious I am and that I am not being sarcastic. Her smile returns as I place another soft kiss to her lips.

The blush on her cheeks creeps down her face, turning her neck and chest pink. She smiles and looks down.

"But you're special to me, Beca. And I don't want to rush this." Her face grows serious, but her eyes never stray from mine. She trusts me.

"I don't want to screw this up, or get in over our heads too quickly." She nods and looks down.

"I want to take my time with you. I want to gain your trust." She quickly glances up at me.

"Jesse, you have it." I smile in return.

"I know that I have part of it," she cocks an eyebrow at me.

"Maybe even most of it, but I want to make sure you understand that I know you thoroughly and this is not just some fling for me." She's nodding again.

"I want you to know me completely, and know how true my feelings are for you." Her cocked eyebrow rises to her hairline, bring the other with it.

"I don't want to force too much on you too soon." Her eyebrows relax and she leans forward.

"I'm going to end with this –" I lean forward, closing my eyes, knowing that my lips will find hers.

My lips connect with hers for a moment of sweet bliss. She pulls away first and I am startled when I open my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I begin to panic at the tears that are dripping down her cheeks. "Did I upset you?"

She shakes her head, more tears falling. I reach out and brush my thumbs across her cheeks, making the evidence disappear.

"Thank you." I'm intrigued and confused.

"Thank you for tonight. For the witty banter. For the silly movie. For the moment we shared earlier…you know, when we just stared at each other." I smile, but remain quiet.

"Thank you for holding me in your arms, and for being so tender and sweet when we kissed." I nod, smiling.

"And thank you for stopping it. It means a lot to me, what you said." More tears gather on her lower lashes.

"Just, thank you, Jesse." She leans forward and buries her face in my shirt.

I'm surprised, but I wrap my arms around her and let my head fall into her hair. There's that scent again…it's her shampoo, or perfume. And also, something that I'm sure is uniquely her.

"Thank you for making me feel wanted." Her words are muffled against my shirt, but I hear them anyway.

_You'll always be wanted._

* * *

Review please!

***edit*** Song cred: _Wanted_ by Hunter Hayes

XOXO

Ash

PS- this is the longest fic in this series so far!


	4. True Love

**A/N:** Hello kittens! I hope you are all doing well! Can I just say how amazed I am at the response to this fic!? Seriously, you guys are amazing. I am receiving such positive feedback on this series and it just makes my heart swell. I love you guys and am so very thankful for your support!

This is another songfic (I'm diseased! And I LOVE it!) that is dedicated to **ClarisseOlviga**. Thank you for the song suggestion, it worked out perfectly! This is a split POV piece, that jumps back and forth between Beca and Jesse. Toward the end, the POV shifts fairly frequently, so try not to get dizzy! Fair warning, they have a fight...but it all works out in the end!

PP and characters are not mine. Boo for me. Mistakes and creative liberties are mine. Don't steal, please!

Onward and upward!

* * *

**Beca's POV**

I grunted in frustration as I threw open the door to my apartment. Jesse was the most frustrating person I had ever met. Some of the things he said really ticked me off. I could feel my anger building and I knew that I needed to calm down. Luckily, Amy was out of town for the weekend and I had the apartment to myself. I walked to my room and kicked off my shoes. I grabbed the remote to my stereo system and clicked the FM button. Pink's _True Love_ had just started and began filtering through my speakers.

_Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say  
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face  
_

I laughed at the irony and pulled off my clothes. They smelled like him and I really just needed him out of my head. We have fought before, many times actually. But sometimes he makes me so angry I could spit. I laughed again and wondered where that saying came from. When I was angry, I usually just wanted to punch things.

_There's no one quite like you  
You push all my buttons down  
I know life would suck without you_

The song continued to play as I walked around the room in my underwear, picking up the mess I had neglected for several days. I hate to admit that I clean when I'm upset. As I cleaned and listened to Pink's deep voice, I felt my anger start to melt away.

_At the same time, I wanna hug you  
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck_

I regretted walking away from him, but he sometimes had an uncanny ability for sticking his big dumb stupid foot in his mouth.

_You're an asshole but I love you  
And you make me so mad I ask myself  
Why I'm still here, or where could I go_

I knew that I would never leave him, because I finally felt brave enough to admit that I'm in love with him, even if it is only to myself.

_You're the only love I've ever known  
But I hate you, I really hate you,_

I contemplated how alike love and hate are and how similar the two sometimes felt. I rolled my eyes as the chorus started to play.

_So much, I think it must be_

_True love, true love  
It must be true love  
Nothing else can break my heart like  
True love, true love,_

I felt the smile slip from my face as the words rang true. I knew this relationship was different from the others I'd been in. Well, I hadn't really had relationships before…just _relations_.

_It must be true love  
No one else can break my heart like you_

Jesse never purposefully tried to hurt me. But having someone know me so well, be so close to me, meant that he constantly had the ability to crush my heart. I tried hard to keep my walls down. Jesse deserved to have my trust and to have all of me without my defenses blocking him out.

Tears threatened to fall down my face, and although I knew I had come a long way, I wasn't ready to completely discard my "bad-ass" persona. So, I flipped radio channel to something that was a little angrier, a little more how I _wanted_ to feel. I wanted to feel angry and ambiguous, not crushed and scared with the clarity of my feelings. I nodded my head to the heavy beat and muttered the words I knew were there, even though no one else would have understood them.

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

God, could she once ever just listen, just understand where I am coming from? Could she once ever just think about what I am feeling and try not to be so caustic? I know she's sarcastic and cynical to the core; it is something I love about her. But sometimes I want to just have conversations with her. I want to be able to do and talk about romantic things, without her rolling her eyes.

I wanted to walk away from her door, after I convinced myself to go to her apartment to talk. But when I reached out to knock, I could hear the music through the door. It was a Pink song that I've heard a few times.

_Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings  
Just once please try not to be so mean  
Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E  
Come on I'll say it slowly  
You can do it babe_

I stood at her door, forehead pressed to the wood, listening. I could hear her moving around the apartment and I knew that she was cleaning. Beca was a fairly tidy person, but she became manically clean when she was upset. I would have mistaken her for an anal-retentive, OCD personality, if I didn't know her as well as I do.

_At the same time, I wanna hug you  
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck  
You're an asshole but I love you  
And you make me so mad I ask myself  
Why I'm still here, or where could I go  
You're the only love I've ever known  
But I hate you, I really hate you,  
So much, I think it must be_

I knew I didn't hate her. In fact, I was startled by how much I loved her. I shook his head when I thought back on our two year-long relationship. I wasn't startled, I'd known it all along. I had loved her from that night in the outdoor auditorium.

_True love, true love  
It must be true love  
Nothing else can break my heart like  
True love, true love,  
It must be true love  
No one else can break my heart like you_

It was hood night, after aca initiation. I'd been more inebriated than I cared to admit, but the minute I saw her small form walking down the steps, my heart stopped. I had noticed her beauty before, but right then, I was completely taken by her.

Her hair rustled gently in the breeze and the smile that was on her face was so carefree. She looked so much different from the guarded girl I saw on my first day at Barden, when I sang to her from my parents' car. She looked so much different from the witty, sarcastic girl that I stacked CDs with daily. She looked free and happy.

_I think it must be love_

I thought back over the fight we had just had. I regretted yelling at her; throwing my hands up in ager; letting her walk away. I regretted telling her that she needed to trust me more. I cringed when I thought about my exact words to her and how her face had gone from an angry pout, to shocked, to hurt and betrayed, before she turned her back and walked away. _Maybe if you weren't such an angry, sarcastic bitch all the time, we wouldn't be having this problem. _

* * *

**Beca's POV**

_Why do you rub me off the wrong way?  
Why do you say the things that you say?  
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be  
But without you I'm incomplete_

As much as I tried to let the angry, pounding music make me forget the words to the Pink song, I couldn't. It also couldn't make me forget the fight.

I thought about the words Jesse said to me just before I turned and left. He called me a bitch. And although it was sometimes true, at that moment, I didn't feel like I deserved to be called that name.

We had been talking about our future. I felt nervous, a tiny bit uncomfortable, but I fought the feelings and allowed Jesse to talk. I had even contributed to the conversation, adding details that I felt were important. But then Jesse had turned what was a lighthearted, hypothetical conversation, into a concrete, serious one. I felt squirmy, but fought hard to keep my angst from making my walls snap back into place.

He'd been talking about our near future –moving in together, sharing a bed, getting a dog. I was scared and wanted to run. But I fought it. I fought harder to keep having that conversation than I think I've ever fought for anything. I made sure to keep my eyes attentive, smiling. I internally rolled my eyes when I thought of Tyra Banks from _America's Next Top Model _telling me to put on my "smize." As silly as it felt, I knew that I needed to follow her directions. Jesse believed in what he was saying and felt it to his core, and I knew that if I made any sarcastic or cynical remark, rolled my eyes, or showed how uncomfortable I was, he would freak out. I was intently concentrating on being positive and supportive. I was concentrating so hard in fact, that I missed the question he asked me.

I asked him to repeat what he just said, in what I felt was a polite "I'm interested and didn't catch that" voice. His face changed and he leaned away from me, his eyebrows knitting together. Then he snapped, spouting off angry, hateful words; telling me that I act like I don't care, that I hurt him daily, and then later, that I am a bitch.

_I think it must be  
True love, true love  
It must be true love  
Nothing else can break my heart like  
True love, true love,_

I had genuinely been hurt. I was trying so hard, for him! And then he misunderstood what was happening and flipped his shit. He assumed I was shutting him out, thinking that what he said was stupid or not possible. He assumed that I wanted to blow him off, or tell him that love doesn't exist, or that it only hurts people.

_It must be true love  
No one else can break my heart like you  
No one else can break my heart like you (like you)  
No one else can break my heart like you_

I finally let the tears fall that had been accumulating and threatening while I recalled our fight. I realized that I had stopped cleaning and was still in just my bra and underwear. I saw one of his t-shirts laying on the floor across from where I stood and walked to it. I scooped it up and slid it over my head.

I continued to cry and went to my bed to curl up and let my emotions run free. It was unusual for me, so I felt uncomfortable. I also felt incredibly hurt, so I allowed myself to break my "no tears" rule. I hated Jesse. But I loved him, and wanted him near. I just wanted to touch him and know that everything was okay.

Just then, there was a knock on my door and I heard the familiar tone of his voice.

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

I had stood at her door, listening to Pink sing and Beca move around her apartment. When she changed the music, I continued to think about the lyrics in my head. I continued to think about the fight we had just had…rather, how I yelled at Beca.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to doubt my actions. She hadn't actually said anything, sarcastic or otherwise. I thought back to the way she looked when I started talking about the idea of getting an apartment together. She had paid close attention and her eyes sparkled. She looked excited.

_Shit! I'm such an idiot!_

She had been interested. And I was willing to bet that when she asked me to repeat my question, she truly hadn't heard what I said. Or maybe she had misunderstood me. I banged my head against the door where I still stood.

Little by little, Beca's movements began to slow inside the apartment, and then I couldn't hear her moving at all. I knew if she wasn't moving anymore, it meant she was probably more upset than cleaning could help. I swallowed my stupid pride and knocked on the door. When she didn't answer, I knocked again and called out to her.

* * *

**Beca's POV**

"Beca, I know you're here. Will you please let me in? I want to talk."

His voice sounded pleading enough that I sighed, wiped my face and got up from my bed. I slowly made my way to the door and opened it. Jesse's hand was poised to knock again and there was a desperate look on his face.

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

I took in her appearance. Red, splotchy face. Tear tracks down her cheeks. Mussed hair. Eyebrow raised. Biting lip. Arms crossed. Eyes avoiding contact with mine.

The gravity of the fight hit me with full force. I knew that I had royally screwed up. All I wanted to do was wrap her up in my arms and tell her how sorry I was.

* * *

**Beca's POV**

Jesse's face broke and before I had processed that he had even moved, he had crossed the threshold of my apartment and was wrapping me in his arms. His voice was quiet as he repeated his apology over and over, peppering feather soft kisses to any part of me that he could reach.

I allowed him to hold me for several minutes, before I pried myself out of his grip. I closed the door to my apartment and walked across the room to sit on the couch. Jesse followed like a puppy dog.

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

I followed her across the room and took a deep breath. We needed to have this conversation. But even more than that, I needed to tell her how sorry I was.

We started slowly. I told her that I thought we maybe had a misunderstanding. If I hadn't been sitting, I would have been knocked off my feet when she told me that she wasn't trying to be rude. She was concentrating on what I was saying, and trying to show me that she was listening. She was concentrating on not letting any sarcasm jump out of her mouth without permission, and not letting her eyebrow sneak up to her hairline. She told me that she was terrified of what I was saying, but that the fear felt somehow good. She said that it was more a fear of growing, rather than a fear of hurt.

* * *

**Beca's POV**

I explained that I wanted a future with him, however it might look. I told him that I was scared, because it was uncharted and brand new for me. I had never lived with a guy before. I had never cared so deeply for another human being. And then, I felt myself saying the words before I could stop them.

"Jesse, I love you."

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

Her body stilled and her eyes grew bigger than I've ever seen them. I don't think she really meant to say that to me, but I could tell how true the words were. I followed her lead and stayed still, but I couldn't stop the smile that nearly split my face in two.

* * *

**Beca's POV**

Jesse's smile looked like it was going to take on a life of its own and jump off his face. I blinked rapidly, biting my lip and laughed nervously.

Jesse reached out to me and pulled me to his chest. His laughter echoed mine and his hands squeezed me tighter to his body and stroked my hair. He continued to laugh for a few seconds, before finally pulling away from our embrace.

"Beca, I have been waiting for you to say that! Those three words are the sweetest my ears have ever heard."

I grinned, suddenly forgetting how to speak. Jesse had told me that he loves me hundreds of times. Now that I was finally ready to say it back, I felt like I needed to catch up. It was almost like he read my thoughts.

"You don't have to say it again if you don't want to. But just know that I will never get sick of hearing you say that."

I nodded solemnly, desperately trying to find where my voice had run off to. I swallowed, my mouth feeling suddenly dry.

"Jesse, I love you."

The words tasted so sweet in my mouth. And the look on his face when I said them, made it even better. Jesse smiled broadly and leaned into me, pressing the sweetest, most heartbreaking kiss I had ever experienced to my lips. He pulled away for a second to gaze into my eyes. He gently brushed hair away from my face.

And it was in that split second that I realized I would never spend another day alone. I knew that his face would be the first and last thing I saw every day. His lips would be the last I ever kissed.

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

It was in that split second of gazing into her eyes that I knew no one else had ever or would ever hold her heart. It was then that I knew she had given herself to me completely.

* * *

Thoughts? Suggestions? Reviews=Love

***edit*** Song cred: _True Love_ by Pink

Hugs and kisses!

Ash


	5. She Will Be Loved- Part 1

**A/N: ** So I really feel like I'm spoiling you guys...two stories in one day. But especially because this one is going to be a two-parter. I was trying to base this one off the Maroon 5 song _She Will be Loved_, and I think you can see the influence in a few places, but this story literally took on a life of its own. I was absolutely shocked when I stopped writing. I set out to write a four page story, and ended up with almost 12! Fair warning, this one is sad. Very sad. As in, I cried the whole time I wrote it. But it ends up being good and happy at the end.

I want to encourage you all to write reviews at the end. Reviews=love and they help me know that I'm writing something that is meaningful, and that you all still want me to write.

I don't own PP or the characters that you recognized, but I do own the mistakes, the story, the new characters and the creative liberties I take with our favorite couple.

Enjoy!

* * *

Beca was a strong person, inside and out. She was small, but she could certainly pack a punch. She prided herself on her ability to control her emotions. People often thought she was cold, removed, or even heartless. Truly, she just had an incredible ability to put on whatever mask she chose. If she wanted to appear aloof, she could do it, even if she didn't _actually feel_ aloof. If she was sad, she could fix a stern, jaded, uninterested expression to her face. If she was thrilled beyond belief, but didn't want a soul to know, again she could pull out an expression that reeked of something entirely different.

So when Beca found herself entirely incapable of pulling her mask over her emotions, she had no idea what to do with herself.

* * *

Beca hadn't exactly been popular in high school, but she did have several very close friends. One girl in particular, Jenna, had been her very best friend since kindergarten. The girls had never spent more than a few days apart and considered themselves more like sisters. In fact, they were so alike it was scary. They were exactly the same size and build, down to their feet and bra size. They had the same taste in clothing, music, and food. One of the very few things that differed between them was their taste in boys.

When they looked in the other's closets, they recognized clothing that belonged to themselves. Their wardrobe had inexplicably become entangled so far that they didn't even try to sort it out. They never really asked to "borrow" a shirt or a pair of pants, they just did it. And if the item wasn't returned, it didn't really matter…the other girl would borrow something a few days later that would never be returned.

When the girls went to each other's houses (which were across the street from each other), they called the other girl's parents "mom and dad." They were constantly hopping back and forth between each other's houses, spending a few days at Beca's house, and then a few at Jenna's. The girls' parents knew that if their daughter was missing from home, she was across the street. The parents didn't worry; they knew the other set of parents was feeding, caring for, and even disciplining their daughter.

When Beca's parents divorced, she had been devastated, and only 12 years old. Jenna had been there to console her best friend. Beca had stayed at Jenna's house for nearly two weeks. And although Beca's mom (who was awarded the house in the settlement) was worried, she knew her daughter needed space and time, and was being well cared for.

Jenna's aunt died a few years after the divorce. She and Jenna had been very close and Jenna was inconsolable. Jenna's parents didn't know what to do to help her, but Beca had stepped in and saved the day. Beca didn't even have to say anything. She just went up to Jenna's room, wrapped her arms around her best friend and Jenna's sobs quieted.

It was like the girls spoke a silent language. A single look could send them into fits of laughter that didn't cease for what seemed like hours. A wink, nod, or hand signal could start or end an actual conversation. Every gesture, every expression held a lifetime of knowledge that only the two of them knew.

Beca and Jenna definitely annoyed Jenna's two brothers (one older and one younger). But because Beca was an only child and the two of them spent so much time together, the boys had adopted Beca from the very beginning. Instead of saying they had one sister, they regularly told other people that they had two. Beca also always included Jenna and her brothers when anyone asked if she had siblings. Anyone that knew them well enough, knew that they weren't _actually_ related, but no one ever corrected them.

After the girls graduated from high school, they both decided they wanted to move to LA. Beca wanted to be a DJ, and eventually a sound engineer. Jenna wanted to write music for Beca to produce (Jenna had always been a gifted writer). When Beca's dad gave her an ultimatum, that she had to move to Atlanta and go to school at Barden, or work for the next year in whatever low paying job in their hometown that she could find, Beca didn't know what to do.

Jenna had gotten into several esteemed universities that had great music programs. The girls had always assumed that Beca would follow Jenna to whichever college she chose. Beca had never wanted to go to college, but was willing to work her butt off at a local radio station. Her goal was to have a few years of music-related experience to boost her chances once Jenna finished her degree and they moved to LA.

Jenna hadn't known Mr. Mitchell's ultimatum when she made the choice to accept her admission to Vanderbilt University in Nashville. The day after Jenna sent in her letter of intent, Beca came to her, distressed. Beca told Jenna everything her dad had said and told her that she didn't know what to do. Jenna was definitely leaving their hometown in Florida to go to school and Beca wanted anything but to be apart from Jenna.

Jenna was careful not to tell Beca that she'd accepted her offer from Vanderbilt, and especially didn't mention that if Beca chose to go to Barden, she would only be a few hours away. Jenna was a great friend and didn't tell Beca what to choose. Her advice to Beca was to think about her choice, write a pros/cons list and then think about it some more.

Beca eventually decided on Barden and was thrilled when Jenna told her that she'd chosen the school in Tennessee. They mapped out the distance between Vanderbilt and Barden and found that it was less than 300 miles. The girls figured they could make weekend trips (by bus?) because it would only take them around 4 hours, and they absolutely _had_ to see each other once a week, if they couldn't see each other every day.

The summer passed, and the girls prepared for college. Beca actually wasn't dreading moving to Georgia. Jenna had gotten her excited. They had gone shopping for all of their dorm stuff together and had even done some pretty heavy clothes shopping too. They had been planning to make a small road trip out of the journey to college. The girls sat in Beca's room, or Jenna's, and giggled at their plans. They raided each other's closets, finding items of clothing that they couldn't live without, whether it was originally theirs or not. They helped each other pack. They said goodbye to their few other friends and then finally said goodbye to their parents and Jenna's brothers.

Finally, the two of them hopped into the small moving truck that was filled with their possessions and took off on their long awaited road trip. It only took about 12 hours in total and the girls couldn't help but wish that the trip had been longer. They had driven to Atlanta and dropped off all of Beca's belongings, except an overnight bag of essentials, at her dorm and then together they finished the drive to Nashville. That night they unloaded Jenna's things out of the truck, had dinner and then returned to her dorm to sleep and bond for what little time they had left together. When morning came, both girls cried harder than they ever had. Jenna returned the moving truck to the U-Haul store, while Beca hopped a bus back to Atlanta.

They were on their own for the first time, and they were terrified and liberated at the same time.

* * *

Beca couldn't control her tears. She couldn't control the sadness that emanated from her very being. She walked around campus, unable to focus on anything. And when one too many people had asked if she was okay, she had decided to call it quits and return to her dorm. Her roommate, Kimmy Jin had even been worried and asked Beca if she needed anything. With a polite "no thanks," Beca buried herself into her bed and shut out the world. Kimmy Jin had the good sense to leave the room and let Beca have peace.

* * *

Jesse had noticed Beca his first day at Barden. She was strikingly beautiful. A force of beauty, he'd be willing to say. She looked confident and maybe a tad dangerous. Her amused smirk and raised eyebrow had him wanting to know more about her. He couldn't help but serenade her from the backseat of his parents' car when he saw her unpacking her things from a small U-Haul truck.

He was ecstatic to find that they had signed up for the same internship, and would be spending a lot of time together stacking CDs at the radio station. Even though she was sarcastic and blew him off on the regular, Jesse found her witty and refreshing. He wasn't stupid, so he knew he was attractive (but not necessarily in an arrogant way). So it was nice that Beca wasn't trying to win his attention, and that she didn't throw herself at him.

They had formed a sort of routine. Beca was always on time to the radio station, and Jesse was almost always a few minutes late (he did it to piss off Luke, the station manager, who was a complete douche-bag if Jesse said so himself). Beca would be quietly stacking CDS, humming whatever song played softly through the speakers. Jesse would rush in, throwing his backpack with hers, where it sat in the corner. She would usually smile at him, though he sometimes got that sassy eyebrow quirk. He would spend their entire time together trying to make her laugh. It usually worked. He gained great joy out of the adorable way she would roll her eyes as her shoulders shook with giggles. He was used to their routine. And he liked it.

One day, Beca didn't show up for work. She hadn't called Luke, or texted Jesse that she wouldn't be coming in. Jesse shrugged it off, rationalizing that she was probably just sick and wasn't able to make it to a phone. But when she didn't show up for the next four days, Jesse grew worried.

They had walked the short distance from the radio station to their dorms, which were right across from each other, a few times; so Jesse knew where she lived. After his shift ended on the fifth day, Jesse took off to look for Beca. He went to her room and light rapped on the door. Kimmy Jin answered and told him that Beca wasn't there; that she hadn't been there in several days.

Worried, Jesse quickly sent a text to her, hoping that she would answer. She didn't. In fact, she didn't return for over three weeks, and when Jesse finally started to wonder if she'd dropped out, he went to the station to begin his shift one day and saw her there. She was in her usual spot, stacking CDs. But she was different. Her shoulders were slumped and her head was turned down. Her entire demeanor had changed. She didn't hum along to the songs. The usual bounce in her step was gone. She didn't even look up when he walked in. She didn't acknowledge him when he said hi to her. She moved much slower and didn't seem to be enjoying herself like she used to.

After about an hour of stacking in silence, wondering what on earth had happened, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye and looked up. His eyes caught hers and his heart broke at what he saw. There, in those eyes that used to hold such vibrancy, sass and light, was a direct window to her soul, telling Jesse that her life had been altered in a traumatic, negative way. Her once sparkly, bright blue eyes were now flat and almost navy in color. She wore no makeup, and Jesse could tell she had been crying. A lot. Her face was splotchy, puffy, and she didn't look like herself. He smiled tentatively at her, and although she didn't smile back, she also didn't look away.

The look in her eyes almost dared him to ask her what was wrong. But Jesse wasn't sure their friendship was to that point. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to just ask her why she looked as though her entire world had just collapsed. He was scared, unsure of what to do. He looked back at Beca, pleading with his eyes.

_Show me a sign and I'll reach out_.

Beca's face was unchanging and Jesse felt the moment pass as she lowered her eyes and then slowly turned her face away from him. They continued to stack CDs in silence for the rest of their shift. Beca finished a bit earlier than Jesse and left the station without waiting for him. He finished quickly and yelled a quick goodbye to Luke before he stumbled out of the station.

When he opened the door, he saw Beca's retreating form. And the torrential downpour of rain. He sucked in a quick breath and raced to her, catching up in no time. She didn't turn to look at him, didn't acknowledge him in any way. She just continued to walk. Jesse felt the solemnity of the situation and knew that something truly terrible must have happened to this enigma of a girl that he so cared for.

They neared the point in their walk where they usually parted; Jesse traveling to the left, Beca to the right, to go to their own dorm rooms. Jesse was frantically searching his brain for something to say before she disappeared from his life again. Jesse knew she was going to walk away and he was afraid he might never see her again.

But when they reached the fork in their paths, she stopped. She turned to look at him. His heart stopped and tears instantly sprung to his eyes. She was so shockingly beautiful in that moment. And also shockingly vulnerable. Jesse looked at her and knew that in that moment, she was the very definition of sorrow. He reached out and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. She took a step forward and collapsed into him. Her body heaved with her sobs and Jesse was scared she wasn't getting enough air.

It was midday, and even though it was still raining something awful, there were still people roaming about. Jesse knew that Beca's weeping would call attention, and so he scooped her up (hoping she wouldn't hate him for it) and carried her up to her room. He knocked on the door, and there was no answer. So he turned the knob and was glad to find that it was unlocked. He carried Beca inside and gingerly set her down on the ground, not wanting to get her bed wet.

They were both soaked to the bone and Jesse knew that Beca must be freezing. He desperately searched Beca's drawers, looking for dry clothes. He found purchase in the form of a pair of hot pink (what?) sweatpants and an incredibly soft gray t-shirt. He glanced down at Beca, embarrassed, but knew he had to find undergarments too. What was the point in helping her change out of wet clothes if her bra and underwear were still wet? Beca was still sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, curled up in a little ball, and Jesse considered that she probably didn't even know what was going on. He opened the only drawer he hadn't yet touched and sighed in relief when his eyes met all of her undergarments. He looked for a long moment, trying to decide what looked the most comfortable. He finally settled on a purple sports bra and a pair of striped panties and quickly shut the drawer. He looked around the room for a towel and spotted one hanging on the back of the closet door.

He set all of the clothing down on the bed and walked over to Beca. When he leaned over and realized he was dripping water everywhere, he looked around for another towel. He found one and quickly dried himself the best he could, given he was still wearing soaked clothes. He grimaced when he realized he would have to touch Beca and probably lean her against himself to dress her. He stripped off his wet t-shirt and dried off his chest and stomach. Then he took a deep breath and set to work on Beca.

"Beca, it's me, Jesse. I know you are incredibly upset right now, but you are soaking wet. I don't want you to get sick, so I'm going to help you change into some dry clothes." She continued to sob, not paying him any attention.

"Beca, I don't want to upset you more, so please nod if it's okay to help you change." Beca nodded, not looking at him or making any move to help him.

He gently dried her hair and then pulled her wet hoodie from her torso, then followed with her t-shirt. He dried her skin and then took a steadying breath before unclasping her bra. He held the towel up to her chest as he pulled the straps from her arms and quickly replaced the wet bra with the dry one, and followed with the dry t-shirt.

"See, that wasn't so bad, and we're halfway there."

Jesse's heart was beating hard. One, because he'd just partially undressed the girl he'd been crushing on for months. Without looking. He was proud and exhilarated. And two, he still had half of her body to go, and admittedly, it was the trickier half.

She was wearing jeans. Tight jeans. He pried the boots off her feet and then her socks. Then he unbuttoned her jeans, glancing at Beca's face as he pulled the zipper down. He prayed to god that she had full underwear on…not a thong! She continued to cry, but nodded her head at Jesse's askance. He pulled the denim from her legs, that usually seemed short because of her small stature, but were endless now that he was touching her and pulling jeans off of them. He worked as quickly as he could, tossing the sopping jeans to the side and dragging the towel across her exposed skin.

As hard as he tried, he couldn't avoid sweeping her legs with his eyes. He was a teenage guy, after all. But as soon as his eyes hit her upper thighs, he gulped at the challenge that he was about to undertake. With all that leg, how could he strip her of her underwear without exposing her?

"Beca, it's time to take off your underwear. You don't have to do anything, but would you mind lifting your hips for me, to help me just a little? I'm trying really hard to be a gentleman about this whole thing."

Jesse's voice was nervous and shaky. Beca didn't nod her head or show that she heard him. But Jesse couldn't lose steam. He was going to go insane if her legs stayed bare for another second. So he draped the towel across her hips and reached underneath it to grasp her underwear from her hipbones. He dipped his fingers into the (thank god!) cotton waistband, counted to three in his head and then pulled down. She lifted her hips and placed her hands on top of the towel to prevent it from slipping. Jesse tossed the offending article of clothing into the pile he had created and reached for the dry underwear. He threaded her feet through the holes and pulled them up as quickly as he could. When his hands met the towel, she took over and pulled them up. He had never been more thankful in his life. He reached for the sweatpants and started to put them on Beca's feet.

When the pants came into her view, Beca sobbed harder. Jesse had no idea what was going on, but continued to pull the pants up to her hips. Jesse realized he forgot to grab socks and quickly reopened the drawer with her bra and panties. He pulled out a pair of white crew socks and slipped them onto her feet. Then he ran the towel over her hair again, wanting to make sure she wasn't too wet. When he was satisfied, he tossed the towel into the pile and pulled back the covers on her bed, pushing pillows aside. He scooped her up and gently set her on the bed, pulling the pillow under her head and the covers up over her body.

Jesse looked down at Beca and saw that she looked more comfortable. And before the sweatpants had made her sobs strengthen, she'd seemed to be calming down. Jesse shivered in the air conditioning of the room. He needed to get out of his wet clothes.

"Beca, I'm going to leave you for just a few minutes to go change into some dry clothes."

Beca's head turned on her pillow and her watery eyes met his. Along with the grief, there was a silent desperation. She didn't want him to leave.

"I promise I will be right back. I want to stay with you, but I'm wet from the rain. I'm just going to change and I'll be back before you know it."

She seemed content with his answer. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her temple. Then he grabbed his wet t-shirt and jogged from her room, across the courtyard between their dorm buildings (the rain had stopped, thank god), up to his own room. He shucked his wet clothing, dried his cold skin and put on warm, dry clothes. He grabbed what little food he could collect in less than 30 seconds and was running back to Beca's dorm.

* * *

So, I'll be nice and go ahead and upload the second part of this right now. No sense in making you wait! What do you think so far?

Song cred: _She Will Be Loved_ by Maroon 5

XOXO

Ash


	6. She Will Be Loved- Part 2

**A/N: **Here we go, second part! Don't worry, this part makes everything okay again...it also is really hard to get through. Have your tissues ready!

* * *

He returned, out of breath and closed the door quietly behind him. Beca was exactly where he left her, still crying. Jesse marveled at the amount of liquid that had come out of her. How had she not cried herself dry? How had she not grown too tired? Beca turning and reaching a hand out to him, interrupting his thoughts. He set the food down on her desk and sat on the side of Beca's bed. Her small arm wrapped around him and she pulled with all the strength she had left.

He barely budged, but took the hint. Jesse toed off his shoes and pulled the blankets from under him. He slid between the sheets and spooned Beca at her insistent pulling. He covered them again with the blankets and wrapped his arm around Beca's middle. Although Jesse's heart was breaking for the extraordinary girl, he was also in heaven, wrapped around his sweetheart.

Jesse stroked Beca's hair and let her continue to cry. After about another hour, her sobs finally quieted. Jesse realized she'd cried herself to sleep. He continued to stroke her hair, her face, her shoulder. He was transfixed on everything Beca. He counted the colors in her unbelievably shiny hair and lost count after finding at least fifteen different shades among her strands. He looked at her perfect ivory skin, unmarred by any blemish or freckle and noted the natural pink tinge of her cheeks. He stared at her perfect lips, that looked like a smooshed heart; the perfect points of her top lip and the smooth fullness of her bottom lip. He admired the slope of her slender nose, and the shape of her eyes. He brushed his fingers along her eyelashes, wondering if they felt as feather-soft as they looked (they did). He studied her eyebrows. Those eyebrows that quirked at his cheesy lines and knit together when she was confused. Those eyebrows that framed her beautiful eyes.

Jesse snapped out of his admiration when Beca shifted beside him, throwing her arm around his stomach. He realized how creepy he'd just been acting, staring so openly at her face. But Beca was in the land of sleep, and her mourning face finally looked relaxed and at peace.

Jesse didn't have to ask to know that someone must have died. He was guessing it was a grandparent or an aunt or uncle. He'd seen Mr. Mitchell on campus, across the quad a few days ago. He didn't look entirely upset, so he figured it wasn't Beca's mom.

Beca shifted again, turning her body away from him, and curling in on herself. This gave Jesse the freedom to stretch and look around her room at bit. He'd never actually been inside before, and he was curious. He admired the many posters she had hung on the walls and appreciated the eclectic feel to her decorating. He also noticed the obscene amount of music paraphernalia that was scattered around the room. He also saw lots of pictures of Beca with one girl, who he assumed must be Jenna. Beca had told Jesse about her and he'd heard lots of anecdote in which Jenna was a key player. He also saw pictures with a few other people: Beca's parents, Beca with another couple, whom he couldn't place, Beca with two boys, one who looked a little older than them and one who looked a few years younger. Jesse wondered if they were her brothers. Beca had never mentioned siblings, but if her brothers were anything like Jesse's, he wasn't surprised.

His gaze continued to travel the walls of the room and he finally noticed a black dress hanging from the inside of the closet door. On the floor under it, were a pair of black shoes, and hanging behind the dress was a black cardigan and a black jacket. Jesse deducted that Beca had definitely attended a funeral. Jesse continued to stare at the dress, trying desperately to figure out who it was and what had happened. Jesse concentrated so hard, that he didn't notice when Beca woke.

She remained quiet and stared at Jesse for a moment. She traveled the path his eyes bore and saw that he was studying the dress.

"It's Jenna." Her voice was quiet and broken, but it still startled Jesse.

"What's Jenna?"

"What the dress was for. It was for Jenna's funeral."

There was an eerie calm to Beca, and Jesse wondered where it came from. He also felt the stab in his heart when he heard Jenna's name reiterated. Jesse knew that Beca had been friends with Jenna for most of her life. And he now completely understood the gravity of the situation.

"I'm sorry about –" Beca paused, not knowing what word to use.

"Please don't apologize. You have every right to grieve in whatever way you need."

Beca could only nod. There was a slight pause, and a calm quiet took the air. Jesse sat up, Beca following suit. She wrung her hands together, and finally looked Jesse in the eye. Jesse was relieved to see that her eyes were clear again. While there was an immense amount of despair in them, they were the bright crystal blue that he loved so much. Beca cleared her throat.

"It was a car accident." Beca's eyes filled with tears, but not a single one fell.

"She wasn't even driving and she was wearing a seatbelt, just like always." Beca closed her eyes, two tears escaping down her cheeks.

"They declared her dead at the scene of the accident. Her new friend had been driving them home from the movie theater. They were going around a tight corner, and the roads were slick from rain. Her friend lost control of the car and it flipped." Jesse imagined the gruesome scene, cringing that Beca's friend had gone that way.

"Jesse –" Beca's voice broke on the second syllable of his name.

"She called me from the accident. She lived through the first part." Tears flowed freely down her face now. Jesse's stomach churned and his face went ghostly white.

"She was crying, telling me that she loved me and that she was sorry we ever separated for college. She told me that she wanted me to have all of her stuff, since half of it is mine anyway. She told me to take care of her brothers, and her parents. She told me to have a full, happy life. She told me to stop being so cynical about love and to let someone in. She told me to let you in." Beca was taking measured breaths, trying very hard to stay in control.

"She sounded fine, Jesse. She sounded normal. The other girl had already called an ambulance, so Jenna called me. Not her parents or her brothers….she called me." Beca let out a wavering breath.

"I asked her what was hurt. She wouldn't tell me. She kept yammering on about how I was going to be okay. I was going to fall in love with you and be happy. Jesse, she sounded so normal. I kept telling her to stop, that she was going to be fine. I told her that I was going to see her in a few hours and that I was already boarding a bus to come visit her in the hospital. She told me not to come. She told me that I had to call her parents, tell them to meet me halfway. She told me that I had to tell them before the police found them and did it. She told me it had to come from family." Tears flowed, shaky breaths threatened to break into sobs, but Beca held firm.

"I heard the ambulance pull up. She never sounded bad. She sounded fine until the very end." Tears, shaky breath, tears.

"I heard the ambulance, and then Jenna stopped talking. I yelled for her to answer me. I was sobbing. I heard her take a breath and then she said that she loved me. That I was her best friend in the entire world, that I was her sister. She told me she never loved anyone as much as she loved me. And then she told me the story of the very first day we met, in kindergarten. She told me how she instantly liked me and wanted to be my friend. She told me that she loved me her whole life, and just never knew until she saw me that day. She said my name one last time. And then she sounded like she was dying. She said she loved me one last time. She couldn't breathe. And then she said –she said –"

Beca broke, allowing the sobs to rage through her body. She cried for several minutes, huddled into Jesse's chest. He stroked her hair and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. She gained control sooner than Jesse thought she would. She didn't bother wiping her face, she just began to speak again.

"She said goodbye. And then she went quiet." Jesse looked at Beca, unable to comprehend the situation.

"Jesse, I heard her take her last breath." Jesse's eyes widened.

"The phone stayed on and I heard the paramedics pull her from the car and pronounce her dead at 23:43. Jenna died at 11:43 on October 4." Beca looked up at Jesse, her eyes pleading for him to understand.

"Jenna's birthday is October 5. She died almost exactly 19 years after her birth." Jesse shivered at the peculiarity.

"I was gone for so long, because I drove back to Florida to talk to her parents that night. I pulled in just before dawn. I woke them and her brothers up and told them to meet me in the living room. I went across the street and pulled my mom out of bed. It was like they knew when they saw me and my mom walk through the door."

Jesse could not believe the strength in the girl that sat before him. He couldn't believe that she had listened to her best friend, the most important person in her entire life, die and still drive several hours to be the first to tell her parents.

"I recounted the story to them. Told them that she made me promise to tell them that that she loved them. She made me promise to tell Nick that he could have all of her nerf guns and the official ownership deed to the tree house we built as kids. She made me promise to tell Reese that he could have her comic book collection and all of her stuffed animals. She made me promise to tell her parents how much she admired them and hoped to grow up to be just like them, and someone that they could be proud of. And I told my mom that she made me swear to tell her how much it meant to her to have a second mom. And to thank my mom for allowing Jenna to share me with her. I called my dad and told him that she made me promise to tell him that she loved him, but that he was the dumbest guy she knew for leaving us all behind." Beca paused for breath, her tears making it hard to gather air.

Jesse sat unblinking, enraptured by her words. He couldn't fathom doing the same things that Jenna had entrusted Beca to do . He knew he never would have been strong enough, even to do it for Evan, his best friend of only 5 years. He knew that he would never have made it out the other side if Evan had died.

"I told her family…my family, on her birthday, that Jenna died. Then I spent the next week, packing up the few things she had left at her parents' house. We planned her funeral, and the police had her body brought home. Jenna had always wanted to be cremated and have her ashes spread into the ocean. I think that's illegal, but I did it anyway." Beca grinned a small smile, then dug underneath her shirt for a necklace that wasn't there. Her eyes showed her panic, before she spotted the necklace sitting on the shelf next to her bed. She held up a small glass pendant.

"This is some of her ashes." The little glass bulb swung delicately in front of me.

"I know that's kind of creepy, but I wanted to always have a piece of her with me. She promised me, when we were 5 years old, that she would never leave me. And she hasn't. With this, she is always with me. And I like to think of those few ashes in there as being from her heart. I know it's impossible to tell and the ashes are all the same in the end. But it's nice to think that this is my favorite part of her," she gestured to the necklace.

"This is her kindness, loyalty, love, humor. This is my Jenna." Her eyes were fond as she spoke of Jenna, but the pain was unwavering.

Jesse realized the date was November 2nd. It had been less than a month since Jenna's death, and here was Beca, sharing the entire story with him. He reached out and placed his hand on her knee. She looked down and was reminded of the pink pants.

"These were Jenna's favorite sweat pants. She always liked brighter colors than I do, but I had to have these. I actually drove up to Vanderbilt with her parents right before I came back. We packed up her room and her parents took the boxes back to my house. I kept a few things with me, but most of her stuff is waiting for me back home. When I go home for Christmas, I'm going to sort through the boxes and decide what to keep. I don't know if I'll be able to get rid of anything, but I'm going to try. Having two complete wardrobes is a bit much, but Jenna's parents held true to her wishes. They are letting me have literally _all_ of her stuff. It's kind of overwhelming."

Beca chuckled humorlessly. Jesse could only respond by squeezing her knee.

"So…that's what's going on." Beca suddenly looked shy. Jesse was still speechless.

He failed at finding words, scrubbing his free hand over his face. He opened his mouth to talk and no words came out. He tried again, and it made him look like a fish, gasping for air. Beca giggled, and Jesse was glad to notice that she sounded truly tickled.

"Just say whatever you're thinking. You don't need to be afraid of offending me. I think I've cried myself dry!"

"Honestly, Beca, I don't know _what_ to say. I mean, you've just been through the most horrific, heart wrenching, devastating experience of your life. And here you are talking to me about and even finding humor in my stupidity. You seem to be handling this well, and I'm just astonished by your strength and tenacity. And I'm also so incredibly sorry for your loss. I hate the way that sounds so small and insignificant, but I don't know what else to say."

Beca nodded, thanking him for his sincere expression and then grinned and ducked her head as a pinker than normal blush spread across her cheeks.

"Well, crying certainly helped. And it will continue to help. Sometimes it's the only way to process through things. Crying sort of just helps everything make sense."

"See, it's that. Right there. You just lost someone very important and still you're able to look at it from a healthy perspective." Jesse shook his head.

"What? It's like you think I'm some emotionally-stunted deviant." There was mirth in Beca's eyes.

"I just…I'm confounded. And absolutely amazed. You're amazing, Beca."

She nodded her thanks and took Jesse's hand in her own.

"Thank you for being here. And for putting me in dry clothes. I know that wasn't easy."

"I didn't want you to freeze to death. And I wanted to help in any way that I could." Jesse's cheeks took on a pinkness of their own as he tried to explain his good deed.

"Thank you, Jesse. Seriously. Thank you."

There was warmth in her eyes that Jesse had never seen before. Even before Beca's world had been turned upside down, in as many smiles as he'd won from Beca, he'd never seen that certain glimmer in her eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if this tragic ending was the gateway for a very special, brand new start. Jesse beamed at Beca and squeezed her small hand in his.

She grinned back and returned the squeeze, laughing when he pretended that she hurt him.

"Seriously, Beca! You don't know your own strength!" Jesse meant for the words to be a joke about her physical strength, but realized they were so absolutely point on about her character.

"Thanks Jesse, I feel like I'm learning, I'm getting there, a little every day."

And the smile that she gave him was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in all his life. It seemed to speak _never leave me_. He returned her smile with one of his own; that he hoped told her _I want you with me always._

* * *

I would like to point out that the italicized words from the last two lines are borrowed from another FF writer, **dietgreantea.** I read the words in one of her (his? sorry...don't know your writing well enough to guess yet!) stories and fell in love. Wanted to make sure I cited my borrowed content!

Song Cred: _She Will Be Loved_ by Maroon 5

Review please!

XOXO

Ash


	7. Apology Mash-Up Part 1

**A/N:** So...I'm not really sure about this one. It's another two-parter. This first part was easy enough. But the next part coming up is going to be a challenge! So, this fic is going to be an extension of the fight that Beca and Jesse are in after she gets arrested. I know, "another fight!?" you say...but it seems like they fight a lot in the movie, so I don't feel this is OOC or out of canon at all. I've thrown some Luke and Chloe in there for good measure.

This fic has some texting conversations toward the end...let me know if you like the format that I used.

Two things you need to know in order for this to make a little more sense: everything here, is as it happens in the movie EXCEPT that I'm choosing to ignore the fight that Beca and Jesse have at the end of semi-finals, when she yells at him and tells him to back off. AND I'm rearranging some plot here...there is a deleted scene on the DVD where Beca does end up going to The Garage with Luke, so I've incorporated that to some degree...

Disclaimer: I did use a fair amount of dialogue from the movie, and of course it doesn't belong to me. I am merely borrowing it for the sake of furthering my own story. Also, the characters you recognize, do not belong to me. The only things I own are my mistakes and a pretty nifty laptop.

Onward, friends!

* * *

"Hey Hilary swank from million dollar baby!"

Beca walked out of the police precinct and saw Jesse waiting for her. A huge smiled erupted on her face.

"Hey!" Beca walked over to Jesse, throwing fake punches at him.

"You know you just have to say 'hey million dollar baby.' You don't have to reference a specific actress."

Jesse's face changed comically, a faux-shocked expression punctuating his words.

"Damn, prison changed you."

Beca withheld the laugh that tried to bubble to the surface. She couldn't admit how much she cared for this crazy guy.

"Thanks for bailing me out!" Her voice revealed her sincerity.

Jesse tossed up a hand, unaware of what he had inadvertently walked into.

"Well, I didn't."

At that moment, Beca saw her dad get out of his car.

"You called my dad?" The grin melted off her face and she turned around, revealing the hurt and betrayal she felt.

"I know, I know. But they were putting you in handcuffs, Bec. It looked pretty serious –" Jesse lifted his hands in surrender. He wanted to keep the conversation calm because he didn't want Beca to freak out.

"That doesn't mean you call my dad!" Beca's eyes glance over Jesse's chest, avoiding his eyes.

"Who else was I gonna call? Okay, why are you yelling at me? I'm the only one here."

Jesse felt his hackles rising. Why was this turning into a fight? He did what he thought was best. He didn't want Beca to have to spend the night in prison and he sure as heck didn't have the money to bail her out on his own.

"I didn't ask you to be." Beca's eyes glanced over Jesse again, this time scornfully.

Jesse's eyebrows rose, his surprise and injury evident in his face.

"I was just trying to help you." His voice came out softer, further proof that Beca had wounded him by her anger and brush-off.

"I don't need your help, you're not my boyfriend."

Beca felt embarrassed and angry that Jesse would call her dad, even though he knew –wait. He didn't really know how she felt about her dad. Regardless, she turned her back and walked away from Jesse.

"Got it."

Jesse knew the situation had gone from good intentions to a possible friendship- ending fight. He didn't know what to do, and wanted to reach out to Beca, apologize. Instead, he rubbed his hand together, allowing Beca to walk away.

Jesse watched helplessly as Mr. Mitchell jumped down Beca's throat at the situation. He wanted to say something in her defense, or do something to help. But Mr. Mitchell ignored everything Beca was trying to say and told her that their deal about LA was off. Even from behind her, Jesse could tell that Beca was upset, at a loss for losing the one thing she held onto to get her through her mandatory year at Barden. With a dismissive point, he told them both to get in the car. Beca was defeated and Jesse had never felt so powerless. He wanted to take away her struggling, not increase it.

The ride home from the precinct was uncomfortable to say the least. Mr. Mitchell seethed from the driver's seat. Jesse was hurt and confused and was trying to talk to Beca. She was having none of it. Jesse didn't turn his eyes away from her for even a second though, so when tears slipped down her cheeks, he noticed at once. Jesse realized that he had no right to call Beca's dad and involve him. He had inadvertently screwed up Beca's plans to move to LA. He had accidentally hurt the girl he was falling for. He understood why she was so mad at him. But he didn't say anything, because he was hurt too. He didn't want to be the one who always fixed their problems. So he stayed quiet and was determined to make Beca come to him.

* * *

Jesse and Beca didn't speak for days. Days turned into weeks. They had no more movie nights, not more witty banter at work. Beca had changed her schedule at the station, so now they worked opposing shifts. As soon as Jesse's shift was over, Beca would come in to replace him. He only got to see her for 30 brief seconds every day, as they passed each other in the station. Beca would briefly make eye contact, before averting her gaze and lowering her head.

She was ashamed of the way she'd treated Jesse, after he had done so much to help her. She wanted to apologize, but wasn't sure how to.

Regardless of the hurt that she had caused him, Jesse continued to nag Luke to play Beca's mixes. He knew how talented she was and that she was being overlooked by their station manager. After weeks of nagging, Luke caved and listened to the mixes. He loved them, of course, so he played her mix of _Bulletproof_ on the radio.

Jesse was in the studio working when the song came on. His ears instantly recognized the techno beat, and his head perked up. He raised his eyebrows, surprised that Luke had finally taken his advice. He saw Beca rush through the studio doors, so he ducked his head, not wanting to make eye contact.

Beca ran into the studio, a huge smile on her face.

"Hey! This is my track! You're playing my song right now. That is awesome! You like it? You put it on the radio. That is amazing!" Beca's joy was uncontainable.

Luke returned Beca's enthusiasm with a broad smile of his own. He took off the headphones that rested on his head and exited the sound booth.

"It's a sick beat."

Luke continued to smile, but walked away from Beca and messed with some records in order to hide the fact that he was impressed with Beca. She was talented, and if he were honest, he had a bit of a crush on her.

"Yeah, well I always thought her beats were pretty sick." Jesse's voice came from the upstairs deck of the station.

His face showed his annoyance with the attention Luke was showing Beca. Luke had never cared about or even noticed Beca before. But when Jesse had started nagging him to play her music, Luke made a competition out of the whole thing. He knew Jesse was fond of Beca and wanted to do whatever he could to have what wasn't his.

When Beca looked up, surprised that he was speaking on her behalf, his face dismissed her and he avoided eye contact again.

"Hey Becky listen; spring break, I want you to take the night shift. Play your music."

Beca smiled, and then glanced up at Jesse again, noticing that he was leaving. Even though she was over the moon about Luke liking and playing her mixes, her heart sank knowing she and Jesse were still fighting.

Frustrated with the entire situation, Jesse shook his head, turned on his heel and walked away, gathering his backpack.

"The DJ at The Garage does a brilliant version of this, but yours –it's better."

"Yeah it is!"

Beca studied Luke, trying to understand why he wouldn't look at her.

"I'm gonna listen to her tonight, I think you should come with."

Was he asking her on a date? Jesse was furious, and Beca was confused.

Luke continued to look down at the CD he was holding, not paying attention to Beca.

"I have a thing."

At Beca's hesitation, Luke looked up from the CD and gave her a once over, somehow noticing for the first time that she was in her Barden Bellas uniform.

"Flight attendant training?"

Feeling equal parts embarrassed for having to admit she was a Bella and shame for feeling embarrassed, Beca closed her eyes. She looked up and squinted at Luke, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't judge her for what she was about to say, hoping that he'd understand that music is music, no matter what form it comes in.

"It's ah –Barden Bellas. I'm –I have the semi-finals tonight."

"Really?" Luke's face showed his mirth and disapproval. "I did not have you pegged as an a cappella girl."

Jesse appeared from the back of the station.

"That's because you don't know _Becky_ like I do." Jesse's eyes bore straight into Beca's, searing the gash she carried from the ongoing fray between them.

"See you tonight." Jesse had walked by her, not stopping to receive a reply.

Beca's eyes showed her disappointment and hurt, and she shook her head, trying to dislodge the negative things she was feeling. She was thrilled about her mix being heard by so many people and didn't want to let anything, or any_one_ ruin her joy.

Walking back toward the sound booth, Beca cranked up the volume on the studio's speakers, allowing her music to blast through the room. She grinned broadly, enjoying the bump and pound of her mix. But her eyes instantly found the emptiness where Jesse _should have been_ and her smile faded. She wished he was still there to share the moment with her.

When her song ended, she knocked on the glass of the sound booth, getting Luke's attention. She crooked her finger at him, beckoning him out. He put aside the headphones and looked at her curiously. She crooked her finger again and he obeyed.

"What is it?"

"I can't make it tonight, but are you going to be at the garage another time? I'd like to come listen to the DJ, and maybe play a few of my mixes, if she'd allow it."

Luke gave Beca a calculated stare, wondering what she was truly asking. She didn't look fluttery, like a girl would look if she was asking a guy out, after just having turned him down. He figured it was about her music, like it always was with DJ types.

Luke shrugged his shoulders, turning back into the booth as he spoke.

"Sure, I'm going again next week. You're welcome to join. I'll even introduce you to the house DJ."

He closed the door on Beca's smiling face. But she was not deterred. She had a plan, and she wasn't going to let anything get in her way.

* * *

After the semi-finals, and for the next several days, all Beca did was work on a new mix. It was harder than any of the other mixes she'd done, because she had specific songs in mind. When putting together a mix, she usually just picked songs with similar downbeats and chord progressions. With this mix, she was after a certain theme, so the entire process was all the more challenging.

Beca didn't attend classes, and only attended Bella practices. She didn't go out with any of the girls afterward, and never hung around after practice to talk, like she usually did. She barely ate, only showered a few times, and took as few bathroom breaks as she possibly could.

Halfway through the final retouching of her mix, Beca got a text from Luke.

_**Feb 23, 2012, 8:47 PM**_

_Hey Becky, I'm going to the garage tomorrow around 9. You in?_

Beca didn't reply until she had completely finished retouching her song. She wanted it to be perfect and she didn't want any distractions. When she was content with how the song sounded, she sat back in her chair, stretching her neck and back. She yawned, and then picked up her phone to type out a quick reply to Luke.

_**Feb 23, 2012, 10:59 PM**_

_Yes, I'm in. See you there._

Luke replied almost instantly.

_**Feb 23, 2012, 11:00 PM**_

_Great. Tell the bouncer you're with me. He'll let you in._

Beca rolled her eyes. What was Luke's deal, anyway? She shook her head and stood up from her chair. She groaned when she realized she'd been sitting for over 8 hours. Her body ached. She walked around the room, stretching out her sore muscles. She needed to shower, but she was much too tired. She made a copy of her mix, shut down her computer and then crawled into bed. She needed sleep if she was going to pull this off.

Beca woke the next morning when Kimmy Jin slammed the door on her way out. Apparently, her roommate didn't appreciate Beca's late night. Well, Beca didn't appreciate being woken up before 9 on a Saturday.

It was 8:45, and Jesse was a morning person. If her apology was going to work, he needed to actually know about it. She picked up her phone to send him a text, but paused after she'd typed his name into a new text message. They hadn't talked in so long that she didn't know what to say.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 8:49 AM**_

_Hey Jesse, I know we're still fighting, but I'm playing a new mix at The Garage tonight. Come?_

Beca waited anxiously, hoping he'd agree to come. When she hadn't received a reply, Beca stretched and got out of bed. She stripped her pajamas and put on her robe. Grabbing her shower basket, she snatched her towel and headed to the community bathroom to shower.

After her shower, Beca realized how hungry she was. After all, she hadn't been eating regular meals the last few days. She dressed quickly and then headed to one of the several cafeterias on campus.

After she was full to the brim of every kind of breakfast food imaginable, Beca walked back to her room. She needed to get ready for the night. She had no idea what she was going to wear. She decided to send Chloe a text, begging for help.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 10:14 AM**_

_Hey, going to a club tonight to DJ. Come help me pick clothes?!_

Chloe responded a few minutes later, as Beca pushed the door open to her room.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 10:20 AM**_

_Sure, headed over now. You have to give me deets! Is it a date?_

Beca rolled her eyes. What was with this girl? Why did she think it was always about a guy? Well, this time it actually _was_ about a guy, but that was entirely beside the point.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 10:22 AM**_

_Not a date. Tell you when you get here. _

A few minutes later, Chloe knocked on her door. Beca opened it with a smile and Chloe walked in, cheerful as ever.

"Good morning! So tell me!"

Beca rolled her eyes. How was she so damn chipper all the time? Beca was **not** a morning person. It wasn't exactly early morning, but Beca still wasn't fully awake.

"Luke finally listened to my music. He asked me to go to some club tonight to listen to another DJ. He said he'd introduce us, and I might even get to play my new mix." Beca blushed as Chloe squealed.

"That is so exciting, Beca!" Chloe paused thoughtfully for a moment.

"Wait, I thought you didn't care about this guy…why are you freaking out about what to wear?"

Beca thought of a way, _any_ way, to change the subject or distract Chloe. Coming up with nothing, she sighed and decided to tell the truth.

"I invited Jesse. We've been in a fight since regionals, and I really need to apologize. The mix is sort of an apology."

Chloe squinted her eyes and tilted her head, not understanding.

"It's a movie nerd thing…you know, the grand gesture. The big apology that has a deeper significance."

Chloe still didn't seem to understand.

"He gets music. He gets the whole 'gesture' thing. To him, me dedicating this mix to him, it will be a better apology than me actually saying the words."

Recognition dawned in Chloe's eyes, and she smiled.

"You are such a cheesy softy!"

There was an accusatory tone in her voice, but Chloe's face glinted with laughter. Beca chuckled and threw a half-hearted punch at her friend.

"Don't ever say those words aloud again!"

Chloe smiled and nodded her head.

"Okay, fine. But let's find you a hot outfit!"

After Chloe left, Beca had nothing left to do. Her outfit was planned, the mix was finished, and she'd gotten enough rest that she wasn't tired. She looked around her room, at a loss. When her eyes landed on the forgotten cover of one of Jesse's movies, she reached out for it. She was surprised when she opened it to find the disk in its place. Shrugging, she took the disk out and popped it into the disk drive of her laptop.

As the opening scene of _Sixteen Candles_ played on her screen, her phone buzzed with a text. When Beca saw that it was from Jesse, her heart skipped a beat and butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 1:09 PM**_

_I'll come. Meet at my dorm and we can go together?_

Beca sighed in relief. Maybe this meant he had forgiven her already.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 1:10 PM**_

_This doesn't change anything. I'm still upset._

Guess not. She thought for a moment before she typed her reply.

_**Feb 24, 2012, 1:13 PM**_

_No, I know. We can talk tonight. And yes, we can share a taxi...I'll call one._

He was prompt at answering texts…usually, so when Jesse didn't reply, Beca knew the conversation was over. For the time being, anyway.

She sighed again, wondering how everything had gotten so screwed up. Wondering why she couldn't just let him be there for her. She wanted to forget about her troubles for a little while, so she let the movie consume her. By its end, she understood why Jesse loved movies so much. They truly did consume you in a way that nothing else could. For the brief moment that you watched the movie, nothing else existed. You could escaped your life, your worries, your responsibilities and immerse yourself in the story. She understood.

8pm finally rolled around and Beca jumped up from her bed, ready to prepare for her big night. She took extra time on her hair and makeup, wanting everything to be perfect. When she looked in the mirror and was satisfied with her appearance, Beca grabbed her jacket and the copy of her mix and headed out to meet Jesse.

He was ready, standing outside of his dorm, waiting for her. Beca's stomach flipped when she saw him. He was even more attractive than she remembered. It seemed to her that she was seeing him for the first time.

Jesse's stomach flipped too. Beca was beautiful and he was frustrated that they still weren't speaking. But he was a glutton for punishment and needed to be near her. And he wanted to be there to support her music. She was talented and he felt like he was partially responsible for getting her music out there. He wanted to see her in her element, see her on a stage DJ-ing. He was secretly excited.

They walked in silence to the curb where the taxi would be picking them up. When they stopped, Beca turned to face Jesse.

She smiled at him. He returned the smile. She shrugged, breaking eye contact.

"Hey." Her voice came out as a whisper.

"Hey yourself." Jesse's voice came out softer than he intended.

She stared at him for a long moment. He could see the battle behind her eyes, the struggle to decide what her next step was.

"Jesse –" Beca's voice was interrupted by the honk of the taxi's horn.

Beca knew that the moment had been lost. She sighed, letting Jesse open the taxi door for her. She slid onto the seat and gave the driver the address. They rode in silence. Neither Jesse nor Beca could help but be reminded of the drive the night she was arrested. Jesse glanced at Beca nervously. She was deep in thought, staring at some far off place.

A few minutes passed, and they were soon at the club. Jesse thanked the driver and handed over a small wad of cash, gently pushing Beca's hand away when she tried to pay. She smiled demurely and took his hand as he helped her out of the car. The taxi pulled away and the two made their way up to the line that wrapped around the side of the club.

Jesse stalled when they reached the back of the line, but Beca tugged on his coat sleeve, leading him to the black rope at the front. Jesse's eyebrows were raised as Beca greeted the bouncer and gave him Luke's name. The bouncer looked carefully between the two of them and then nodded, moving to the side to let them in.

* * *

It's late here, and I'm tired. So I will finish writing this and upload the second part as soon as I can. Thank you to all of my lovelies who review on the regular...you make my life! To the rest of you, it's not too late to earn virtual hugs and cookies...review now!

Hugs and kisses!

Ash


	8. Apology Mash-Up Part 2

**A/N: **So...I was sad because I thought that I had posted the first part of this story last night. Alas, I didn't. I decided to wait until today to post it, so that I could post the two-parter together. I was so worried when I thought no one had commented on it! Silly me! So here is the second part. Let me warn you, this part is **very****,** _very, _very song heavy. I apologize in advance if that bugs you. Also, I want to ask that you all take the music part with a grain of salt. I'm musically inclined, but I'm no DJ or music engineer...so I don't really know how to mix sound or put songs together seamlessly. That being said, it is **_VERY_** hard to write music together, if that makes sense. Like, instead of mixing it...I'm writing it...yeah? So please suspend your disbelief as you read this chapter.

This is the epic apology, so _that_ is what I want you to take away from this chapter. Also, TheEndingsAreTheBestPart suggested that I use Akon's _Lonely _in one of my fics. So props and thanks to you, because your suggestion is what brought me to the idea of doing a mix-up song fic! Also, thank you because this has been, by far, the most challenging fic I have ever written. It is **hard** work getting the write songs, figuring out which parts to include, finding lyrics, making sure the songs could maybe_sortof_possibly blend together. I feel that I have grown as a writer!

Disclaimer: There is some swearing in this chapter, but all to stay true to character. Nothing too horrible. Also, the music (which I will cred at the end), the characters we all know and love (or love to hate *cough*luke*cough*), and PP are not mine. The circus that is the chapter, and the mistakes are the only things that do belong to me.

* * *

Jesse and Beca entered the club. It was dark and music thumped loudly. Beca looked around for Luke, wanting to meet the DJ as soon as possible. She spotted him after a moment and looked back at Jesse before walking straight to him. Jesse followed.

"Hey." Beca called out, getting Luke's attention.

"Hey yourself!" Luke looked genuinely excited to see her…until he spotted Jesse standing behind her.

Beca followed Luke's eyes and saw his smile fall when Jesse came into his view.

"Sorry, I hope you don't mind that I brought him." Beca leaned closer to Luke, trying to conceal their conversation.

"I kind of owe him, and I wanted him to be here if I get to play tonight." Beca gestured at the platform where the DJ's mixing table was set up.

Luke nodded and took her by the shoulder, leading her away from Jesse and toward the DJ. Beca looked helplessly back over her shoulder at Jesse. She mouthed _sorry_ to him and it hit her deeply when she realized how much she had to be sorry about.

Luke led Beca onto the raised platform and tapped the DJ on the shoulder. The girl was blonde and thin, but was tall and had muscles like an athlete. Luke gestured between the two women

"Lindsay, this is Beca, the girl I was telling you about." Lindsay nodded and shook Beca's hand.

"Your mixes are great! Luke lent them to me and I checked them out." Lindsay was nodding, showing Beca she approved.

"Thanks. I was actually hoping to play tonight, if you'd let me." Beca held her breath.

"Absolutely! The table's all yours!" Beca grinned.

The techno beat that was playing slowly faded to just a thumping bass line as Lindsay introduced Beca to the group of people that were on the dance floor. They cheered politely, but waited as Beca set up.

She plugged her flash drive into the computer and pressed play. Instantly her mix began to fill the club. She looked around for Jesse, but saw him nowhere.

Violins began to play steadily for a few measures. A heavy downbeat soon followed. Together, the sound rose in a crescendo before the interweaving lyrics of YoungBloodz filled the room.

_I'm gonna shine, I'm gonna make it  
Ain't nothing to it to it  
I'll take it (I take it)  
I feel it (I feel it)  
I'll flip it (I'll flip it)  
Pull it pull it I'll straight get it  
I'm gonna climb  
I ain't waiting  
There's no end to the money I'm making  
For streetin' for chasing we get it in  
The crunk hating_

The voices faded, but the bass and violins continued, fading slightly. Beca looked up from the turn table again, trying to find Jesse in the crowd. She wasn't sure he'd understand just yet, but she wanted to know where he was so that she could draw strength and courage from him.

The violins faded into a chorus of "hey ohs." Beca hoped that Jesse would recognize Blackstreet from the night in the pool, at the riff off.

_I like the way you work it  
No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

_I like the way you work it  
No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

_I like the way you work it  
No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

The staccato rhythm of Blackstreet's voice overlapped the chorus of "hey ohs" that continued to play throughout the section and drifted into the next, playing a steady beat behind Akon's voice.

_Yo this one here goes out to all my players out there ya know _

_Got that one good girl who's always been there like ya  
Know took all the bullshit then one day she can't take it no more and decides to leave_

The "hey ohs" faded into the slower rhythm of _Lonely_.

_I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, _

_Coulda sworn I was dreaming, for her I was feenin,_

_So I had to take a little ride, back tracking over these few years, _

_Tryna figure out what I do to make it go bad, cause  
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin'_

Beca added a scratch into the mix, using the sound mixer in front of her. She wanted to catch Jesse's attention before the chorus of the song played.

_Lonely I'm Mr Lonely,  
I have nobody,  
For my own  
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely  
I have nobody,  
For my own  
I'm so lonely_

The song was slow, Beca could admit. And she could see that it was killing the mood of the club. She was glad that she had thought of that ahead of time, and created a mix that incorporated some faster songs too.

She grasped the headphones on her head, readjusting them before she added in some scratches. There was a collective uproar of excitement when Cam'Ron's voice filled the club, speeding up the vibes.

_Hey ma, what's up, lets slide, all right, all right  
And we gonna get it on tonight  
You smoke, I smoke, I drink, me too, well good  
Cause we gonna get high tonight  
Got drops, got Coups, got Trucks, got jeeps, all right  
Cause we gonna take a ride tonight  
So ma, what's up, let's slide, all right, all right  
And we gonna get it on tonight_

Beca let the Cam'Ron song continue for a few beats before seamlessly transitioning into the opening lines of one of Cobra Starships' more popular songs.

_I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad_

Jesse listened from the dance floor, amazed that Beca could blend together two songs that ordinarily would never mix. He was amazed at her talent. He continued to listen as the song blended into the next. Jesse grinned when he heard Kevin Rudolf's _Let it Rock_ come into the mix. Beca continued to be a surprise.

_Because when I arrive  
I, I'll bring the fire  
Make you come alive  
I can take you higher  
What this is, forgot?  
I must now remind you  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock_

Jesse couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Beca had dubbed herself singing over the end of the chorus. She said no words, but her sweet voice carried over the top of Kevin Rudolf's deeper voice and he felt himself get the goose bumps.

_Just Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock...  
Let It Rock..._

Beca let the words fade into generic techno music for a few seconds, and then Lady Gaga's voice broke into the mix.

_I've had a little bit too much  
All of the people start to rush.  
Start to rush babe.  
A dizzy twister dance  
Can't find my drink or man.  
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.  
What's going on on the floor?  
I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore.  
Keep it cool what's the name of this club?  
I can't remember but it's alright, alright._

Every nerve ending in Beca's body felt as if it were on fire, and her head felt light and heavy at the same time. Her heart pounded and sweat poured from her brow. Actually DJ-ing was way harder than she ever imagined. She also had the added stress of getting her apology across to the man she was falling in love with.

(Wait…what?)

Beca shook her head, trying to dislodge the thought. She concentrated on the transition that was coming up after the next chorus.

_Just dance. Gonna be okay.  
Da-doo-doo-doo  
Just dance. Spin that record babe.  
Da-doo-doo-doo  
Just dance. Gonna be okay.  
Duh-duh-duh-duh  
Dance. Dance. Dance. Just dance._

Beca let out a breath as she let Rihanna take over for her effort. Rihanna very much had the "club music" down to a T.

_I'm breakin' dishes up in here  
All night (uh huh)  
I ain't gonna stop until I see police lights (uh huh)  
Imma fight a man (tonight)  
Imma fight a man (tonight)  
Imma fight a man  
A man, on a m-a-a-a-aan  
A man, a man, on a m-a-a-a-aan  
Oh_

Beca knew she was laying her entire heart on the line with each and every song she chose for her mix. She had poured so much of herself into the selection of the songs, the mixing, the overlaying sounds that she added in, like extra bass beats, drums, and her own voice. She sucked in a hot breath, feeling dizzy as a faster version of Pink's _Sober_ filled the club's airway.

_I'm safe  
Up high  
Nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're my protection  
How do I feel this good sober?_

So…her sobriety was more of a metaphor than an actual _thing. _She didn't actually have a problem with alcohol or anything else…except for maybe sarcasm. But she hoped Jesse would understand the sentiment just the same. She felt better with him. He protected her. He took away her pain. She was coming to understand how she could feel so good with just him. She loved him. Beca sighed. She couldn't believe what her music was doing to her. She also knew the fast part of her mix was over, and that the actual hard part was coming up. She allowed Pink's voice to filter away softly but kept the backbeat of the song. She mixed in another of Rihanna's songs, concluding the music she had permission to play.

_I'm obsessive when just one thought of you comes up  
And I'm aggressive just one thought of close enough  
You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue  
'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you  
I'm the question and you're of course the answer  
Just hold me close boy 'cause I'm your tiny dancer  
You make me shaken up, never mistaken  
But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help_

Beca made a shout out to the club, thanking them for their enthusiasm and support. She allowed _S.O.S _to continue playing and then asked the house DJ to return to the platform. The DJ, whose name she couldn't remember for her life, came up behind her and told her she could keep playing if she wanted. Beca shrugged. She told the girl she only had a slow mix left and that she wasn't sure the people in the club would like it. She didn't know why, but she also felt the need to tell the DJ _why_ she had planned a slow mix as well. When the girl heard that Beca was using her music as an apology, she would not let Beca leave the platform. Instead, she lowered the volume of the house music that played after Beca's mix had finished and called the attention of the people.

"Hey guys! Lindsay here!"

(Lindsay, that's right.)

"My girl Beca here is great, isn't she?" There was excitement in Lindsay's voice, and the crowd responded in kind. It took her a moment to get them quiet enough that she could address them again.

"Listen, I'm thinking of letting my girl keep playing, but there's a catch." Beca looked out at the crowd, still not able to find Jesse.

"She's got a slower set planned for the next little while." Beca expected to hear groans, but the crowd just cheered.

"I'm glad you're excited to hear it, because it's an extra special mix." Beca marveled at how Lindsay held the rapt attention of the mob.

"She and her guy are in a big fight." Beca wanted to interrupt and explain that Jesse wasn't _actually_ her guy, but Lindsay spoke on.

"Her next set is a sort of apology to him. So if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna let her play. Maybe I'm curious, I don't know. But go ahead and grab a drink, find a seat or a dance partner, and we are gonna slow this shit down a bit!" Lindsay turned to Beca.

"Beca, you ready!?" Lindsay's shouting had the people pumped, even if they were going to "slowing it down." Beca couldn't help but feel excited. Her blood buzzed through her veins. She was about to put the final touches on her apology. She hoped like hell that Jesse was near and was listening and would understand.

"Hey guys, thanks for giving me so much love! I'm gonna go ahead and start. Jesse –if you're still here, this is for you. I'm sorry."

Beca popped her flash drive into the house computer. She pulled up her mix and held her breath as the Pussycat Dolls filled the speakers.

_We're driving slow through the snow  
On fifth avenue  
And right now radio is  
All that we can hear_

Man we ain't talked since we left  
It's so overdue  
It's cold outside  
But between us  
It's worse in here

Beca looked out into the crowd, and she gasped as she finally found Jesse and caught his eye. She couldn't read his face. It was too dark, and he was too far away. But he wouldn't take his eyes off her.

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now  
I know this is the part where the end starts

Beca fought back tears. She had sobbed her eyes out when she created the mix, but she had not anticipated getting emotional while playing it.

I can't take it any longer  
Thought that we were stronger  
All we do is linger  
Slipping through our fingers  
I don't want to try now  
All that's left is goodbye to  
Find a way that I can tell you

Jesse understood. She could tell in the way that, every second, he moved closer to the platform where she stood. She wanted to reach out and grab him, show him how sorry she was.

_I hate this part right here  
I hate this part right here  
I just can't take your tears  
I hate this part right here_

Jesse didn't know how she did it, but she'd done it again. After the last line of the chorus, Beca smoothly inserted another song that Jesse had trouble recognizing. He didn't know the words, but knew that the two songs wouldn't normally go together. He listened intently, not wanting to miss a thing. Buckcherry's _Sorry_ filtered to his ears.

_Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away  
I missed you and things weren't the same_

_Cause everything inside it never comes out right  
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die_

Jesse's eyes seared a path from where he stood. Beca could feel the warmth from across the room, up on the raised platform.

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you  
And I know I can't take it back  
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round  
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry:  
_

Beca tried to keep herself calm, but the looks Jesse was giving her were freaking her out. She was also freaking out that the next few songs were going to "out" her as a secret The Fray lover. The previous song faded, and the quicker melody gave way to something slower, mixing in with the voice of the lead singer, Isaac Slade.

_Trying not to lose my head but I have never been this scared before  
Tell you what I'll do instead, lay my body down on the floor  
To forget what I've done, silhouette til the good lord come  
_

She found his eyes and held onto them like they were life preservers.

_All we know is distance  
We're close and then we run  
Kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one_

But this is how the story ends  
Or have we just begun  
To kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one

Because she was using several songs from The Fray in a row, the mixing had been much easier.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

And yet another seamless slide. Jesse was nearing the stage, trying to decide on his next move.

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

Jesse was practically on top of the platform now. He waged an epic debate in his head, not knowing if he should let her finish her mix, or just jump on stage and kiss her.

Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you

When Jesse recognized Colplay's lyrics, it took herculean effort not to pull her down to him and kiss her senseless.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you, tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart  
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions  
Oh let's go back to the start  
Running in circles, coming up tails  
Heads on a science apart  
_

Beca looked down and saw Jesse standing at her feet on the dance floor. The platform was raised a few feet in the air, so she couldn't easily get to him. She also knew the end of her mix was coming and that her voice would finish the apology. She was nervous for that part. Sure, she'd sung a few things as overlays for other music, but this was different. She only had a few more seconds. She avoided Jesse's gaze, terrified.

_Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start._

When _The Scientist_ drew to an end, a sweet, slow melody took its place. Beca held her breath.

_You and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously  
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be  
_

Jesse's eyes widened. He recognized that it was Beca's voice that sang the words to him, but he couldn't figure out the artist who originated the song. Beca's eyes pierced through space, right into Jesse's soul. He could tell that she meant every word that entered his ears.

_He's disappearing  
Fading subtly  
I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me  
Please  
_

Jesse couldn't believe it. He finally recognized the song as one by A Fine Frenzy. Beca's voice was so perfect for the song. He shivered at the chill that had settled into his skin. He was utterly enthralled by this girl.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

The chorus began to play again and Jesse threw caution to the wind and climbed onto the platform. All that stood between him and Beca was the mixing table.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you. Yes, I'm better near to you._

Beca's voice drifted away, along with the last notes of music. Silence ensued, and Jesse carefully made his way around the table. Lindsay appeared behind Beca and asked the crowd to give her some applause. More silence followed, as the entirety of the club watched Jesse pull Beca into his arms.

They hugged for a long moment before Jesse pulled back, staring into Beca's eyes. They glistened with unshed tears.

"I'm so sorry, Jesse. I was stupid and said –"

Jesse silenced her with his lips. They were warm and soft and delicious. Beca felt a fire start in her mouth and burn slowly down her body. Jesse's hands wound into her hair and around her waist, and licks of fire joined the burn from her mouth. Soon, Beca felt like her entire body was engulfed in flames. She needed air and she could hear raucous cheering from the mob of people. She pulled back and stared bewildered at Jesse. Every second, her feelings for him felt truer, and truer.

"I forgive you, Bec. Please get over here and kiss me again!"

Beca obeyed and was soon wrapped up in Jesse's arms again. After a short moment, Lindsay cleared her voice. She had started playing her house mix again.

"Hey guys. I'm super happy that you worked out –whatever. And Beca, you are truly amazing! But in about 5 seconds, that bouncer –" Lindsay pointed to a very large, surly-looking man that was approaching. "Is going to pick you up by your ears and toss you out of the club. He's very protective of me and the equipment, and you guys making out on stage…well, that poses a liability!"

Beca could tell that Lindsay was mostly joking around. But she saw the ginormity of the bouncer and decided it was a good idea to bail. Also, she wasn't exactly comfortable with PDA, and she and Jesse still had some things to work out.

"Thank you, Lindsay, **so** much for letting me play tonight! It has been such an honor and so much fun!"

Lindsay looked affronted.

"No way, the honor is all mine! If these people weren't drunk off their asses, they'd jump ship and follow you to the ends of the earth. They _love_ you! And so do I! Come back any time, and I'll let you jump in and play!" Lindsay leaned in to Beca and gave her a quick hug.

"It's nice to meet you, Jesse." She shook Jesse's hand.

Beca and Jesse said their final goodbyes and hopped off the platform. They immediately headed to the exit, eager to catch a taxi and discuss further, the events of the night.

Finally out of the heat and noise of the club, Jesse turned to Beca as they waited on the curb for a taxi.

"You are amazing." Jesse planted an unexpected kiss to Beca's lips. She blushed and stumbled back slightly.

"Thanks." Beca looked at her feet.

"It was all for you. I needed to apologize for my awful behavior, but I didn't know how to put it into words." She looked back up at Jesse and saw love and understanding in his eyes.

"I'm not so good with words…but music. Yeah, I'm good with music." Jesse nodded his head in agreement and poked Beca's ribs. She squirmed in protest, but not before a giggle escaped her mouth.

"Thank you, Beca. That was the best apology I've ever received." Jesse's words were sincere.

"But I think I owe you an apology as well." Beca looked up, confused.

"I shouldn't have called your dad. That's like, rule number one in college, right? Don't narc on your friends, especially the girl you're crazy about…"

Jesse blushed as Beca's eyes coyly met his.

"You're crazy about me?"

"Guess the cat's out of the bag, huh?" Jesse chuckled, and Beca let the sound fill her with warmth.

Their taxi pulled up and Jesse opened the door for her. They rode back to the dorms, sharing comfortable conversation the whole way. They both knew they didn't need to further discuss anything. The fight was over, and all was resolved. They could now move forward. The best thing about both of them, was that they didn't linger. They both wanted to move forward, and with such a beautiful apology now behind them, they could start anew.

* * *

Not so bad, eh? Song cred, in order of appearance-

YoungBloodz- Imma Shine

BlackStreet- No Diggety (which, can I just say...I like the PP version in the riff-off mix MUCH better than the original...)

Akon- Lonely

Cam'Ron- Hey Ma

Cobra Starship- Good Girls Go Bad

Kevin Rudolf- Let it Rock

Lady Gaga- Just Dance

Rihanna- Breaking Dishes

Pink- Sober

Rihanna- S.O.S.

Pussycat Dolls- I Hate this Part

Buckcherry- Sorry

The Fray- Where the Story Ends, How to Save a Life, I'll Look After You

Colplay- The Scientist

A Fine Frenzy (Beca edition)- Near to You

Phew! That was a lot! So, because I included SO much music in this fic, I think that I will be taking a break from song fics for a little while. I am burned out! But not to worry...I have a very cheeky two-shot in mind that I can't wait to start writing! I think you will all love it.

I love you all and I thank you deeply for sticking through this mess! Let me know what you thought!

XOXO

Ash


	9. Beca Just Wants to Get it On! (Part 1)

**A/N:** So, I'm kind of disappointed with the response from the last two chapters. I'm really hoping everyone is just busy and hasn't had time to read or review. Nevertheless, I am going to post the new chapter for my sweet readers who have reviewed. This is going to be another two-shot. This idea popped into my head the other day and I was intrigued and knew I needed to write it. So this one is in 3rd person POV, roughly how Beca views everything, but not specifically from her POV. The next one will be from Jesse's view.

I'm temporarily upping the rating, for this chapter, because it talks about sex and has some swearing. There are some make out scenes...they get steamy, but there's nothing too explicit. Please keep that in mind as you read, and if you are underage or don't like that sort of thing, please skip over the next two chapters. No harm, no foul!

As always, characters and PP do not belong to me. The shenanigans I put the characters in and my mistakes are my own.

Happy reading (and reviewing)!

* * *

It had been 6 months since the ICCA's. Beca and Jesse had been dating since she walked off the stage and kissed him. As much as it made Beca grumble at the cheesiness, they really were a perfect couple. They weren't without their disagreements and fights (only one big one so far, thank god), but they understood each other, cared deeply for each other and were genuinely best friends.

Their friends called them "perfection," but both Beca and Jesse knew that what they had wasn't perfect. Their relationship had been fought for, hard! They worked daily on compromising, working together, and making the relationship work. They communicated their thoughts and feelings and worked through any hard things or disagreements at once, not letting anything build up. It was a choice, and they knew that. They were under no disillusionments about who or what they were.

Because of Beca's experience with love and marriage, Jesse worked extra hard to show her just how good love could be. Jesse was also working on not being quite so mushy-gushy and cliché. He knew that Beca wanted him just for who he was, and not for the cutesy dates he planned, or cheesy pick-up lines he used.

Beca was working on being less sarcastic, and opening her heart to Jesse. She knew that he deserved every bit of her trust, every nook and cranny of her heart. She was getting there, a little each day. She was also working on not being so cynical about love. Jesse was different than any guy she'd ever known and she knew that if she could love anyone, make a relationship work with anyone, it would be with him.

* * *

As well as their relationship worked, and as well as they communicated about everything, Beca was frustrated. She knew she couldn't exactly just tell Jesse why, and that drove her all the more crazy. She knew she probably shouldn't be talking to anyone else about this problem, but she'd had a moment of weak neediness and called Chloe.

"Hey Chloe, can you talk?"

Beca kept her voice even and calm, not wanting Chloe to think that something was seriously wrong.

"Hey! Yes, I'm free! I'm glad you called! I feel like it's been forever since we've talked. I've missed our chats! What can I do for you, what's up?"

Beca smiled at Chloe's loquaciousness.

"Well, to be honest, I'm frustrated."

"Frustrated at what?"

Chloe was a good listener and a good friend, and Beca allowed the sentimentality of feeling grateful for her pass through her body.

"Well, Jesse." Beca listened intently to the silence on the other end of the phone.

"What happened? You're not breaking up with him, are you?"

Chloe paused for a brief second, and Beca tried to answer, but was immediately interrupted by her friend.

"Because if you break his heart, I will personally come beat the living shit out of you!"

Again, Beca tried to defend herself, but Chloe kept on.

"Seriously, Bec, he's like the best thing that's ever happened to you. You can't just throw it all away!"

Beca knew that she needed to let Chloe get it out of her system, so she remained quiet.

"He's the best guy any of us have ever known and you know we are all jealous of you."

Beca smiled, knowing Chloe was referring to Aubrey and the "old" Bellas.

"Seriously, and your relationship seems so perfect! Why on earth are you throwing it away?"

Finally Chloe ran out of steam, allowing Beca to continue her explanation.

"Well, Chatty-Kathy, if you had let me finish explaining, you would know that I'm not breaking up with him, and I'm not doubting him."

"Well, then what's the problem?"

Chloe obviously thought their relationship was the most perfect relationship to ever exist if she couldn't see that there could be problems that _didn't_ depend on Beca's uneasiness about relationships.

"It's actually just the opposite. I'm not running away from commitment…I want more of it." Beca paused, allowing the cogs in Chloe's brain to click.

"What do you mean, like for him to propose? As adorable as you two are, I think it's a little early for that."

Chloe's voice was hesitant, not wanting to offend Beca, but also trying to talk some sense into her.

"No, nothing like that. Yet." Beca paused again, not sure how to put into words what her frustration was.

"Then, what is it, Beca?" Chloe was out of ideas and was beginning to show her irritation.

"I want to get it on with him, but no matter what I do, he stops us before we ever get close."

Beca felt the heat of her blush as it crept down her face and onto her neck and chest.

"Ohhhh!" Beca could hear Chloe's boisterous laughter through the phone.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing because it's funny. I'm laughing because I was so off. I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner."

Beca nodded her head.

"Yeah, thanks. That's a little more the sentiment I was looking for."

Beca got up from the chair she was sitting in and crossed the room to her bed. She sat down and crossed her legs, ready to finally get into the conversation.

"So, what do you mean he stops it before it gets close?"

Beca could feel her embarrassment rising. She shouldn't be embarrassed. Chloe was her best friend, aside from Jesse, and she _should_ be having conversations like this with her.

"Well, I mean…" Beca paused, trying to trump her humiliation.

"So, we will be making out, you know, getting into it. But if I ever make a move to take it to the next level, he always pushes me off of him, or breaks our kiss. We haven't talked about it, really, but I always just assumed we were on the same page. We've been on the same page about everything else that's like that."

Beca shifted, feeling like a child. She shouldn't be embarrassed to just say the words. She was an adult and she was talking to her best friend.

"Okay, hmm."

Beca swore she could actually hear Chloe thinking.

"I know this is kind of strange, but can you give me a specific example?"

Beca forced away the blush that tried to creep into her skin. She could do this.

"Okay, just last night, I was at his apartment. Benji was gone, and we had just finished dinner."

**FLASHBACK**

"_Beca, I'm impressed! I didn't know you could cook." _

_Jesse was looking at Beca with amusement and pride. No one ever guessed that Beca could cook. She had essentially raised herself, after her dad left. Her mom had gone off the deep end and had thrown herself into work. She was rarely ever home for dinner, and Beca had been forced to learn the craft. _

"_Thanks, it's a talent I've honed for many years!" _

_Beca's tone was playful as she smiled at Jesse. He was clearing the dishes from the table before he joined her on the couch, where she'd retired to. She was settling into the cushions, getting ready for their viewing of some movie or another. _

_Jesse finished clearing the dishes from the table and the counters and walked into the living room to join Beca. He placed a DVD into the player and plopped down next to Beca. She immediately scooted closer to him, tangling her legs with his. _

"_So, what are we watching?" Beca had learned to be a good sport about the movies. It was an inevitable part of their relationship, so she'd resigned herself to her fate. _

"_It's the new movie that's related to _The Lord of the Rings_." _

"_Oh, the hobbit one?"_

_Recognition dawned in Beca's eyes. Jesse had forced her to watch all of the movies in the series a few weeks ago. In one sitting. It had been the longest day of her life, but she did actually like the movies. _

"_Yes, that's the one." _

_Jesse nodded his head as he used the remote to navigate the DVD menu. With his other hand, he rubbed Beca's thigh. Beca was comfortable, snuggled up to Jesse's side. _

_But then she noticed that with each pass, Jesse's hand rose higher on her thigh. Beca glanced up at him, her eyebrow raised. He avoided eye contact, but couldn't hide the mischievous smile that played on his lips. He knew exactly what he was doing. _

"_If you want me to watch this movie, you're going to have to stop doing that." Beca motioned to her thigh with her eyes. _

"_I have no idea what you're talking about." Jesse's voice was jokingly ignorant. _

_Beca sat back to stare at Jesse's face. She was not amused. She liked his hands on her, but it irritated her when he teased her with no intent to follow through, as was always the case. _

"_You really shouldn't start something you don't aim to finish." Beca's voice came out breathier than she intended._

"_Who said I wasn't planning to finish this?" _

_Jesse's eyes were dark and predatory. Beca felt a small shiver run down her back and Jesse gently pushed her back into the couch, turning his body, so that he sat next to her, facing her. _

_He gently stroked her face, touching every bit of skin his hand could reach. Beca fought the urge to press into him. She licked her lips and glanced at his, wondering when he was going to kiss her. She was hopeful that this would finally be the night. _

_After what seemed like an eternity, Jesse finally closed the space between them and kissed her. Desire, like fire, spread from Beca's lips throughout her entire body. She tangled her hands in his hair and pulled his body closer to her with an insistent hand on his back. She arched her back, forcing her breasts to press against his chest. He groaned in reply and tried to move closer. _

_Because of their awkward position on the couch, they could only get so close, before physics interfered. Frustrated, Beca pushed Jesse around, essentially trading places with him, so that his back was pressed against the couch. She never broke the kiss, as she stood, straddling his legs, her hands pressed into the couch on either side of his shoulders. She wanted to sit on his lap, bring them closer together, but every other time they'd been making out and she made a move that brought their bodies closer together, he instantly pulled away from the kiss or pushed her off of him. _

_Before she could decide, Jesse's hands were pulling on her, asking her to move closer. She complied instantly, straddling his lap more fully, so that their bodies were pressed together, her knees on either side of his thighs. Jesse wrapped his arms around her middle and groaned into her mouth. Beca's mind was reeling. Her mind kept shouting, _tonight, it's happening tonight!_ She let her hands roam Jesse's torso, feeling his hard muscles bunch under her hands. _

_After a moment, her fingertips reached the waistband of his jeans, he shivered as her hands crept under his shirt, touching his skin. She wanted to touch all of him, so she pulled on the hem of his shirt. She was surprised; they'd never gotten this far. He had usually stopped their progression by now. Jesse let Beca pull his shirt over his head and then his hands immediately found the small swatch of skin that peeked out from under her shirt, just over her jeans. His hands were tentative, but finally pushed under her shirt, seeking the warmth of her skin. Beca gasped at his feather light touch. _

_Jesse seemed to want her shirt off, so Beca complied, reaching down to take the hem into her own hands. She'd gotten the shirt halfway up her body, so that the bottom covered her face, when Jesse cleared his throat and stopped her movements. _

"_Don't take your shirt off." His voice was hoarse, and he sounded a bit out of breath._

"_Why, do you want to take it off?" Beca's voice replied with a sexy suggestiveness. _

"_No, really. Stop." Jesse sounded upset. _

_Beca instantly pulled the shirt back down her body and smoothed out her hair, as she sought to kiss him again. Before she reached his lips, Jesse's hands grasped her arms and stopped her movements again. _

"_Stop, Beca." His voice was soft, but insistent. _

"_What's wrong?" Beca was confused._

"_We need to stop." Jesse's eyes were sincerely apologetic. _

"_What? Why?" Beca tried not to let her desperation show._

"_Because we do." _

"_But WHY, Jesse?" _

"_Not tonight, Bec." _

_Jesse was using his hold on her arms to push her off his lap and back onto the couch. He snatched up his shirt and stood, walking out of the room and disappearing down the hallway._

_Beca was irritated and she seriously had whiplash. They had just been undressing each other, and now he was gone, even neglecting the movie they had (not) been watching._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Seriously!?"

Chloe's voice was incredulous as she shouted through the phone. Beca grimaced and held her cell away from her ear.

"Yep, that's how it happened."

Beca felt her disappointment anew and frowned.

"But he initiated! He pretty much _told _you he was going to have his way with you. He let you take his shirt off. And wanted yours off. And then he just stopped!?"

Chloe's incredulity had not ceased and Beca could hear a trace of irritation in her voice. She was glad that Chloe felt the same way that she did.

"Yep. I have no idea what's going on. He always seems so into it, and then just all of the sudden it's over. And he's driving me crazy! He gets me all revved up, and then bails. It's totally not okay!"

Chloe was quiet for a few moments.

"What?"

There was a cautious quality to Beca's voice.

"What are you thinking?"

"Well…"

Chloe sounded cautious too, but dropped off before she could complete her thought.

"What is it, Chloe? Just say it!"

Beca had had enough.

"Well, what if he wants to wait?"

"Wait for what!?"

Beca was dubious. What could possibly make him want to wait? Beca thought that he had already had sex, and she had also had sex, so there shouldn't be a virginity issue.

"Well, maybe he wants to wait for marriage. Or maybe he wants to wait until he knows you are both fully committed to the relationship and ready for that step."

Chloe had meant what she said to be statements, but they came out more like questions.

"That's ridiculous. He knows we are both committed. And I really don't think it's the marriage thing. He's had sex before."

Chloe was quiet for a moment.

"What if he hasn't, Bec? Has he told you outright that he's not a virgin?"

It was Beca's turn to be silent. _No way, it wasn't possible._

"Well, I thought we had talked about that. Maybe I just assumed because he's such a good kisser."

The wheels turned frantically in her head. She had to know the answer to the question that wouldn't leave her brain. She got up from her bed, put on shoes and grabbed her wallet and a jacket. She was going to Jesse's apartment.

"Beca, it's probably better not to assume things, especially with this kind of thing. I think you need to go talk to him. Maybe he doesn't know what he's doing to you."

Chloe's voice was polite and cautious. She was trying not to tell Beca what to do, and Beca appreciated that.

"Yeah, I'm already out the door."

Beca turned around to lock the door of the apartment she and Amy shared.

"Good. You guys need to talk."

Beca jogged down the stairs, pushing open the door to the lobby.

"Yeah, we do. I'll call you later and let you know how it goes."

Beca hung up the phone and called out a quick _hello_ to Mario, the desk attendant. She stepped out into the sunshine. It was cold, so she wrapped her jacket tighter around her body and made her way to the bus stop. Jesse's apartment was only a few blocks away, but she didn't really feel like walking.

The bus arrived promptly and drove her to her destination. She thanked the drive and hopped off the bus. Her feet moved quickly and she was in the building, up the stairs, on Jesse's floor, and at his door before she knew it. Beca took a deep breath and then knocked on the door.

Benji answered.

"Hey Beca, come on in!"

His voice was cheerful.

"Actually, do you mind if Jesse and I could talk for a little while?"

Benji could hear the urgency in Beca's voice, and quickly excused himself, saying he had to run to the library for something or other. Beca was grateful for his cooperation. She walked into the apartment and closed the door.

"Jesse, where are you?"

She called out to her boyfriend, taking off her jacket and setting her wallet, keys and jacket on the kitchen counter.

"In my room, come on in."

He sounded distracted. _Great_. Beca walked to his room, keeping her feet quiet on the wood floors. She rounded the corner and peeked in the door. Jesse sat at his desk, with his back turned.

"Hey you."

Beca forced her voice to sound casual. Jesse turned and smiled at her.

"Hey beautiful. To what do I owe this surprise?"

Beca made a snap decision, and instead of replying, quickly crossed the room and attached her lips to his. She stood over him, making him feel vulnerable. He stood up, not breaking the kiss, and walked them over to the bed. He turned them, so that the back of her legs hit the bed when they had reached it. He gently lowered her and kept his weight off of her, his hands on either side of her face. He broke the kiss, as they both needed air.

"Not that I don't love this, because I do, but what's the occasion?"

Jesse was confused. Excited that his girlfriend was all over him, but confused.

"I just need you."

Beca made sure that her voice sounded extra breathy and needy. The effect was successful and Jesse immediately locked their lips back together.

Beca scooted up the bed, dragging Jesse with her. He allowed his weight to rest on her as he tangled their legs together. Beca was beyond herself; Jesse's entire body was pressed into hers. They were on his bed. She thought that if it didn't happen then, that it would never happen.

No sooner had the thought finished forming, than Jesse broke his lips away from hers and pushed himself up, so that they were only half-way pressed together.

"We need to stop."

Jesse's voice sounded tired.

"Why, Jesse? Why do you always stop us? We always get _this_ close –"

Beca waved her hand between the two of them.

"And then you pull away. I don't understand. Don't you want me?"

Beca was stunned at her own insecurity. She didn't realize that's what she'd been feeling underneath all of the frustration.

"Of course I want you, Beca. I want you so badly it hurts."

"Then, what's stopping you. I'm right here. And I want you."

Jesse moved off Beca, sitting up. Seeing everything was over, Beca followed suit.

"We've never actually talked about this. I don't know how you feel or what you think about this, and I know where my boundary is. If I allow it to go further than this, I can't turn back. I don't want to just assume you want it too, and then take something away from you that you can never get back."

Beca was overwhelmed at the thoughtfulness and compassion of the man she called hers.

"I'm not a virgin, Beca. And I don't want to take your virginity until you're ready, until you trust me enough to give it to me. If you decide, that is…"

Jesse looked away from Beca, scratching nervously at his arm.

"Oh, wow. Jesse, I'm not a virgin either. And I've been trying to show you just how much I want to have sex with you. But you push me away every time!"

Jesse's face showed true shock.

"What? You've been trying to…?"

He was lost for words.

"Yes! Like last night…that was me trying."

Beca smiled and rolled her eyes when Jesse's face turned comically into one of complete surprise.

"Really? When else?"

Beca laughed, and shifted, getting ready to list all of the times she'd tried to get Jesse to just let go and let it happen.

**FLASHBACK**

_Beca was mixing the dough of a cake she was baking from scratch. Jesse was at the table, reading a magazine. He was bored and got up, walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. He began kissing her neck and nibbling on her ear. Beca tilted her head, giving him better access. _

_Soon, she'd forgotten what she was doing and turned in his arms. She kissed him feverishly, running her hands through his hair. He picked her up and set her on the counter. She giggled into his mouth and he replied by kissing her more deeply. Beca felt herself melt at his touch and was losing herself to his touch, when he suddenly stiffened. He broke the kiss and backed up, giving Beca a quick sorry before excusing himself to do the dishes. She sat there, utterly confused._

_They had both come from the riff-off with the new a cappella groups. They'd decided to walk home and got caught in the rain. They ran through the rain and into Beca's apartment building. Amy was going to be with the new Bellas, showing them what a real party looked like, so Beca and Jesse had the apartment to themselves. They took the elevator up to Beca's third floor apartment, and had started kissing on the way. By the time they reached the third floor, they were engaged in a heated make-out session. _

_They stumbled down the hallway as Beca fumbled for her keys. They were laughing and kissing as Beca succeeded with the lock and pushed the door open. No sooner was the door closed, than their jackets and shoes were removed. Beca was working on Jesse's shirt when he stopped her. He made an excuse that he had a paper he forgot about. He grabbed his shoes and jacket and literally ran from the building. Again, Beca was left confused and a little bit offended._

_Beca had been over at Jesse's apartment, watching a movie and had fallen asleep halfway through. Benji had been home, so they watched on the TV in Jesse's room, which meant that Beca fell asleep on Jesse's bed. Jesse sweetly woke her at the end of the movie with a gentle kiss. _

_Things heated up quickly. Beca had stripped her shirt and had gotten Jesse's part of the way up his chest when he pushed her away. He told her that he was tired and that they needed sleep. Beca groaned and flopped back onto the bed, as Jesse left to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth. _

_That night they had slept curled up into each other, and Beca couldn't help but laugh at the irony of sleeping together, without _sleeping together_._

_Beca and Jesse were at a party at the Treble house. They had consumed a good amount of alcohol and were dancing to the loud music that pounded through the speakers. Beca had been booty dancing with Stacie when Jesse turned her around and started grinding her ass. Beca had played along, moving with Jesse's hips. Jesse gripped Beca's hips and peppered kisses to the back of her head and temple. When that song ended, Jesse grabbed Beca by the arm and towed her to the bathroom. _

_He locked the door and pressed her up against it, kissing her so thoroughly that her head spun and her knees went weak. She returned his fervor and hiked her leg up to his hips, so that his seeking body met hers that much closer. _

_They continued on for a few minutes before Jesse stopped kissing her and stepped away, turning his body away from her completely. Beca groaned and shook her head. Even with his alcohol soaked brain, he pulled away. _

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Those are just the ones recently that I can remember off the top of my head."

Beca laughed at Jesse's expression. He looked like a kid who had just found out that the tooth fairy is not real.

"How was I supposed to know that's what you wanted?"

Beca laughed louder, doubling over.

"Seriously, Bec. How was I supposed to know?"

Beca sobered quickly and shot him a raised eyebrow.

"Really, Jesse? It's pretty damn obvious."

She smiled at him deviously. When he still didn't seem like he understood, Beca huffed out a breath.

"Okay, just now, I practically jumped your bones. Clue one."

Jesse only nodded.

"Reciprocating your efforts. Not pulling away when you pull me close and kiss me like your life depends on it. Taking your shirt off, taking _my_ shirt off. Hooking my leg around your hip…"

Beca trailed off, seeing recognition dawn on Jesse's face. She laughed lightly and reached up to rub the spot between Jesse's eyebrows that had pinched together in concentration.

"Shit, I'm clueless!"

Jesse laughed along with Beca before becoming serious. He looked at Beca seriously, and reached out a hand to caress her face. Beca shivered under Jesse's eyes.

"Do you still want to?"

Beca smiled. Even Jesse wanted to avoid terminology. They really were perfect for each other.

"Yes."

The word had barely left her mouth, before Jesse was on top of her. His mouth worked over hers like it was the first time. His hands tangled through Beca's hair and stroked her face and neck. His body was pressed fully into hers, making her feel out of breath. Jesse's lips moved to the sensitive flesh of Beca's throat and she gasped when his tongue laved her pulse point. She grinned after a moment and reached her hands down his body to the hem of his shirt. This time, Jesse let her remove it, and then returned the favor by taking hers off.

Jesse sat up, pulling Beca with him. He pulled her off the bed, bringing them both to stand. She looked perplexed for a second, before his lips kissed away her confusion. His hands found the button of her jeans and expertly flicked it and the fly open. He pulled away, looking deeply into Beca's eyes, asking permission. She nodded slightly and took his mouth with hers again. Before Jesse had gotten her jeans down her legs, Beca was already working on the belt and fly of his jeans.

They fought for control and ended up in a laughing heap on the bed. After much effort, they were both shucked of their jeans. Jesse placed feather light kisses to the skin of Beca's stomach and she laughed heartily.

"Finally!" Beca breathed.

Jesse smiled at her and then wrapped her up in his arms, kissing her sweetly and deeply.

* * *

Thoughts? Any interest in something similar from Jesse's POV?

Review, please, my lovelies!

XOXO

Ash


	10. Jesse Tries and Fails (Part 2)

**A/N:** Wow, the 10th chapter! Wahoo! So, what to say...hmm...Well, first off, this one is significantly shorter than it's counterpart. And it's _very_ different than I had originally planned. I had wanted this to be a very **male** chapter...you know with lust and hormones. And then it turned into _this_. Which is beautiful and moving in its own right...just not what I originally intended. Hmm...funny how that happens, huh?

So, I hope this is what everyone wanted, when they agreed to a Jesse chapter. Also, this chapter talks about sex (duh) so blah, blah, obligatory warning. Also, I do not own PP or the wonderful characters. I do own the naughtiness I submerge the characters in, as well as any and all mistakes.

Enjoy, lovelies!

* * *

Jesse sat back against his couch, exasperated. He and Beca had been talking (and um, _more than talking_) when she freaked out, told him she had to go, and left his apartment. He sat there, dumbstruck. They had been dating for almost a year and he felt like things were getting pretty serious. They had known each other for nearly two years, so he didn't feel like they were rushing.

Beca's behavior was new. She had always been exciting about their (ahem!) _extracurricular activities. _He laughed at himself. Their "extracurriculars" were more like heavy make out sessions. Jesse prided himself on being a gentleman, and never allowed it to get too far. Beca always seemed content with what they shared, and had never expressed a desire to take it to the next level, nor had she ever complained about where they now stood.

Jesse sighed. They'd had many conversations about sex. Beca had expressed a severe disinterest in their first time being some grand production. She said that she wanted it to happen naturally, when the time felt right, but when they were in the heat of the moment. Beca had been vague about her previous sexual experience, but Jesse had always just assumed she was not a virgin. He wasn't, and he had always assumed that she knew that too.

Jesse stood up from his place on the couch and walked across the room to retrieve his cell phone. He quickly dialed Beca's number and waited for her to pick up. The call went to voicemail. He set the phone down and drank a glass of water. Then he dialed her number again. Straight to voicemail. Jesse let out a loud, impatient breath. He wanted to talk to Beca, but she was not answering. That surely meant that she was somewhere, holed up, avoiding him.

She had gotten so much better about her walls. She had taken them down, one at a time, with Jesse's help. She trusted him completely. And although she had never said the words, Jesse knew that she loved him. As he thought about it, he realized he had never said the words either. But he was sure she knew. _Right?_

Jesse hastily put on his shoes and grabbed his keys. After locking his apartment, he jogged the few blocks to Beca's apartment. Instead of taking the elevator to her fourth floor apartment, he took the stairs, two at a time. When he reached Beca's door, he was out of breath and glistening with sweat. He took a moment to calm his racing heart before he rapped gently on her door. He heard rustling behind the door and knew she was looking at him through the peephole.

"Hi." His voice sounded lame.

"Hi, back." Was her muffled reply from behind the door. She made no move to let him in.

"Can I please come in?"

"That depends." She sounded hesitant. "Are you made at me?"

Jesse's head reared back in surprise.

"No, Bec. Not at all. I just want to know what's going on."

He heard Beca's feet shuffle, and then the telltale click of the deadbolt. The door swung open, and she was revealed. She looked so small and confused that he just wanted to reach out and hug her. But he knew she needed some space. Whatever it was that she was dealing with…she needed a clear head. And him hugging her would not help.

Beca gestured for Jesse to come in. He obliged and then made his way to her couch. The apartment was disorderly, which surprised Jesse. It was usually very neat. Amy and Stacie were not exactly clean people, but Beca was. She never allowed their shared space to stay messy for very long. Beca noticed Jesse's eyes evaluating the mess and cleared her throat.

"Apparently Amy and Stacie had some people over last night and didn't bother to clean up." An irritated smile crossed Beca's face, before her lips turned down in a frown.

"I'm sorry about running out. I just –I…" Beca didn't know how to continue. And as best as Jesse could guess, she was embarrassed.

Beca and Jesse had spent the night together before. Quite a few times actually. So Jesse was confused about Beca's sudden flightiness.

"I thought things were going so well. And like you always said you wanted them to go." Jesse's voice was cautious. He didn't want to upset Beca or say something that caused her to run again. Beca remained quiet.

"Beca, did I upset you? Did I let things go too far?" Jesse searched his head for anything that could have been interpreted as _going too far_, from their time together the last 24 hours, but came up empty handed.

"No, Jesse, you're perfect. It's me that's screwed up. I'm the one that's messing everything up." Beca averted her eyes, not wanting to make eye contact with Jesse.

"No, Bec, you aren't messing anything up, and _you're _certainly not screwed up!" Jesse reached out and lifted Beca's chin, so that her eyes were forced to look into his.

"Just talk to me."

Beca reached up and grabbed Jesse's hand, pulling it away from her face. She squeezed his hand in hers and rested their joined hands on her folded legs. She looked away from Jesse, just passed his left shoulder. Jesse watched as Beca's eyes lost focus and she seemed to leave him. It was as if she had gone to some far off place. Jesse remained quiet and let Beca work out whatever it was that was causing her to think so hard. A few moments later, she snapped out of her trance and locked her eyes on Jesse's.

"We haven't said it yet."

Jesse blinked rapidly, having no clue about what she was saying.

"I don't want to do that with you, until we've said it."

Jesse still had no idea. Beca searched his eyes, begging him to understand. Begging him to get it so that she did not have to say what she was thinking.

"The only time I've ever had sex with someone, I thought it didn't matter. But sex is breathed from _that_, so much so, that without it, sex means nothing. Except that sex _doesn't_ mean nothing."

Jesse's head swam, but Beca continued on, not allowing him to make sense of her rambling.

"You do it because you think it's right. It is what the other person wants. And you hope that by doing it, _that_ becomes real and true. But it doesn't. _That_ doesn't. And then you're left without your virginity and an aching hole in your heart."

Jesse's brain finally caught up to what Beca was trying to imply, without her having to say the three words that terrified her most. It was in that moment that Jesse realized he had never said them to her. And judging by the fear, he could discern in her eyes, she wasn't entirely convinced he even felt those three words for her.

"So that's why I ran. Because we have said it yet." Beca looked down, not daring to make eye contact with Jesse.

"Beca," Jesse's voice came out in a whisper, which surprised Beca enough for her to lift her head and eyes.

"I love you."

Beca's eyes widened. Jesse searched her eyes, her face, her body for signs of fear. When he found none, he held his breath. He waited.

"Jesse, I love you too."

The words came out of her mouth more easily that he thought they would, which made him think that she had been ready to say them for a long time. He stared into her eyes, a goofy grin plastered to her face. Her cheeks were slightly pink and her eyes sparkled like he had never seen them sparkle before. Beca scooted closer to Jesse, and leaned her body across his, so that her face was mere inches from his. She looked him dead in the eye, and let out a little giggle.

"Jesse, I love you." Her words whispered across his lips, and before he could respond, her lips met his in the sweetest, most consuming kiss he had ever experienced.

They moved slowly, much like Jesse had noticed actors do in movies. It wasn't the frenzied, _take-my-clothes-off-now_ that it was portrayed in some films and TV shows. It was slow, like when the two characters are grieving, and their pain brings them together. It was much like when the movies portray someone's magical first time, on their honeymoon, when the slow, sweet song plays in the background.

Their movements were not hurried. Their hands moved over each other's skin, like it was the first time they had ever touched. Their lips seemed to melt into each other. Clothing was removed carefully, as if the two people were made of glass. Breath came out, soft and sweet. There were no loud sounds, no shouting, groaning or moaning. Just quiet gasps, puffs of air –held captive in lungs, and reverent whispers of the other's name. Their skin touched in the most delicate and intimate way. Their hands twined together, and then smoothed the skin of the other's back, neck, stomach. They gazed into each other's eyes, seeing to the depths of the other's soul. And when it was over, they lay in the silent embrace of the love they had just proved.

Beca slowly drifted off to sleep, using Jesse's chest for a pillow, as he drew endless swirls on her back with his fingers. Jesse soon followed, succumbed by Beca's warmth and the softness of her breath across his chest.

Jesse woke first, a few hours later. Beca was wrapped around him, and the expression on her face made him fall in love with her a little more. Jesse was convinced that he would never stop falling in love with her. He knew there was no limit; that he would fall in love with her in little ways, every moment of every day.

Her face was creaseless. There was no sarcasm, or sassiness. Just the sweet peace that came with sleep. Jesse had seen Beca's sleeping face before; they had spent many nights in the same bed. But there was something different on her face. It took Jesse a moment to realize that what he was seeing was pure happiness. She was at peace because she was sleeping, but she was filled with the purest form of happiness because she loved Jesse and knew that he loved her.

Jesse watched Beca sleep for another few minutes before she began to stir. Jesse quipped to himself that it was as if she could feel his eyes on her. He did not look away from her as she moved, realized where she was, and then opened her eyes with a sleepy smile playing on her lips.

Her eyes found his immediately and her smile widened. Her eyes danced, and her arms curled around him a little more tightly. Jesse felt Beca stretch her legs out and watched as her joyous eyes closed shut and squeezed together in an expression that made her look adorably like a cat.

"Hi." she whispered as her eyes opened again.

"Hi, back." Jesse wrapped his arms around Beca, drawing her up to his face.

She smiled and kissed him softly. She pulled away and looked into his eyes.

"I love you."

Jesse smiled, loving the way the words caressed his ears. He would never get sick of hearing her say those three little words that, by themselves, meant nothing. But when strung together, formed the sweetest thing he had ever heard her say.

"I love you, too."

Beca smiled broadly and then let her head drop back onto Jesse's chest, her soft hair cascading over his bare skin. Jesse smiled and squeezed Beca impossibly closer. He would die a happy man if he got to spend every day like this, wrapped up in her.

Beca giggled and Jesse crooked his head up, staring down at the top of her head.

"What?"

"To think that you came over to get an explanation and wound up getting…" She lifted her head and looked at Jesse with smiling, but serious eyes.

"And wound up getting a promise."

* * *

So?

Also, after I wrote this, I realized that it's kind of song-inspired. I have been avoiding the whole "song fic" thing because the last two-shot was so song heavy, but I think the reason why this one ended up being so sweet is because I've had Snow Patrol's _Chasing Cars_ in my head all week. So, not strictly song-based, but song-inspired for sure!

Just a head's up, I will be taking a break from posting chapters for a few days. I have a lot going on this weekend with Easter and birthdays and lots of stuff. So I will be checking for reviews (and replying, as I always do) but won't be posting new chapters until next week. Let me know if you have any songs, or ideas you want me to write about.

XOXO

Ash


	11. Stolen Moments

**A/N:** So I was watching PP today, and had the idea of _What if they were together the entire time? And had put on an act for the entire movie? _Obviously, not super likely, what with the actual plot of the movie, but hey, this is my universe, so why not!? Also, I put myself under a time limit to finish this. I gave myself an hour. That was two hours ago. So instead, I'll say that I restricted myself to 2,000 words or less. The actual story is 1,929 words, so I passed! Please enjoy and remember to review at the end!

PP and characters are not mine. Mistakes and shenanigans are!

* * *

"_But, Beca –" She interrupted him._

"_What about –" She interrupted him again._

"_The oath?" Another interruption._

_Jesse raised an eyebrow and tried to look stern. But it wasn't like he actually minded. Her mode of interruption left him breathless. _

"_Seriously, how much trouble is this going to get you in?"_

_Beca removed her lips from where they had just been blazing a path of fire on Jesse's neck. She leaned back and looked up at him, through a veil of impossibly long and dark eyelashes._

"_How do you even know about that?" There is only humor in her eyes, even though her sassy eyebrow is quirked._

"_Hello, I live with the human a cappella dictionary!" Jesse motioned over to Benji's side of the room. _

_Beca smiled and leaned back into Jesse, replacing her lips where they both wanted them most._

"_Beca," Jesse's voice came out much needier than he had intended._

"_I don't want you to get kicked off the Bellas for this." _

_Even as he spoke the words, he shifted his body, so that he was laying with Beca partially on top of him. He grasped her hips and pulled her closer to him. Because she was so diligently working on his neck, he used his free hands to caress her arms, back, waist, and face. _

_Beca and Jesse had become friends after their strange conversation at the radio station the first day of class. She had been oddly amused by his honesty and playfulness, and even fancied herself "struck" by him. He of course, was instantly taken with her and made it his life mission to make her smile as much as he possibly could. _

_Though she put on a front that she was a badass and _way too cool for school_, she had been the one to initiate the relationship. If she had been asked directly (and if she was being honest), she would admit to having fallen for his nerdiness from their very first day at Barden, when Jesse serenaded her from the backseat of his parents' car. As much as she outwardly opposed the idea, Jesse was exactly her type. _

_The night of the a cappella auditions, Beca sought Jesse out. She had been overwhelmed by Jesse's audition, and hers had amazed him. She followed him back to his dorm and knocked on the door. He had been surprised to see her, but invited her in. She told him that she had fallen in love with his voice, to which he muttered his sheepish thanks. Then, instead of carrying the conversation forward, she had leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to his lips. When she pulled back, Jesse's eyes were wide. _

"_Beca?" _

_Instead of answering, she turned him around, pushed him against his door, and kissed him senseless. When she pulled away to gauge his reaction, she had blushed and looked nervous. He stood motionless for several seconds, before he blinked rapidly. He had opened his mouth to say something and stopped. He looked as if the wind had been knocked straight out of him. At first, Beca had wanted to run, go hide somewhere far away and never come out, but then Jesse smiled. His smile grew so large that Beca had been afraid it was going to take a life of its own and devour his beautiful face._

"_Wow, I um –I don't know what to say." Jesse's smile grew._

"_I like you, Jesse. And I'm done playing." _

_Beca had left no room for Jesse to reply. She leaned in and kissed him again, this time pushing him to sit on his bed. _

"_But, Beca –"_

"_What about –" _

"_The oath?"_

_**End of Flashback**_

They had been dating the entire semester. They hung out together as friends only, because they had talked about the oath and about both of their reputations. So, they hung out publicly as _friends_, on Jesse's end, or _people to be tolerated_, on Beca's end. They went on dates surreptitiously, and spent a lot of time at each other's dorms, under the guise of Beca's "movication."

The day Aubrey had accused Beca of having a toner for Jesse, had been their official first date. Since they knew they were possibly going to have aca-initiation that night, Jesse had asked Beca to skip her classes, to which she was not at all opposed. Jesse had called a cab, gotten in and had the cabby drive by Beca's dorm. Beca had walked out of her dorm, under the pretense of hailing a passing cab, and caught the very cab Jesse was occupying. They spent the day in downtown Atlanta; eating lunch, window-shopping, and getting ice cream, before heading back to campus and repeating the cab ruse. Later, they put on their act, and were publicly, nothing more than acquaintances.

The night of the riff-off, Jesse and Beca had gone to an off-campus party together. They had both gotten pretty smashed and ended up crashing in Beca's dorm. Because Kimmy Jin didn't give two shits about Beca, they felt comfortable cuddling up in her twin-sized bed and sleeping off their hangovers. Beca knew Kimmy Jin would not rat her out to the Bellas, because the girl spent all of her energy ignoring Beca, and Beca figured she probably had not even noticed Jesse's presence.

The night Beca let Jesse listen to her music, and he later forced her to watch the ending of _The Breakfast Club_, had been the night of their first kiss, since the initial make-out session that started their relationship. They had both realized that they needed to get to know each other better, so neither had tried to make a move, until that night. Jesse had leaned in, attempting to kiss Beca, but she had leaned away, spouting off some sarcastic comment. Just then, Kimmy Jin and two of her friends had burst through the door, and both Beca and Jesse had been thankful for her skittishness. After Jesse had taken his awkward leave, Beca went to his dorm and kissed him slowly and sweetly.

The day Jesse plopped down next to Beca in the grass, throwing a juice pouch at her, and setting up his mock- picnic, they had decided to become "official." Beca had been hesitant, but eventually agreed to the boyfriend/girlfriend labels. Jesse had smiled broadly when Beca later said that he must sweep his girlfriend off her feet. He laughed and said that he didn't have a girlfriend, but if anyone had been looking closely enough (which Beca was); they would have seen that his eyes told his lie.

The night of the regionals, when Beca had punched the Tonehanger for Jesse, and she later ended up in jail, had been their first fight; both for their fantasy and in reality. They had yelled for show, but when Beca's dad showed up, she had truly felt betrayed. And when she said that she didn't need Jesse's help, because he wasn't her boyfriend, he felt as though she had truly broken up with him. They had quickly made up, but had kept on the show. It almost felt like a joke to them, after being together for so long. But Beca pointed out that they never knew who might be watching. Anyone could speak a word in passing that might make it back to Aubrey. Beca's relationship with her had only gotten more inhospitable, so she knew Aubrey would have no trouble kicking her out if she found out the truth.

The night of the semi-finals, when Beca improved a change to the set, Jesse had never been more proud. So later, when he heard Aubrey denouncing Beca, he had quickly stepped in to aid her. She had given him a look that only he could understand, before she yelled at him and told him to back off. The look had told him that she did not mean a word of what she said, and that he should find her after he was done performing. She had stormed off, and secretly made her way back to the auditorium, to watch Jesse perform. She sent him a text the minute he walked off stage, telling him to meet her in an empty bathroom. When he got there, she kissed him soundly and apologized for yelling at him. He told her he understood that she needed to keep up the game.

It was in that moment that they both wanted to stop the charade. They wanted to be free to be themselves, and date. They didn't want backlash from either of their groups, but also knew that for the sake of their relationship, they could not continue on with the farce. Beca decided she wasn't going to fight for the Bellas anymore. She was going to fight for Jesse. They agreed to one more fake fight, which would take them through spring break. They had to commit, and then once spring break was over, they could be together for real.

Sometime during spring break, wires were crossed, and what had started as a fictional fight, turned into a real one. When Jesse came back from visiting his family, he did not speak to Beca. She wanted to figure out what had gone wrong, but Jesse had been unwilling. Beca was miserable, and knew that she needed to do something drastic to get him back.

So she went to her dad. He would know what to say. After that, she sought out Aubrey. Aubrey had been reluctant at first, but with the prodding of the other Bellas, Beca was allowed to return to the group. Beca was also allowed to start the process of making over the Bellas. When they returned to the ICCA's, Beca wanted them to be unrecognizable, in a good way. She also decided to use their performance as an apology to Jesse. She had watched the entirety of _The Breakfast Club_ over spring break, and knew exactly what she needed to do.

On the day of the ICCA's, Jesse wanted so badly to hug Beca and wish her good luck. He saw how nervous she was, and knew something was up because of their new attire and the gleam in Beca's eye. Instead of thinking about it though, he put all of his energy into his performance. The Trebles had smashed it, as Fat Amy would say, and Jesse could not have been prouder. When Beca and the Bellas walked onto the stage, there was a collective intake of breath. They looked amazing and when they started singing, people could not believe their ears.

Jesse, especially, had been impressed. He didn't want to seem too interested though, because he wasn't sure where he and Beca stood. He didn't even remember what had caused their real fight to begin with. He wasn't even sure they were still dating. But when he heard Beca start the opening lines of the iconic _Simple Minds_ song, all of his doubts instantly disappeared. He threw up his fist, to show Beca that he still cared and still wanted to fight for them.

When the Bellas finished, he clapped harder than anyone in the auditorium. She was the first off the stage and went directly to him. She called him the endearing nickname that she had bestowed to him their first day together, in the radio station, and planted the most breathtaking kiss to his lips –in front of everyone, no less!

That was the night that Jesse finally told Beca that he loved her. And to his great surprise, she returned the sentiment instantly and whole-heartedly.

* * *

I'm sorry if this was riddled with more mistakes than usual. I read over it quickly, but I honestly just wanted to get it posted. I realized that the longer I wait to post between chapters, the less likely that I will be good and actually write and post. So, here it is!

Reviews=food for my soul!

XOXO

Ash


	12. Georgia County Fair

**A/N:** So, I don't know if people just aren't checking the PP boards as much, or if my writing sucks lately, or what...but reviews and alerts for this fic have dropped dramatically in the last few chapters. Am I doing something wrong? Please let me know if I need to improve something! All that aside, here's a new one-shot. There is a short blip in here that touches on something that my lovely reader **grace083** requested. This fic does jump in POV, back and forth between Beca and Jesse. This is my continued experiment on delving into Beca and what I can get away with when writing her.

Without further ado...

* * *

APRIL

**Jesse's POV**

Beca and I have been friends since August. I've been falling for her since August. She has been rebuffing all of my efforts since August. She has been giving me nothing but sarcasm and cynicism since August. I have been trying every day since August. I have been mostly failing since August.

But.

Beca has been improving, if you'd like to look at it that way, since August. She is more open, laughs more readily at my jokes, and even lets me touch her sometimes. It's nothing too earth-shattering; just a hand to her back, fingers swiping a strand of hair out of her face, a hand squeeze after a hard day, and even, rarely, a quick side hug.

We are fighting right now, and it's totally the worst thing I've ever endured. I miss her. I miss her smile, her tiny body at my side, her smell that is uniquely her, and even her snarky quirked eyebrows. I miss her sarcasm, her "badass" act. I miss her entirely.

Spring break is about to end, and I'm miserable. I don't know what to do or say to make things better. Beca came over before the break, and tried to apologize, but my stupid, macho pride turned her away. Instead of being receptive when she offered her vulnerability, I shooed her away and told her that I was done.

I didn't mean it.

**Beca's POV**

I'm alone, as always. I've actually been attending classes, which should make my dad proud. I'm only going as an escape from my solitary confinement, but since it's spring break, I'm alone with my thoughts. Kimmy Jin is out of town, and once the break is over, she will rarely be at the dorm. Since she's involved in so many activites, she is out more than ever, with her crazy friends, and my music only reminds me of Jesse.

We're fighting, and I don't really know why. I tried to apologize, and be open to Jesse. He rejected me, and now I feel more broken than ever. I know I push people away, but I was trying so hard to move toward him, not away. He misunderstood.

I miss him. I'm even willing to say it aloud. I miss his confidence, and the way that he's _almost_ obnoxiously cocky. If he wasn't such an amazing guy, he'd totally be an arrogant douche bag. I miss the way he is constantly pushing me toward something more. I want more with him, and I know he knows. He doesn't know why I'm so guarded, but he is careful with me. He doesn't look at me like I'm some cliché "alt" girl. He looks at me like I'm the best person he's ever known, and I miss that most of all.

**Jesse's POV**

With it being Friday morning of spring break, I only had two and a half days to make things right, before Beca and I returned to our avoidance routine. I searched my brain for ideas, for ways to make it up to her. I was sitting at the kitchen table in my parents' house, when my little brother threw a newspaper at me. I was annoyed at first, but when I opened it, my eyes immediately found the ad for the county fair. I know it's cheesy, but it seemed perfect to me. Fairs are fun, light-hearted, and have food, games, rides and baby animals. It would be the perfect setting to get her to let her guard up for long enough that I could beg forgiveness and worm my way back into her heart.

It was decided. I called out to my dad as I ran up to my bedroom to pack up my things. He came in, in the middle of my whirlwind, receiving a blow to the face with one of the t-shirts I threw across the room, aiming at my bag.

"Whoa, what's going on?"

"I figured it out! She will _have_ to let me back in!"

"Jesse, what are you talking about? Do you mean Beca?"

"Yes, Dad, who else?"

"What's going to work?"

I explained my plan to him, and raced out of my room the moment all of my belongings were safely back inside my duffle. I kissed my mom and ruffled my brother's hair. My dad agreed to drive me back to campus. When his car pulled onto the drive in front of my dorm, I shook his hand and jumped out of the car, grabbing my bag. I waved as I took off in a jog across the grass.

I knew Beca had stayed on campus for spring break. I knew there were only two places she could be: her room, or the radio station. After dropping my bag in my room, I jogged to her room, hoping that her shift hadn't started yet. I took the stairs to her floor two at a time and jogged down the hall to her door. I took a deep breath and knocked softly, hoping to find her.

I heard a shuffle behind the door, and then I was standing face to face with _my_ girl. She was dressed down, in a pair of tight yoga pants (_What!? She owns yoga pants?_) and a loose t-shirt. Her hair was pulled up into a messy braid, and there was not a stitch of makeup on her face. Her eyes widened and she cleared her throat. She opened her mouth to say something, decided better, and closed it again.

"Beca, hi."

She nodded, then stepped aside, holding the door open; an invitation for me to enter. I walked into her room cautiously. I didn't know what I expected, but I was surprised by the silence that met my ears after she closed the door. No music played in the room, Beca didn't speak a word. I looked deep into her eyes, studying her for a moment.

"Come to the county fair with me."

The words rushed out of my mouth without permission. She cocked that famous eyebrow up, her hands automatically crossing in front of her body and her hip jutting out to the side. She was mad. She remained silent, her face contemplating.

"Please say yes. I have a lot to say to you, and I don't know if I'm brave enough to say it right now."

I shifted my feet and broke eye contact, looking down at the floor. I counted the tiles under my feet, and felt the moments slip by.

"Fine."

Her voice was even, emotionless. She didn't really want to go anywhere with me, but she agreed nonetheless. I counted it as a victory.

"You have to leave so I can get ready."

I looked up at her, fear clouding my vision.

"I'm not going to flake on you. I just need to put on real clothes and fix my hair and makeup."

Her foot tapped the floor impatiently. I smiled at her, before I felt a surge of triumph course through my body. I let it make me brave and leaned forward to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you! I'll be back in an hour."

I took my leave, not giving her an option to demand more time or change her mind.

**Beca's POV**

The knock at the door interrupted my attempt to read for one of my classes. I put the textbook down and got up to see who caused the disturbance. I was truly shocked when I opened the door to find Jesse standing on the other side. His eyes looked hopeful, so I stepped to the side to let him in.

He greeted me, but then was quiet, and I had no idea what to say. I definitely didn' t think he'd come to me first. I thought I was going to have to figure out how to make our friendship right again. Jesse's eyes seemed to study me. I thought I could actually hear the wheels turning in his head.

"Come to the county fair with me." He finally blurted.

I felt weird, having him in my room. I know my eyebrow raised, and I habitually pulled my arms across my body. I was trying to protect myself. I had no idea what he was trying to do. I wanted to trust him, to just rush into his arms and feel him around me after so long of not seeing him or talking to him. But at the same time, I was terrified to let him back in. It hurt, having him shut me out. I have a ridiculous aversion to pain, so I was in an epic battle with myself.

"Please say yes. I have a lot to say to you, and I don't know if I'm brave enough to say it right now."

Part of me was amused because it seemed like Jesse Swanson, all 6 _footsomething _of him, was afraid of little ol' me. But I was also curious as to what he wanted to say to me. I made my decision when he looked away from me, down at the floor. I had never seen Jesse act so contrite.

"Fine."

My voice startled me. I hadn't meant for it to sound so cold. His eyes continued to avoid mine.

"You have to leave so I can get ready."

His face popped up and he looked nervous. I knew he thought I was trying to get rid of him. He thought I was going to make him leave and then lock myself in my room for the rest of spring break to avoid him. I promised him that I just needed to make myself decent. When he continued to stare at me, unmoving, I tapped my foot on the floor.

His face changed from hesitant to radiant. He smiled the smile that I know is only for me; the one that lights up his entire face, makes his eyes sparkle, and makes my insides turn to goo. Before I knew what was happening, he was in my face, kissing my cheek. Then, he was gone, muttering a time limit as he dashed out my door.

I was glued to the spot, not able to move my legs for fear of melting into a puddle on the floor. Jesse's lips had just been on my skin, and I _loved_ it. After a few more seconds of gawking, I was finally able to breathe and move again.

I quickly changed into a pair of jeans, and a shirt that showed off my cleavage without being too revealing. I let my hair down from the braid that trapped it and shook it out. I sprayed on some perfume and applied some makeup. I didn't want my appearance to tell Jesse I wasn't open to him, so the shirt I chose was light green, instead of my usual dark colors, and my makeup was much lighter than usual. As I pulled my boots on and reached for a jacket, I heard Jesse's knock on the door.

I opened the door and felt the air gust out of my lungs. Jesse had changed into a pair of dark jeans that hugged his hips, and a shirt that clung to the muscles he usually hid under looser clothing. He'd fixed his hair and his face sported a dangerously sexy smile. I don't know how it happened, but I was suddenly aware of the feelings I felt toward him, and they were everything but friendship.

**Jesse's POV**

She opened the door and I heard the air leave her lungs. I wanted to laugh, but I felt my body reply in kind. I'd always thought Beca was beautiful, but as she stood in front of me, I felt myself falling for her harder than ever before. She wore a pair of dark skinny jeans that accentuated her curves. The shirt she wore revealed a tasteful amount of cleavage and her hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders. Her eyes sparkled and I tried to remember a time that she had ever looked so open and excited to see me. All of this was enough to shut off my brain, but then she stepped forward and my nose caught her scent.

I could never quite figure it out. I knew that part of her fragrance was composed of the hair products she used. On the few occasions I had gotten close enough to her, I had caught a whiff of her hair. It smelled amazing. The main part of what made her smell so irresistible was what I assumed was her perfume, but it could also be her deodorant. She always smelled clean and there was a light, fruity, almost floral scent that wrapped me up. But there was also a musky (vanilla?) component to her smell. Then, under all of that, was a sweet warmth that I knew was the distinctive smell of her skin. I guess I could ask her what perfume she wore, but I love the mystery of trying to figure out what makes her smell so amazing all the time.

"Are we going to just stand here?" The was a lilting quality to her voice, and I snapped out of my dissection of her scent to see laughter in her eyes.

"No, let's go!"

I held my arm out to her and she took my bend elbow and wrapped her tiny arm around it. She leaned into me as we walked to the bus stop. The fairgrounds were only a few miles away, but too far to walk in the warm Georgian air.

There was a nervous excitement in the way that Beca acted. Her voice was light and there was a quality to her body that I would have mistaken for agitation, had a giant smile not been plastered to her face. She was genuinely excited to go to the fair.

**Beca's POV**

I was so excited to go to the fair. I had only been a few times as a kid, before my parents divorced, but those few times made up some of the best memories of my childhood. When the bus pulled up the fairgrounds, I thought I was going to lose my mind. There was chaos and excitement in the blurry mess of people. I could hear children laughing and screaming and the sound of carnival music and rides. I could smell all the delicious food, and the bright lights sent a thrill through my skin.

We exited the bus, and I thought I was going to lose it entirely when I felt Jesse intertwine our fingers. I looked down, and then immediately at his face. He smiled broadly at me and sent me a look that dared me to resist. His hand fit my perfectly and I couldn't bring myself to chastise him for giving me exactly what I wanted and needed.

I looked around, taking in the wonder around me. I felt 9 years-old again. Jesse moved us forward, past the ticket booth and into the actual grounds. I could feel his eyes on me as I gazed at everything, but I didn't care.

"What do you want to do first? Are you hungry?"

I heard Jesse ask me the questions, but couldn't force my brain to form a response.

**Jesse's POV**

My skin buzzed in anticipation. County fairs always brought out the best in people and I couldn't wait to see Beca unwind. I was beyond myself when she let me hold her hand, and even smiled at me after her initial shock wore off.

I watched Beca as she took in her surroundings. The delight on her face was something I had never seen before. As she looked at the rides, the booths of food and fair merchandise, the people, and the animals, her eyes crinkled in a smile and her cheeks blushed in the most adorable way. I looked at her and imagined what she must have looked like as a little kid. I mused that she looked exactly as she did in that moment; filled with joy and wonder. I walked forward, pulling her slightly beside me.

She was so concentrated on the atmosphere, that she didn't acknowledge my questions. I decided to let her take the lead. She didn't disappoint, as her eyes landed on the barn where the horses are kept. She took off, nearly losing my hand in the process. We reached the barn doors in a few moments and she dropped my hand, bringing her own hands up under her chin.

She walked up to a gray and white dappled horse and reached through the open slats of its stall. She cooed to the horse and it immediately took a few steps forward, its nose reaching for her outstretched hand. She spoke to the beast softly and gently caressed its nose, face, and neck. She nuzzled her face into its head and smiled shyly when she caught my gaze.

She reluctantly pulled away and returned to my side, grabbing my hand and leading me to the next part of the barn. There were many other kinds of animals, and Beca wanted to look at them all. I was content to watch her, because I had never seen this side of her.

I watched as Beca picked up a bunny and cuddled it in her arms. It sniffed at the sleeve of her jacket and let her stroke its fur. She smiled and turned to look at me. She lifted her arms slightly, in a gesture that said _Look at this!_ She moved on from the bunny, to a pink piglet. She giggled and her smile threatened to split her face in two when the girl caring for the animals picked it up and handed it to Beca. She pulled it close to her chest and muttered softly to it. She handed it back after a moment and then picked up a little yellow chick. She cooed and brought her hands up to her face, kissing the chick's head. I couldn't help but wish to trade places with the little animal.

I was constantly amazed by her. But as I watched her handle all of the animals with such delicate care, I felt my heart expanding to accommodate the growing love I felt for her. She was relaxed and excited, and she truly seemed to be in her element. There was an adorable calm to the way she moved through the barn, picking up small animals and petting the larger ones. I never would have pegged her as an animal lover, but she seemed at one with the creatures. I couldn't get over how damn charming she was.

**Beca's POV**

I could feel Jesse's eyes on me the entire time we were in the barns. I love animals and was having so much fun petting and holding them all. Jesse hadn't seemed interested in anything but staring at me, but when we came to a barn that housed purebred puppies of every kind, Jesse melted like a popsicle. He picked up a fluffy Australian Shepherd puppy, and cuddled it in his arms. It was adorable, with unusual coloring. Half of its face was chocolate brown, and the other half was the color of butterscotch candy. It had blue eyes and a pink nose. Jesse was a goner.

He lingered over the puppy far longer than I had looked at any of the farm animals, and when I tried to pull him away from the puppies, he pulled his arm from my grasp and nuzzled into the puppy's fur. He talked to it in a sing-song voice and smiled as he scratched behind his ears.

"Jesse, I'm kind of hungry. Do you want to get food?"

He ignored me and continued to play with the puppy. I sighed, growing impatient and a tad annoyed. Was he trying to get me back for paying so much attention to the other animals? No, he hadn't actually tried to talk to me. He had smiled at me and watched as I hopped from animal to animal. I had glanced back at him every few minutes, so that he didn't think I was ditching him for a bunch of furry critters.

"Jesse, can you put the puppy down? I'm ready to eat and maybe go on some rides."

He muttered something over his shoulder, but continued to play with the puppy. I tried to calm the agitation that I felt rising in my chest. I pulled on his arm, hoping that my touch would pull him away. No such luck.

"Seriously, Jesse, let's go."

I let my irritation seep into my words. They had no effect on him. Didn't he have things to say to me? Why was he ignoring me in favor of a bunch of puppies?

"Jesse, I thought you wanted to talk. We can't exactly do that if you're ogling a puppy."

"Yeah, yeah. In a minute."

Jesse waved his hand over his shoulder as he traded the Australian Shepherd for some other chubby ball of fluff. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, huffing out a loud breath. I calculated for a minute, trying to figure out how to win his attention back. Suddenly, a devious idea popped into my head, and because I was trying to let my feelings for him permeate my mind, I entertained it.

I dropped my arms, molded a sexy smirk to my face and crossed the few feet between us. Jesse had his back to me, so I grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. His eyes found mine, and before he could figure out what I was doing, I planted my lips on his. He shuffled backward, almost losing his balance. I grabbed his arms, which were still wrapped around a puppy. When he was steady, I let go of his elbows and let my hands travel up his arms and into his hair at the back of his neck. One of his arms left the puppy and reached out to pull me closer.

What had started as a ploy to get him to notice me again, (because I seriously didn't stand a chance against the cutest form of Jesse's favorite animal), had turned into a release of pent up desire that I hadn't realized I'd even had.

Jesse pulled away after a moment and his eyes were wide, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline. He blinked rapidly a few times and gulped for air.

"Wow!"

I smiled and dropped my hands before walking away. I heard him relinquish the puppy before jogging to catch up with me. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me to a stop.

"What was that?"

I leveled him a stare and raised my eyebrow at him.

"Not that it wasn't –" he took a labored breath.

"I have no words. That was seriously amazing and unexpected."

I only smiled, allowing Jesse to stutter through his confusion and elation.

"What does this mean?"

I smiled more broadly, slipping my hand into his and guiding him away from the barn and out in the night air. I seriously was hungry and needed food if we were going to get into this. We walked in silence for a few minutes before I heard Jesse clear his throat beside me.

"Beca –"

I turned to look at him and just seeing my face made him stop talking.

**Jesse's POV**

She had completely derailed my train of thought when she turned around. For the first time in our entire friendship, when she turned toward me, I saw something in her eyes. It was a mixture of desire, honesty, and willingness.

"This means that even though I don't remember what we were actually fighting about, I forgive you and that I want to move forward…as more than friends."

Her eyes shined in the twinkling lights of the fair. I thought she'd looked more beautiful than ever earlier, but I was wrong. Right in that moment was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen.

"And I hope you forgive me too." She looked hopeful and a little nervous.

Words betrayed me and I could only nod.

"And –" she looked up at me and took my other hand in hers, stopping our movement completely.

"Thank you for this, Jesse. It's amazing."

She smiled and looked around, shrugging her shoulders.

"This brings back such great memories of my childhood and I love that I get to relive them with you."

She leaned forward and placed her lips on mine again. The kiss was soft and confident. Her lips were unbelievably soft and she tasted sweet, even though she hadn't eaten and I was pretty sure she didn't wear lip gloss.

She pulled away after a moment and let go of my hands as she stepped closer to me. She wrapped her arms around my middle and rested her head on my chest. As crazy as it made me feel, that hug was even more special than those kisses had been. As intimate as it was to kiss her, it was something entirely different for her to hug me like that. She had completely let down her guard, crushed the walls that she had erected some time ago to protect herself, and let me into her heart completely.

I stood hugging her, tucking that knowledge away in my heart, thanking the universe for letting me call this extraordinary, funny, brilliant girl my own.

* * *

Yes? No?

Review please.

Hugs and kisses,

Ash


	13. Turning Page

**A/N: **Hello lovelies! Here is another chapter. You have been lucky ducks with these frequent updates. When I was writing other stories, the updates were usually weeks apart. ;-) Maybe I just like Beca and Jesse better than the other couples I ship...maybe...

So, this one is from Jesse's POV. I got this idea today when I heard _Turning Page_ by Sleeping at Last. It is one of the most beautiful, breathtaking songs I have ever heard! I love it. I do want to apologize though, because for the purpose of this story, I broke the lyrics up. So how you see the lyrics here, isn't the order they actually go in. Sorry! But please do go listen to it! It's beautiful!

PP and the characters do not belong to me. Words and mistakes do.

Onward ho!

* * *

I see through the show she puts on. I see past the dark clothes and makeup. I see beyond the tough, "badass" façade that she uses to keep people at a distance. I see through the sarcasm and cynicism that I know she uses to guard her heart.

I see the beautiful, mysterious, sad, vulnerable girl that she is. There is a tragic-ness to her, and I know if she trusted me with herself, she would surely have a heartbreaking story to share.

Her brokenness scares me. There is this common misconception that guys like girls with issues. It's popular opinion that guys like girls with wounds, so that they can rush in to save the day, heal her wounds and sweep her off her feet. It's not actually true. For me, anyway.

I have always dreamed of having a perfect girl; one with a great family, a bright smile, and innocent, shining eyes. A girl who's story is even more vanilla and suburban than mine. A girl who has never been kissed, never been hurt, never experienced a broken heart. I always dreamed of having a girl who was easy to be around, one who would fall for my charm, and then fall into my arms. I always dreamed of a girl who would giggle at my jokes and fawn over me, granting me my every whim. I always dreamed of the perfect, uncomplicated girl, who would wrap herself around my finger.

So I can honestly say that it's not Beca's brokenness that attracted me to her. It was the way I felt when I first laid eyes on her. It was our first day at Barden. I was in the backseat of my parents' car, and I saw her. She looked bored and bothered as a cute (surely perfect and uncomplicated) blonde girl gave her the rundown for "move in" day. I almost looked over her, but when she heard the music coming from the car windows, she turned and raised her eyebrow at me. She tried to hide the smirk that crept onto her face, and failed.

I decided to put on a performance for her, singing and playing air guitar. Her eyes glittered in mirth and she allowed her smirk to blossom into a small grin. The expression on her face awoke something in my soul in that moment; something that I had never felt before, something I wasn't sure I even understood.

_I've waited a hundred years  
But I'd wait a million more for you_

The second time I saw her, was at the activities fair, only briefly. She was even more striking that I'd originally noticed. Her hair was pulled halfway up into some intricate spiral on the back of her head, and the rest lay in soft waves on her shoulders and down her back. She was small, very petite indeed, and elegant in the way that ballerinas are. I briefly mused if she had been a ballerina. The way she walked was graceful and smooth, which gave me further evidence to question her dancer status. I tried to memorize as much of her as I could, and as she disappeared into the crowd of other freshman, I promised myself that I would find her again, even if it took me the rest of my college career.

To my great fortune, I saw her again a week later, on the first day of my (our) paid internship at the radio station. I walked in late and felt my heart jump when I saw her standing there, talking to that oaf, Luke. There was a guardedness to the way she interacted with him, and later, me. She tried to blow me off, and even though she seemed to be in a bad mood, I didn't let her resistance deter me.

As I worked alongside her in the station for the next few weeks, I found myself wanting to know more about her. I wanted to know what made her smile, what made her mad, what she was passionate about. The more I wondered about her, the more I wanted her in my life. Permanently. I knew that I needed to be with her, make our stories somehow converge into one. I knew that if I could intertwine our lives, and create a love story out of us, it had the potential to be the most epic ever experienced.

_Though we're tethered, to the story we must tell  
When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well_

Over the next weeks and months, I began to observe her intently. I wanted to make her laugh every day, because the smile on her face eased the pain that was always hiding just behind her eyes. There was a brief moment, when she was laughing, that the pain would disappear, and I loved making that happen. I felt like her hero for one fleeting moment. As I observed her, I started noticing tiny, intimate details about her that could only be collected from time spent with her.

As tiny as she was, and as much as the cold air conditioning (that blew year-round) in the building made her shiver, her hands were always warm. Her hand had accidentally brushed mine a few times, as we stacked CDs side by side. Her warmth surprised me, and infiltrated my being. I wanted that warmth surrounding me.

_If I had only felt the warmth within your touch_

I'd seen her blush a few times, after receiving a compliment from me, or embarrassing herself by dropping a handful of CDs, or the few times I'd caught her gaze, centered on me. Her cheeks turn pink, her lips curve up in a bashful smile, and she looks away right before she ducks her head and her tiny smile betrays her and takes over her face.

_If I had only seen how you smile when you blush_

There was a day when the station was dead. There were no CDs to be stacked, and Luke was out of town on some oaf-business. So, a prepared list of generic top 40 hits played on a continuous loop, with some pre-recorded commentary. We were both scheduled to be at the station, presumably to catch up on any backlogged work, but we had finished it all the night before. Since no one was around, and there was no work, we had free time. I halfheartedly worked on homework and Beca sat across the desk from me, fiddling with the music-mixing program on her laptop. I was honestly watching her more than I was doing my homework. Her face was adorable, as she went through various stages of concentration. She had come to an especially complicated place in her mix and her eyebrows were knit together. She squinted her eyes and leaned toward the screen, as if leaning in would help her hear better, or help her brain more quickly form the pathways that were required to figure out the issue. She leaned back after a second and her teeth took her lips hostage, as she curled them into her mouth. I observed her for the next hour and I could tell she was concentrating harder than every when her lips curled in like that.

_Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough_

Knowing these small quirks about her endeared her all the more to me. Knowing that she messed with her hair when she was nervous or uncomfortable, and that she crossed her arms over her chest when she was trying to make a point or look tough, made me realize that I was falling in love with her. And it was those small details, those fascinating oddities that I began to live for.

_I would have known  
What I was living for all along  
What I've been living for_

Nothing in my life could have prepared me for the way my heart soared when she finally began to let me in; when she allowed her icy exterior to melt in my presence. Nothing prepared me for the joy I felt when she allowed me to come to her dorm, hear her music, and cuddle up on her bed to watch movies. Nothing prepared me for the thrill that coursed through my veins when she rested her head on my chest and played with the ties on my sweatshirt.

_Nothing prepared me for  
What the privilege of being yours would do_

When we fought, it broke my heart. Not speaking to her was the worst kind of torture I've ever endured. Knowing she was angry with me made me feel like the biggest jackass ever born. But what hurt me the most is that she chose to push me away, again and again. No matter how careful I was with her, no matter how much effort I exerted to keep things playful and light between us, no matter how much I fought to keep any kind of pressure off her, to grow closer to each other, none of it mattered. She yelled at me and pushed me away. She shut me out and turned her back. And that killed me.

I know that her heart is more fragile than glass, and that is why she works so hard to keep people away, and push them from herself when they get too close. But I gain strength, knowing that she is trying to let me in, trying to allow me to be close to her heart. I am willing to abandon all of my wants and needs, if it means being close to her. Our friendship was the most difficult thing I've ever known, but at the same time it was effortless. Caring for her is like breathing; I don't think about it, I just do it.

_I surrender who I've been for who you are  
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart  
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours  
Well I would have known  
What I've been living for all along  
What I've been living for_

She finally allowed me in. She finally came to me, apologizing, telling me that she was ready to let me in and trust me completely. My heart felt as though it was going to burst out of my chest. She sang that song to me, and I could see in the way she moved, in the words she said, that she was ready. But I had waited, taken it slowly and displayed patience in an amount that I thought was beyond my own ability. She walked up to me after the performance, kissed me, and then pulled away, pressing her forehead to mine. Her words came out in a sweet whisper.

"I'm sorry, Jesse. I'm so sorry."

_With the whisper, we will tame the vicious seas _

Tears slipped down her cheeks and I reached up to smudge them away with my thumbs. I looked into her eyes and it was as if I was seeing her for the very first time. Her eyes were clear, unburdened, and they were crinkled in the corners. It was as if her eyes smiled of their own accord. Her mouth was slow to follow, but eventually the most radiant smile I've ever seen, snuck onto her face and took up residence on her mouth.

Later that night, after the Bellas were awarded their trophy, we returned to campus. I left her briefly to change into more comfortable clothes, and then headed to her dorm to talk out the details of our new relationship. To my surprise and delight, her less than pleasant roommate wasn't in, so we were able to sit on her bed and talk in private.

She'd changed into a pair of sweat pants and a snug long-sleeved shirt. Her hair was relaxed and loose around her shoulders. She had on a pair of mismatched socks (a quirk that I filed away in my brain), and her whole body displayed a different demeanor. Her shoulders were relaxed and she sat close to me, without crossing any of her limbs. There was joy in her face as we talked about what her apology and our kiss meant. I asked her if we were dating, or were a couple, or needed a label.

She laughed and told me, "duh, of course we're a couple now."

The imaginary cup that held my happiness overflowed and I pulled her into my arms to hug her, cherish her, and breathe her in.

_Your love is my turning page  
Where only the sweetest words remain  
Every kiss is a cursive line  
Every touch is a redefining phrase_

After a moment wrapped up in my arms, she looked up at me and smiled softly. I felt her take a deep breath, and then in a whisper, even softer than the one she used to apologize to me, she said the eight most beautiful words I've ever heard.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

_Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees_

* * *

So?

Song: Turning Page, by Sleeping at Last (Ryan O'Neal)

Lots of Love,

Ash

PS-Please be a darling and review!


	14. Ho! Hey!

**A/N:** Hello darlings! I hope this chapter finds you well! So whatever source my inspiration comes from, is overflowing. I have several ideas that will not leave me alone, and I think I may write them all today and post them all today. I don't know. Also, I guess I'm back to songfics after a brief break. This song has been plaguing me for weeks...this is actually the song that made me want to do a songfic. This is roughly from Jesse's POV, though not _him_ speaking...does that make sense? I would use the technical term, but who even knows what those mean!? I also experiment with this fic, in that it has zero actual dialogue...which is VERY hard for me as a writer to do. I LOVE making the characters speak.

I do not own PP or the characters. I do own the words and all mistakes.

* * *

Beca wasn't exactly a pleasant person. Really, she was surly and sarcastic and never took anything he said seriously. She was hard to be around sometimes because he had to work so damn hard to gain any ground with her. He was crazy about her but knew that she could only handle a friendship with him. So he was patient, and careful, and tried his hardest to never make her feel like he wanted more than friendship from her.

But sometimes there were days when he just wanted to give up, days when she was especially guarded and cynical. Those days were hard because he tried to dazzle her with his smile, and charm her with his wit, but she would rebuff him. She would invariably roll her eyes, brush him off with a sarcastic (and sometimes hurtful) comment, or ignore him entirely. Those days made him want to quit.

But at the same time, on days like those, when he wouldn't give up, he would catch her eye at the end of the day. And she would hold eye contact for just a little longer than normal. And he could see something in her face that hadn't been there at the start of the day. Call it respect, or affection, or tolerance. Call it what you will, but when he saw it, Jesse knew that he had made some progress.

Jesse knew he was a masochist for caring for her in the way he did. It was inevitable that she would do something to piss him off or nick his pride. She wouldn't ever be ready to accept the love he wanted to offer. She wasn't good for him, and he knew it, but he loved her anyway.

It was because of that love, that he was blindsided when he caught her making out with Luke at the station one afternoon. He felt as though he'd been hit by a train. He thought that she wasn't interested in any relationship, that she was too scarred by her life to let anyone in. He thought that if she was going to let anyone in, in any way, it would be him. They were friends, right?

He had cleared his throat, causing Luke and Beca to both look up. Luke looked indifferent, but Beca looked horrified and embarrassed. Her eyes met Jesse's with panic and remorse. He didn't know why her eyes seemed to be begging for forgiveness when she had been very clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, romantically.

Still, he apologized and excused himself, before quickly walking away. He headed to the stairs that led to the upstairs portion of the station; the portion that no one went to willingly. He barricaded himself between two shelves of music, blocking the entrance with the cart that they wheeled around when their crates became too heavy. He sank to the floor, his back against the concrete wall. As much of a man as Jesse was, he felt tears scorch his eyes. He wanted to let them fall down his cheeks; he wanted to give in to the sorrow, jealousy, and betrayal that he felt, but he heard her soft footfalls on the stairs.

So, he swiped at his eyes and stood up, picking up a stack of CDs from the cart and started to distribute them to the shelves. He heard her steps draw closer, and he pretended to be immersed in his task, purposefully ignoring her ever-nearing feet. He heard her stop and sigh, but didn't stop or turn around. He heard her clear her throat, but still didn't waver from his chore. She finally took another step toward him and tapped him on the shoulder. He stilled instantly and turned around slowly. He begged his face to be neutral, to not show an ounce of emotion.

His face apparently listened, because when Beca got a glimpse of his disinterested face, her eyes changed and her head reared back slightly. She spoke his name softly, reaching out to set a hand gently on his arm. He pulled away and broke eye contact, staring at the music shelf just left of her face. She said his name again, and mumbled that she could explain. He told her that it was fine, she could kiss or date whomever she wanted. He didn't care, he had no claim on her. She could see the lie in his eyes and her face softened. She apologized and told him that it wasn't like that with Luke. She explained that it was just sex. Jesse tried not to show his shock and disgust. He'd assumed that they had just been making out, not actually sleeping together. He worked hard to keep his face level, uncaring. He even added in a shoulder shrug, to further prove that he didn't care. She, of course, saw right past it, to the injury he was hiding. She could see it in the measured way he was moving, speaking, and reacting. He was overplaying it, and she was perceptive enough to notice. She wasn't stupid, so she knew why he was acting that way.

He reminded her that they were both adults, and that they were just friends, so she could make her own decisions. He blew it off, stating that it didn't matter to him. He told her that he was busy and excused himself back to the shelf behind him. He turned away from her, so that his back was to her. He didn't want her to be able to see his face anymore. He wasn't strong enough to keep his face steady anymore. He let his face fall as he went back to organizing CDs. He knew she hadn't left and was still standing behind him, watching.

She saw the way he shrugged off the shock of her tryst with Luke. She saw the way he carefully turned around. She saw the way his jaw muscles relaxed, and the careful expression of apathy slip from his face. She saw his shoulders drop, and the way he ducked his head once his back was fully to her. She saw the way his hands and arms moved slowly, as he continued to stack CDs. She saw it all.

Jesse kept his back to Beca for what seemed like an eternity to him. He heard her sigh softly and turn around. He heard her quiet apology, and then her retreating footsteps. His ears were so trained to hear the sounds of _her_ that he heard her walk down the stairs, what sounded like her sniffling, and then eventually, her departing from the building. He heard the door close softly behind her. He heard Luke's voice on the radio, and knew that he was alone.

He let the tension out of his body and slumped back to the floor. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the concrete behind him. He was idiot for thinking that he could win her over, that he could love his way through the pain and the barbed wire around her heart. He was kicking himself for how stupid he had been, when Luke's voice in the speakers was replaced with a song. He heard the opening lines of The Lumineers song and squeezed his eyes shut harder. That was _not_ what he needed to hear at the moment.

_(Ho!)  
(Hey!)  
(Ho!)  
(Hey!)_

(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right  
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life  
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead  
(Hey!) I've been sleeping in my bed,  
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed  
(Hey!)

Jesse's heart twitched painfully inside his chest. He knew the lyrics by heart, so knew the words that were coming next.

_(Ho!)_

(Ho!) So show me family  
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed  
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong  
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong  
(Ho!) But I can write a song  
(Hey!)

1, 2, 3  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet  
(Ho!)

He knew that it was okay for him to feel the defeat and betrayal that plagued him. Jesse rarely cried, because he was able to deal with his emotions in more constructive ways, so he made an allowance. He let the tears that flooded to his eyes roll down his cheeks. He let them fall, without feeling ashamed.

_(Hey!)  
(Ho!)  
(Hey!)_

(Ho!) I don't think you're right for him  
(Hey!) Look at what it might have been if you  
(Ho!) Took a bus to China Town  
(Hey!) I'd be standing on Canal  
(Ho!) And Bowery  
(Hey!)  
(Ho!) And she'd be standing next to me  
(Hey!)

The words crushed his spirit. How wrong Luke was for her. She needed someone who cared about her sincerely, and would be patient with her and love her through her pain. She needed someone who was going to work on pulling her out of the fortress she'd built around herself. She didn't need someone like Luke; the big, stupid, shallow, arrogant _son of a bitch._

_1, 2, 3  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart_

Love ‒ we need it now  
Let's hope for some  
So, we're bleeding out

He truly did feel like he was bleeding out. He felt as though he'd lost the only thing he truly cared about.

I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet  
(Ho!)

(Hey!)  
(Ho!)  
(The last one)  
(Hey!)

The song came to a close and Jesse huffed a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he was startled to find Beca standing on the other side of the music cart, tears streaming down her face. Jesse quickly scrubbed his face and coughed, trying to think of any way to explain the scene she had surely witnessed. He jumped to his feet and straightened his shirt, entirely uncomfortable with the situation. He wanted to push Beca away, make her leave. He wanted to say something to her that would hurt her as much as she had hurt him. He wanted to walk away from her and never look back. He wanted to never speak another word to her or have another thought about her. _Ever_. But he also wanted to pull her into his arms, kiss away her tears. He wanted to let her apologize to him and to explain that it had all been a big mistake. He wanted to let her infiltrate his being, because he loved her and he knew he would do anything for her.

His confusion and indecision caused him to stand there, speechless, staring at Beca as tears continued to fall down her face. Her breathing was labored, as she tried to keep her sobs at bay, and she twisted her hands together, fully as uncomfortable as Jesse felt. He held strong, and she was the one to move first. She took a step toward him, staring fearfully into his eyes. When he didn't move away, she rushed forward, wrapping her small frame around him. He felt her tears soak his shirt, and her small hands clutch the back of it. He felt her control snap, and she let her sobs course through her. Jesse had just stood there initially, unsure of what to do. But when she let loose the first sob that shook her shoulders and stole her breath, his heart crumbled and he wrapped her up in his arms.

He drew her impossibly closer, and dropped his head to breathe in the smell of her hair. He completely enveloped her. As angry as he had been, and as hurt as he had felt, having her in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably, told him all that he needed to know. Jesse knew that she had been using Luke to distract her from himself. He knew that she had been afraid to let him in, so she searched out another guy to concentrate on. She didn't actually have feelings for Luke, she just needed him to consume her time. She needed him to engross her mind, so that she didn't think of Jesse.

He knew all of this from the way she burrowed into his chest, and molded her body to his. It was in the way she mumbled apology after apology into his shirt, while still weeping. It was in the way that she clung to him like her very life depended on it. It was in the way that she started to calm, the instant Jesse's warm voice hit her ear and his hand smoothed over her hair.

He knew all of those things, from the way she finally stopped crying and looked into his eyes.

He saw no fear, no doubt, no cynicism. He saw no walls, no resistance.

All he saw was trust, honesty, and Beca.

All he saw was _love._

* * *

Gah, I'm a fluff writer. When did that happen!? These two nerds do something to me, jerks. Please review!

Song: _Ho!_ _Hey!_ by The Lumineers

I would like to say a special thank you for all of my lovely readers who review. You are the best! I do love all of my readers, but the ones who review hold a special place in my heart!

XOXO

Ash


	15. Goodbye in His Eyes

**A/N:** Hi again! 2nd update in one night. Yes, I'm on a writing spree. Yes there will be at least one more chapter tonight. You lucky ducks, you!

So, fair warning, this is a break up fic, from Beca's POV. I know, you are all booing at me. But I'm a realist. And break ups happen a lot. And I heard this song as I was scanning through stations on the radio today. I don't usually listen to country, but I paused because the lyrics reminded me so much of Beca and Jesse. The song is sung by a man, so I changed the lyrics to better suit Beca's POV. I'm sorry if that upsets anyone.

PP is not mine. Nor are Beca, Jesse, or any other characters you recognize. Mistakes, words, and ideas are mine.

* * *

Beca knew this day would come. She knew Jesse would get sick of her snarky disposition, her sarcasm, her inappreciation for movies, humor, and generally…him. She didn't truly feel that way about him or any of that stuff, but that's how she acted. And as much as she wanted to show him how she truly felt, her surliness came out instead. She knew that she hurt him, and she never meant to. She was just incapable of being the sweet, considerate girlfriend that she knew Jesse needed.

She had been so afraid of this day, especially since she'd reached out. She used her performance at the ICCAs as an apology to him. She had kissed him. And although things had not been easy to figure out, their friendship had turned into something slightly…_more._ They had been something _more than_ friends, but _less than_ in a relationship for a while. Then, just before the summer came, Beca had let Jesse in. She had called him her boyfriend. And now it was April, and they were nearing their one-year anniversary. She should feel settled, comfortable, excited. Somehow, she couldn't help but feel like the proverbial shoe was about to drop.

Every time she kissed him, or he held her in his arms, she couldn't help but wonder when he was going to get fed up. She tried not to think that way, because she just wanted to enjoy her time with him. But the thought tormented her, night and day. She knew he was too good for her.

Jesse was kind and thoughtful. He was funny and down to earth. Jesse cared about people and went out of his way to be helpful. He was gentle and careful with everything. He was smart and ambitious. He was a good friend, and an even better boyfriend.

And Beca…well, she just was _not._ She was not any of those things. She was rude, sarcastic, and angry. She was stubborn. She didn't give a shit about school, or anything else, except for Jesse and maybe the Bellas. She wasn't very good at being around other people. She was inconsiderate, because being anything else meant letting people in, to see the ugly, mushy, scared, injured parts of her.

And so, somehow, she knew this day would come.

_I could tell that it was over  
When his lips met mine  
It was an emptiness in his voice  
Hesitation when he smiled  
He didn't have to say a word  
It was just so plain to see  
He had found what he'd been looking for  
And I knew it wasn't me_

It had been like any other day. Jesse was over at the apartment that Beca, Stacie, and Amy shared. They were curled up on Beca's bed, watching one of the many _Bourne_ movies. They were Jesse's favorite, but he seemed unfocused. He was fidgety, and wasn't repeating the lines like he usually did. Beca just figured he had something on his mind, so she didn't ask questions. But when he cut the movie off immediately as the ending credits started to roll, and started to pack up his things, Beca became suspicious. When he kissed her, before rattling off an excuse about some project he needed to finish, Beca became worried.

His lips felt different. His voice had sounded weird. There was an eagerness in his eyes, and although he was a good student, Beca knew better than to think he was excited to spend time away from her, working on some project. (That, as she thought about it, she realized he had never mentioned to her.)

_I saw goodbye in his eyes  
I don't think I can change it  
There's no way to disguise  
We will never make it_

She watched him leave, feeling her breath hitch in her chest when he slammed the front door behind him. Jesse _never_ let the door slam…even when they were in a fight.

_Sometimes I feel like a clown  
Who can't wash off her make-up_

She felt foolish sometimes. It felt like she was playing house in their relationship. He was so perfect and was just a natural. He knew the right things to say. He knew how to be a boyfriend. She felt like she was just pretending. That old adage "fake it, 'til you make it" didn't hold true for her. She'd been faking it for almost a year, and she still didn't feel like she had a handle on being what he deserved.

_The life he wanted ‒ it was gone  
His princess ‒ I wasn't  
But I would trade a thousand Babylons  
To be in his arms tomorrow  
_

His love came so naturally, like it was the blood in his veins, or the air in his lungs. Beca had to physically try. _Loving_ him wasn't the hard part. That was the easiest thing she'd ever done. It didn't actually feel like she had to do anything, or work at it. Loving him was just who she was. The hard part was showing her love, letting him love her, being in the relationship, stopping the daggers that her scared heart tried to throw at him when he got too close, or she felt scared.

_Oh, but like the tide his love has come and gone  
And it's time for me to go_

She knew this day would come. And now she felt his love for her slipping away. He was less cautious with her, less thoughtful. He had stopped bringing her juice pouches. He'd stopped walking her to and from class. He had stopped fighting to have the same schedule at the station as her. She knew that he was pulling away from her, and she wanted to leave before he could break her heart.

_I saw goodbye in his eyes  
I don't think I can change it  
There's no way to disguise  
We will never make it_

She didn't want to run away, because maybe he was just having a bad day…er…week. She didn't want to be scared, but it was in her nature to avoid pain. She tried to trick herself into thinking that if she ended things, it wouldn't hurt her. As much.

_Now he sees right through me_

After that night when he all but ran out of her apartment, the way he looked at her changed. He no longer seemed as enchanted by her. It seemed like he practically looked right past her.

Should I hold on to what we've got  
Is it just a waste of time?  
One thing that I know for sure  
I saw goodbye in his eyes

She didn't know if she should try to hold onto him, to work harder at making him happy. Maybe if she was more attentive during movie nights, or went on more dates with him, or was even a better lover (though they'd never had problems in that area), he would stay.

_I saw goodbye in his eyes_

She tried. She incorporated all of the things she thought would make him happier. They didn't.

_I know you got somebody new now  
All my candles have burned out  
She's gonna love the way you shine  
So did I  
So don't smile at me if it ain't what you mean  
(Goodbye)_

The nagging suspicion that he had found another girl would not leave Beca's mind. And when Jesse gave Beca his "award-winning" smile, she couldn't help but notice that it didn't quite reach his eyes anymore.

_With that goodbye in your eyes  
I know that I can't change it (now you see right through me)  
There's no way to disguise  
We will never make it_

Jesse began to pull away from her even further. He started cancelling their plans at the last minute, always supplying a reason that was school related. His grades were suffering, so he had to study harder. He had tests coming up that he didn't quite feel prepared for. He had to compose something long and detailed for his music class. He had extra Trebles practice, because they had messed up the previous practice.

Beca wasn't an idiot. She saw his reasons for what they were: excuses.

_I saw goodbye in your eyes  
I know that I can't change it (now you see right through me, goodbye in your eyes!)  
Should I hold on  
We will never make it (now you see right through me, goodbye in your eyes!)_

Beca felt him pushing her out of his life. He was hanging out with his friends more, even making time for people he had expressed disinterest for in the past. He urged her to spend more time with the Bellas, because he said she needed to have girlfriends in her life.

_Should I hold on  
Is it just a waste of time?_

She battled herself. Should she continue to hold on to whatever shred was left of their relationship? Or, should she cut her losses and get the hell out?

_One thing that I know for sure_

She knew the answer. It tore through her heart, creating an irreparable hole.

_I saw goodbye in your eyes_

She knew he was going to do it.

Even still, when he sat her down after two months of fear, she still couldn't bring herself to understand what he was saying.

_I saw goodbye in your eyes_

Even though he said the words, she couldn't grasp their meaning.

_I know that it's over_

It was a week before their one-year anniversary. Now, the date was meaningless. He'd done it. He'd broken up with her, in his apartment. After he said the words, she stood there, unable to believe the situation in which she found herself.

_I saw goodbye in your eyes_

She saw the signs. She knew it was coming. But it didn't stop his words from hitting her in the chest, at full force. The blow caused her to stand still, unmoving. Then, when she couldn't catch a breath, she doubled over, knocking a glass off of his table. She didn't see or hear anything as her world caved in. Jesse moved her to the side, warning her of the shards of glass that now covered the floor. He worked quickly to sweep up the mess, but she didn't notice.

Beca sank to the floor, her eyes going completely unfocused, her hands covering her face. Her shoulders shook with dry sobs, no tears coming to her eyes. She was shocked, bewildered. Jesse let her cry (or shake?) for a few moments, before he helped her stand up.

She barely heard him say that it was time to go to her own apartment. He was his old self again; gentle, kind, unending in his care and concern for her. She wanted to ask him where he'd been, where he had disappeared to, why he had left her with the asshole version of himself had taken up residence in his body. He hugged her gently to his side, and walked her the few blocks from his apartment to hers. He opened the door and settled her onto the couch in the living room.

Her eyes didn't see. Her ears didn't hear. Her skin didn't feel his arms around her. The only thing she was aware of was the breaking of her heart.

She didn't hear Jesse talking to Stacie. But had she been coherent, she would have joked to herself that Jesse was lucky that it was Stacie who was home, and not Amy. Stacie would be kind to him, whereas Amy would have torn him limb from limb.

She didn't feel the sorrowful kiss he placed on her forehead, or how his hand lingered on her arm before he walked away. She didn't hear his feet as echoed on the wood floors. She didn't hear the quiet click of the front door when Jesse was careful to shut it. She didn't hear Stacie sit down on the couch next to her. She didn't feel Stacie's arms wrap around her. She didn't hear Stacie's soft voice soothing her.

All she knew was the void that Jesse had left in her heart.

_One thing that I know for sure  
I saw goodbye in your eyes_

_I know that it's over_

* * *

::Peeks out from hiding place:: Do you hate me? I'm sorry! I know we all love happy endings. But I've written so much stinking fluff lately that I nauseated myself. I am not typically a fluff writer. But, I know it's what the people want. Not to worry...the next chapter that I've promised to upload will be gooey and cutesy, and you will all forgive me. I hope. Review? Please!?

**edit** Song: Goodbye in Her (His) Eyes by Zac Brown Band

No hard feelings?

Ash


	16. She is Love

**A/N:** YES! This one came in at 3 words shy of 2,000! That's an epic accomplishment for me! I usually have trouble with brevity...I'm too wordy! So at the end of the last chapter, I forgot to cite the song that I used. So for those of you who read it before I had a chance to catch my error, the song was _Goodbye in Her Eyes_ by Zac Brown Band.

So, this is the last chapter I will post tonight. I'm not sure when I will post again, because this concludes the songs I have been saving up, waiting for the right morsel of inspiration to strike. So now...I wait for inspiration to spark on its own! This chapter is much happier than the last two! And again, I accomplished my story without dialogue. I'm proud. But no worries, I will make sure to bring lots of talking back in my next few chapters, for those of you who enjoy that.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!...Er...it's April. Well, happy weekend, then, with this third chapter in one day!

* * *

By the time Jesse got to college, he'd already experienced a broken heart. He had dated lots of girls in high school, and had been burned by all of them. He dated a girl who used him for his status. He came from a wealthy family, was a student ambassador (for everything) and was on good terms with every teacher in the school. She had only wanted to elevate her own status, and she dumped him the moment she succeeded. He dated another girl who dumped him the second she realized he wasn't going to sleep with her. He dated another girl who spread nasty rumors about him, tarnishing his immaculate reputation. Mostly, he had dated girls who came onto him, and spent only a short amount of time with him until they grew bored, and tossed him to the side. He had dated only one girl that _he_ had actually gone after. She had been his best friend since elementary school and he had fallen in love with her. They finally dated, starting at the beginning of their junior year.

She was exactly the kind of girl Jesse had always seen himself with, and he wondered if it was maybe because he had loved her all along. She was thin and tall. Her hair was the most beautiful shade of blonde and looked so perfect, most people assumed it was fake. It wasn't. She had a perfect figure that made all the boys drool. She was a soccer player, and had the strong, tough body to prove it. She was an honor student, and extremely involved in the student council. She was nice to everyone. She went to church on Sundays and loved her family, and she spent all of her free time volunteering at various shelters (animal, homeless, for abused women and children) and schools. She was the girl every mother hoped her son would bring home. She was the ideal girlfriend.

They had been a perfect match. Their relationship was easy since they'd known each other practically their whole lives. They shared all the same inside jokes, hobbies, and even interests. They loved the same music and shared an affinity for movies. It was like their shared the same heart. She was Jesse's first real girlfriend, and the only girl he'd ever slept with. He loved her more than air, and thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with her.

He was confounded when she broke up with him in the middle of their senior year. It was two weeks before Christmas. She told him it was because she needed to focus on her studies, and because she had chosen to go to college across the country, she wanted them to separate now. She reasoned that it would be harder the longer they waited and that she was in no way interested in a long distance relationship. He was crushed, and she had the nerve to ask if they could remain friends. Jesse, being the exceptional guy that he was, agreed.

So, when Jesse saw Beca on his first day at Barden, he was instantly drawn to her. She was exactly the opposite of his ex. She was dark and mysterious. She looked dangerous, and he yearned to know her. His wish was granted when he found out they had taken the same internship. He was elated to know that they would spend every day for the entire year with each other, even if it was only for a few hours each day.

When he began to get to know her and realized that she had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor, he was beyond himself with joy. When she gave him a hard time, and didn't crack when he tried to make her smile and laugh, his need for her grew.

Because as much as he pretended to be hurt by her half-hearted insults and saucy quips, he _loved_ their friendship. He loved the way she treated him like he was no big deal. He loved that she ignored his come-ons, and that she rolled her eyes at any, and all movies. He loved that she fancied herself a badass, and he would never admit it, but he thought she kind of was.

_I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,  
But she takes it all for me.  
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,  
But she makes me want to believe. _

He thought he might lose his cool the day she punched that old a cappella dude for him. Every day he spent with her, with every sarcastic remark, every roll of her eyes, every unsuccessfully hidden smile, he felt himself wanting to fall in love. He was nervous to let her all in, and was honestly grateful that she seemed to want the same thing, because he didn't want to give another girl his entire heart for her to crush it in her hand.

The day he realized that he had fallen for her, and fallen harder than ever before, was the day they sat and watched the _Star Wars_ saga, beginning to end. She had been patient and only poked fun a few times. She seemed interested, asking well thought out questions, and didn't yawn once. For all his ex's good qualities, enjoying _Star Wars _had not been one of them. It thoroughly impressed him that Beca managed to stay awake at all.

_They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need. _

Jesse realized that day, that Beca was the person that all of the movies referred to as "the one." All of those epic love stories, with a girl who was worth more than the world, whose love could move mountains and assign number to the stars; Beca was the definition of that girl.

_She's all I need. _

Jesse had stopped living for himself. He enjoyed his studies, being a Treble, and of course movies. But Beca was the gravity that held him to the earth. She was the sun in his sky, the color on his dreariest of days. Jesse realized the irony in his thinking, since Beca tried not to be colorful. But the girl that Beca tried to make people think she was –the brooding, flippant, scary girl –that wasn't who she truly was. Beca was funny and smart. She knew everything about music and politics. She was bubbly and feminine. She made Jesse's insides burn with desire, and it seemed like she didn't even know how sexy she was.

And Jesse wanted to make the first move. He wanted to sweep her up in a grand gesture. But Beca put on an act that she was too wounded to trust anyone. Jesse knew her story, just as she knew his. He knew about her parent's nasty divorce, and the one douchey guy she had dated in high school, who tore her beating heart out of her chest. But as much as she _said_ she had erected walls to keep her heart safe, Jesse knew that she had given him the key to her stronghold a long time ago. If he wanted to take their relationship to the next level, he had only to say so. He knew that she put on the "wounded girl" act to help him not feel rushed or pressured. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, but she put on the act and waited patiently. She waited for him, and helped him rebuild himself, one piece at a time. She helped him find himself again, and she dusted him off and helped him find his feet.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,  
But she waited patiently.  
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,  
And she put me on my feet.

Jesse could feel his brokenness vanishing. He knew it was only a matter of time before he couldn't keep himself from her any longer. But then they had the big fight –the one where she told him to back off. He knew she didn't mean to hurt him; she had been angry and felt cornered and embarrassed. But the anger in her voice reminded him of his ex when Jesse had finally told her that they couldn't be friends anymore because it was just too hard. She had yelled nasty things at him. He knew that Beca didn't mean to, but she had stirred up all the pain he had been trying so hard to heal from.

Even through his pain and frustration, he loved Beca with his whole entire being. And even if she did stir up pain with her words, she was the healing balm that he needed for his wounds.

_They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need. _

He let himself believe the lie that _she _was the skittish, wounded animal. He made a promise to himself that he wouldn't run to her, he would wait for her to come to him. He was anxious for her to come.

She didn't come immediately, but she sent him texts and called a few times. He knew his resolve wasn't strong enough to hear her sweet, perfect voice, so he let the calls go to voicemail. It killed him not to text or call her back. He needed her. But his resistance paid off. She finally came to him, knocked on his door. He let her talk, and when she didn't seem to understand why he had been upset in the first place, he felt his frustration rise.

She had gently raised her hand, as if _he_ was now the skittish, wounded animal. She stood there, in her red hoodie, explaining why she had flipped. She expressed her great sorrow for hurting him, and she promised to try her hardest to never hurt him or shut him out again. She stepped into his personal space for the first time in their entire friendship and wrapped her arms around him.

_And when that world slows down, dear.  
And when those stars burn out, here.  
Oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here, _

He swore time stopped moving when he felt her arms around his middle. He leaned his head down and breathed her in; her irresistible scent, the warmth of her heart. He hugged her back, pulling her more fully to his body. She dropped her head back, looking him in the eyes. A small grin played in the corner of her mouth and Jesse wanted nothing more than to kiss it off her face.

_They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love. love._

She gazed into his eyes, and he saw that she was no longer pretending. She was more than ready for his love, and she was telling him that he shouldn't be afraid. She was ready to hold his heart, and she would do it gently and lovingly. The small grin bloomed on her lips into a full smile, and a slight chuckle escaped her lips. Jesse couldn't help himself –he dipped his head and locked lips with her. Beca was soft and warm, and her body molded perfectly to his. Her hands were reverent as they stroked his hair and caressed his face. Jesse felt himself melt into her and knew that the reason it hadn't worked out with his ex was because he had belonged to Beca all along.

Jesse knew that she was the very definition of that four-letter word that had eluded him for so long.

_She is love, and she is all I need,  
She is love, and she is all I need,  
She is love, and she is all I need._

* * *

Yay for happy! Please review! If you would like to see anything specific written, please let me know either in a comment or PM. I enjoy talking to my readers about life in general, so send me a PM if you would like to chat!

I almost forgot to cite the song again! Song: _She is Love_ by Parachute

Have a great weekend, and I will talk to you all soon!

Lots of love,

Ash


	17. The Sound of Her Breaking Heart- Part 1

**A/N: **Hello friends, so here's the first installment of a new two-shot. This one starts incredibly sad...but I PROMISE it will have a happy ending. My music library got deleted this weekend, so I've spent the last day or two re-installing all of my music. Pain in my behind. But, because of that, I have been listening to music I haven't listened to in a while, and coincidentally, most of the songs have been break up songs! So, that is where this two-shot was born from.

There is a flashback in this chapter, that includes song lyrics. So the song lyrics (which are usually italicized), will be bolded as well, so that you can see the difference.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or PP. Obviously, I own the words, plot, and mistakes. Also, there is some coarse language in this chapter, but surely nothing you all haven't seen before.

Ready your tissues! But I promise, the next chapter will be better!

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**Beca's POV**

Three years.

Three years, and it was over.

Three long, beautiful, challenging, passionate, frustrating, amazing, heartbreaking years.

Three years that had been worth it.

Those three years with him were worth every fear, fight, kiss, frustration, and desire. And as much as I hate to admit it, they were worth every tear that has fallen since it ended. And there have been millions.

I'm listening to the radio as I pack up the last of my belongings left in the apartment I have shared with Amy and Stacie for the last three years. The radio is on, and I can't help the fresh tears that prick my eyes when I hear the lyrics of The Script's breakup song. I succeed in holding the tears at bay until the chorus starts.

_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces._

I wipe my cheeks and blow out a huffed breath. He's moving on, and I need to do the same, but I can't help but stare at the box that holds the material accumulation of our time together. It had been the first box that I packed. It seemed to taunt me from across the room, where it sat on my desk.

The song continued and I let the sad melody soothe my breaking heart. How did it come to this? How did I find myself alone in my apartment, the week after graduation? How did I come to this place? I'm alone and missing chunks of my…no, I'm missing my entire heart. Yes, the whole thing is gone.

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in  
'Cause I got time while she got freedom  
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...  
No, it don't break  
No, it don't break even, no_

It was ironic, really. I had started out being the cynical one, the one thinking that it would never work out. Jesse had been so patient and so sure. He had been my own personal sunshine; always working to make me smile, making sure that I felt comfortable and established in the relationship. He never had a single doubt.

Until…

**Jesse's POV**

"Dude, you have to get up. You need to finish packing and get going. You're going to miss your flight."

I heard the concern in Benji's voice.

"And, maybe shower. It's been like a week! I can smell you from out here."

Though he teased me now, he has been such a good friend to me. He hasn't moved from the other side of my bedroom door, and I know it's because he's worried.

"Seriously, Jesse. Your flight to New York leaves in less than three hours. Take a shower and I'll drive you to the airport. I also made you lunch. It's in the kitchen if you want it."

I didn't move. I had been in this exact position for four and a half days.

4 days, 14 hours, and 12 minutes.

That's how long it's been since I ended things.

I think back to that day. I'm a jackass…broke up with her at her own graduation party. I was planning to do it a few days later, but I freaked out when she started talking about "our" plans for LA. I still hadn't told her that I accepted a paid internship in New York. She still thought that I would be leaving with her on a plane headed for the land of sunshine, celebrities, and endless opportunities. She still thought we were going to share the studio apartment that she'd found. She still thought we were going to spend our first week in LA looking for a job for me. She still thought we were going to get our "happily ever after."

While she was mid-conversation with some of her guests, I pulled her away and took her outside. The party was at her dad's home in Atlanta. It was beautiful and had become one of my favorite places over the years. I loved the pictures of Beca, the bedroom that had been set up for her years before, but that she had never occupied until college. I loved the trees that lined the property, the pool in the backyard, the courtyard where we planned our life in LA. I loved her dad and step-mother_(monster)_, Sheila. I loved her dad's dog, Buster. I loved everything about this place.

It was there, in the courtyard, with the trellis, twinkling lights and fragrant flowers that I ended things.

I let my mind wander back to that night.

_Her glossy auburn hair lies in soft curls around her face and shoulders. Her eyes, cerulean, rather than just "blue," sparkle in excitement. Her entire demeanor is relaxed, comfortable, happy. She is radiant. A thought crosses my mind; _she thinks I'm going to propose_. I mentally kick myself. Her eyes show how much she has come to trust me, and the easy way she leans into me shows that she has let me into her heart, entirely. She sighs contentedly and looks up at me through her long, dark lashes. She blinks, smiling again. My eyes are immediately drawn to her mouth, her perfectly kissable, pink mouth. I feel my heart twist. I take a seat, and she immediately follows and cuddles in next to me. She twirls a strand of her hair around her slender fingers and I can see that she is deep in thought. My heart seizes again and I distractedly wonder if I will be able to go through with this. I am so in love with her, that I cannot even fathom what I am about to do._

"_Jesse –" her melodious voice breaks me out of my dark thoughts. _

_She laughs softly and I give her a look that says _I'm confused_. She rolls her eyes and I can't help but be reminded of what made me fall in love with her in the first place. _

I cringe inwardly as a song pops into my head and plays simultaneously with my memory. I had heard the song for the first time, only weeks before meeting her. I had marveled at the beautiful lyrics and prayed that I would meet a girl that would someday make the words true for me. The lyrics replayed in my head, as I immersed myself back into that moment that was continuing to distance itself from me.

_**It's her hair and her eyes today  
That just simply take me away  
And the feeling that I'm falling further in love  
Makes me shiver but in a good way  
All the times I have sat and stared  
As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair  
And she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,  
With me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say  
Cause I love her with all that I am  
And my voice shakes along with my hands  
Cause she's all that I see and she's all that I need  
And I'm out of my league once again **_

"_Jesse," she says my name again. "Are you okay?"_

_**It's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me  
As the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes  
And I feel like I'm falling but it's no surprise **_

_I look at her blankly, not giving her an answer. She smiles the smile that I know is allocated only to me. _

"_You seem distracted." Her voice is lilting, as always, but holds a tinge of worry. I feel my heart stutter and I know I have to just do it._

_I take a deep breath and feel my heart completely stop. Yes, it stops. It stops because she's looking at me with those eyes; those blue orbs that will forever haunt my mind. I see the most intense love, confidence, and joy. I close my eyes and shake my head._

_**It's her hair and her eyes today  
That just simply take me away **_

"_Beca…" my voice comes out much softer than I intended. I worry that it sounded breathless and "lovey." _

_But from the look on her face, I know it was anything but "lovey." Those eyes, that just a moment ago held all the promises of tomorrow, are now filled with fear and distrust._ Damn this girl for being so perceptive._ I steel my nerves and untangle my arms from her. I can't be touching her, smelling her, feeling her warmth…if I'm going to do this. _

"_Beca, we need to talk about LA." I start where my lies first began. Her eyes change again and her posture straightens. She says nothing, but I see that her guard is up. _

"_I got an internship in New York." My words are careful, tentative. Beca stares at me. _

"_Okay…" She doesn't understand. She looks away, and I take the momentary reprieve of her gaze to ready the next part, that I know will be a harsh blow. _

"_I'm taking it." _

_Her head snaps back toward me and her eyes show her disbelief and confusion. _

"_I'm not going with you to LA." _

_Her eyebrows knit together and I remember the first day that I ever saw her. I remember the way her eyebrows closed in on each other and then one of them rose to her hairline at my goofy antics. I had to shake my head to dislodge her from my brain, though I know she has most certainly left an indelible mark. _

_Beca still has not said anything, so I clear my throat and repeat myself. _

"_Jesse, I heard you. Just –just hang on for a second." Her voice is shaky as she lifts a hand to quiet me. _

_I stay silent and let her work through the million thoughts that I can see racing in her eyes. Her eyes are intense, never breaking away from mine as she struggles through her reply. _

"_You got an internship in New York." I nod. _

"_You got an internship in New York and you didn't tell me about it." I nod again._

"_You took the internship, decided not to move to LA with me, and didn't tell me." Her voice is deadly calm, measured. I am lost for words, so I can only nod. _

"_Jesse…" her voice is weak, and it's a stark reminder of the first real fight we ever had, after regionals. She came to my room to apologize and I shut the door in her face. I can see her fighting her emotions. For reasons unknown to me, I remain silent. _

"_Jesse," her voice comes out in a whisper and I see tears well up in her eyes. She looks away and shakes hair out of her face. _

"_What does this mean?" Her eyes return to mine and they are swimming with an impossible depth of tears. Those breathtaking blue eyes now look like the ocean._

_She draws a suffering breath and her long lashes sweep down, releasing the floodgates of her eyes. Tears rush down her cheeks, and in a very uncharacteristic move, she leaves them alone. She doesn't swipe at her face, or turn away from me. She makes strikingly uncomfortable eye contact, searching my soul. _

"_Jesse, please say something." I didn't think it was possible for her voice to be any lower as she pleads to me. I realize I still have not spoken, so I reach out to grab her hand. She lets me take it. _

"_Beca, I'm not going with you to LA." I mentally berate myself. I seem to be a broken record player, unable to say what I really need to say, and what Beca really needs to hear. _

_She squeezes my hand harder and scoots closer to me on the bench we are sitting on. _

"_Jesse, what does this mean?" _

_Beca's words are slow and punctuated by the breaths she is trying to control. I've seen her like this only one other time, and it was when her grandmother died last year. She is seconds from breaking down and sobbing and I feel like a knife has been plunged into my heart. I can't believe that I am breaking the heart of the person I love most in this world. I'm crushing her, and I'm doing it knowingly. _

"_Beca," my voice is slow and cautious. She closes her eyes and lets go of my hand, wringing her hands together in her lap. _

"_I'm not going with you to LA. I'm moving to New York on the same day that we were supposed to leave for LA." _

_I let my words sink in for a moment. Her eyes are still closed, and she is biting her lip, surely to keep from wailing. _

"_My internship is for two years, and if they like me, they will hopefully hire me on after those two years. The movie business is tough, so I will need to grow some roots and network as much as I can to make as many connections as possible." _

_Her eyes open slowly, and there is desperation behind them. _

"_Take me with you." It's a demand and a request, wrapped into one._

"_I don't have to go to LA. My job isn't that important." _

_I shake my head. The job that she was offered in LA is much more important than me and my internship. She will start out making 6 figures, working for a major record label, mixing for all the new talent that the record label contracts. It is what she has always wanted, and everything she has worked toward for the last four years. A talent agent scouted her at the ICCAs this year and offered her the position. There was no way she was going to give it up._

"_No, you have to go to LA. You already have a job and an apartment. Chloe and Aubrey are out there waiting for you."_

_She is the one shaking her head now. Her eyes are fiery and determined. She reaches out to grip my hands again. _

"_Jesse, you are more important that all of that." Her voice is a murmur. _

"_I love you." She says it like it's reason enough. And truly, it is. It is, and it isn't, but it should be. _

"_I know, but –" She rears back when I don't say it back to her. Her hands drop mine again._

"_You can't give up your dream for me. You have to go to LA, and my place is in New York." _

_Understanding finally dawns on her completely. She thought it was a negotiation the whole time, and now she knows what I'm doing. _

"_Jesse, no –"her voice breaks and she snaps her eyes closed again, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. _

"_Beca, after tonight, we won't see each other again." The calmness of my voice startles me._

"_No –" she sounds defeated, addled, and broken all at once. _

"_I'm going to leave the party, go back to my apartment and pack my things. You are going to do the same thing. And then in a week, we are both getting on two different planes that will take us to two different places." _

_She's shaking her head fiercely, tears gushing out of her closed eyes. She's pressing her lips together, but I still hear the whimpers that she's trying to hide. I have never felt like a bigger asshole._

"_We will both have jobs and apartments. We will make friends and live our lives separately." I hate myself for how detached and professional I sound. I'm breaking up with my girlfriend of three years, for God's sake, not firing an employee._

"_Jesse, no, you can't –" _

_She's reaching out to me, her eyes finally opening. I can barely see the blue of her eyes beneath all the tears. I'm standing up, moving just out of her reach. She grapples at air and lets out a strangled sob. _

"_We will both move on. And hopefully, with time, we can remember our college days with nostalgia." I'm backing away from her, my hatred for myself growing exponentially with each step._

"_Jesse, please, _please_ don't do this!" _

_Her voice has risen from a whisper and now holds a hint of hysteria. She's stumbling toward me, unable to see past the veil of water in her eyes. She's crying hard, and openly. Her shoulders shake and her voice comes out in gasps, mixed with agonized breath. _

_I ache to reach out and hold her. I want to calm her fears and take away the pain. But I'm like an onlooker drawn to a deadly car crash. I cannot do what I want; I cannot take her up in my arms and kiss away the memory of this. I am a man possessed as I continue to back away from her. _

"_I'm so sorry, Beca." _So now the emotion comes!?_ I'm disgusted with my sudden showing of emotion. Why couldn't it have shown up when I needed it. I just broke the heart of the only girl I've ever loved and I did it without so much as a blink. Now that I'm apologizing, my sorrow shows up. _

"_Jesse, please." _

_She's despondent. Something in her voice stops me in my tracks and she finally reaches me, throwing herself into my arms. She sobs and I hold her, my own tears running down my cheeks. She clutches to me as if her life depends on it and buries her face in my sweatshirt. I hold her one last time, running my hand through her hair, feeling her soft skin, smelling her sweet scent. I hold onto the moment until the physical pain is too much; pain that is shared with my sweet Beca. I've never seen her in such turmoil. _

_I pull her away from me, caressing her cheek and letting my hand tangle with the hair at the nape of her neck. Her eyes widen, but she does not pull away as I bring my lips to hers. She is still crying as I kiss her slowly. Deeply. I pour my emotions into the kiss. I tell her everything I wish I could have said. Our tears mingle and her weeping is the only sound. I pull back after a moment and look deep into her eyes. I want so badly to tell her that I love her, but I know it will only hurt her worse. So I say the one thing that I know will make perfect sense to her. I feel as though I'm about to vomit, and the bitterness of the words sticks in my throat. _

"_Goodbye, Beca." I let my hand fall from her face and take a step back. _

_She gasps for breath and reaches out a hand as I back away from her. She doesn't move toward me, and I know she won't. I press a kiss to my hand and hold it out in her direction, before I turn my back and head back into the house. The last thing I hear is the snap of the control she was fighting so hard to keep. Sobs explode out of her and I feel my own heart shatter._

_I reenter the house and immediately find Chloe. She had flown in from LA specifically for Beca's party. I give her a synopsized version of what had just taken place. She smacks me square in the face and tells me that I'm a bastard. Then she hugs me, apologizes, and wishes me good luck in New York. _

_I leave the party with relatively little fanfare. There are enough people crowding the house that only Stacie notices me leaving. She quirks an eyebrow at me, but when she sees my face, she thinks better of asking me anything and walks away. I know that she will cover for me, and I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. I don't deserve her kindness…or anyone else's for that matter. _

_I hail a taxi, since I rode with Benji to the party. He's still inside, and I don't want to make a scene by asking him to take me home._

_When I arrive back at the Treble house, I retreat to my room immediately. I strip off my shoes and socks, and my jeans and sweatshirt. I lay down on my bed in only my boxers and t-shirt. And I don't move. _

Feeling the sorrow as if it is brand new, I let my aching heart move me from my bed. I get up, shower, and pack the few remaining things from my room. My boxes are industrially taped, in hopes that they will survive the flight to New York.

I hear Benji call from the kitchen and I leave my room to find him. He tells me that he's ready to take me to the airport. I nod my head and retrieve my belongings from my room. Most of the Trebles had already left for the summer, so there are only a few guys to say goodbye to. Benji helps me load my boxes into his trunk.

On the way to the airport, Benji turns on the radio. I chuckle humorlessly when a breakup song comes on the radio. It's the chorus of a song I know well. I let the words sink into my soul, and though I want them to soothe me, they don't.

_If you ask me how I'm doing  
I would say I'm doing just fine  
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind  
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two  
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,  
No matter what I say I'm not over you, not over you_

I knew when I was breaking up with her that I would never be over her. And I wish that I was a better man and had fought harder to find a better solution to our situation.

_Our._

I guess I wasn't allowed to use that word anymore.

There wasn't a _we._ There was no _our_. There was no more _us._

We finally pull up the airport. I load my boxes onto a cart and fill out the appropriate forms to have them shipped. I hug Benji and say goodbye, and then I go immediately to my terminal to board my plane. I had taken too long this morning, so when I walk up to my gate, my flight is already boarding.

I board, find my seat, and stow my carry-on bag. I sit down and look out the window. Regret hits me like a freight train and I can barely breathe.

_This is right. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what's best for her._

If it was so right, why did it feel so fucking wrong?

* * *

No worries, I will be posting the second part as soon as I'm done writing it. TONIGHT!

Songs: The Script, _Breakeven, _Stephen Speaks _Out of My Leauge, _and Gavin Degraw _Not Over You._

Hugs,

Ash


	18. The Sound of Her Breaking Heart- Part 2

**A/N:** Hmm...so...well...this chapter got really weird. I had to delete the last two pages and do a rewrite. That hardly ever happens to me. Well, here it is. Tell me what you think! I'm considering making this a three-shot...because I'm not sure if this is satisfying. Let me know, please!

* * *

**Beca's POV**

I have only traveled on a plane a few times in my life. Flying makes me a little nervous, so I usually sleep for the entire flight. Not today.

I look out the tiny window of the large aircraft and see nothing but clouds. I am suspended 30,000 feet above the ground, over somewhere in the middle of the United States. It's been a few hours since the plane took off from the airport in Atlanta.

I still can't believe I'm actually going by myself. Jesse was supposed to be with me. He was supposed to be holding my hand, talking about our plans. He was supposed to be my pillow when I fell asleep. He was supposed to be my partner in this scary, exciting adventure. He was supposed to be here.

The breakup was brutal. It had taken Chloe (and then later Amy and Stacie) the entire night, and into the wee hours of the morning to calm me down. I've never cried so hard in my life. Not when my dog died when I was little. Not when my parents got divorced. Not when my dad left. Not when my grandmother passed away. Not even during any of my fights with Jesse, and there had been a few bad ones. My body still hurts from the exertion of sobbing so hard for so long.

The clouds are beautiful, peaceful. I think about taking a nap, but a Cher Lloyd song comes through my headphones. I feel a tiny smile start to play on my lips, but is quickly slips away. As hard as it is to stay sad with this upbeat song in my head, my sorrow is too great.

_Boy you can say anything you wanna  
I don't give a shh, no one else can have ya  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh_

The truth in the words is what hurts. I sigh, change the song and continue to look out the window.

I think back to that night, when Jesse ended us. I think about the emotions, what was said. I honestly thought he was going to propose to me. He had a nervous energy for days before the party. When I asked him what was going on, he shoved it off and smiled, saying that I didn't need to worry. After three years of dating, I assumed that's what had him in knots.

That is why I was so floored when he started talking about New York. That, and the fact that he had never told me about it. Seriously? We could have figured something out. We didn't have to break up.

Then I'm struck with his selfishness. Did he never consider dropping the internship for me? It was just an internship! I was ready to give up my entire life; my first real job, my friends, my apartment, for him. I would have figured something out if it meant that I could be near him. Am I not important enough to him, for him to –I stop myself. Now I'm struck by my selfishness. Listen to me, going on about him dropping everything. He shouldn't drop anything for me, and truth be told, if he had wanted to, I never would have let him. I just wish we had come to the decision to go our separate ways mutually. It would have hurt less and been less savage.

What hurt the most…well, there were several things. One, that he had lied to me for so long and made the choice to break us up without talking to me about it first. Two, that he had been so cold and detached when he broke up with me. He'd been so quiet, I swear you could hear the sound of my heart breaking. And three, he walked away, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.

My chest throbs violently at the thoughts of that night. I still wonder how I'm somehow functioning without my heart. I'm sure I left it in his hands when he walked away from me that night. Isn't a broken heart metaphorical? How is it _physically_ painful? I don't know.

I wake up some time later, when the captain comes on the overhead speakers. He tells us that the plane will be landing in LA in less than ten minutes. I pack up the few things that I've taken out of my backpack. I want to be ready the minute the plane hits the ground.

The aircraft makes its descent into LA and I can't help the excited buzz that runs through my blood. It's bittersweet, really. I'm excited, but Jesse is supposed to be here, sharing in my excitement. A lump forms in my throat and breathing suddenly takes immense effort. I smooth my hands over my hair and unbuckle my seatbelt when the seatbelt light goes off.

I grab my backpack and my bag from the overhead compartment and make my way out of the plane. Chloe and Aubrey are supposed to be meeting me at baggage claim. I make my way through the airport, trying to peek through the windows at the LA terrain. I feel tears bubble to the surface of my broken heart and duck into the closest bathroom.

I stare at myself in the mirror, willing the pain to go away. An older woman appears out of a stall and starts to wash her hands. She looks eerily like Kathy Bates (who I only know of because of the movies Jesse forced me to watch). She looks up and makes eye contact with me in the glass. Her eyes droop and she turns to look at my face. There is sadness in her eyes, and I can't understand why.

"It's going to be okay, sweetheart." Her voice is kind and has a southern twang. I finish washing my hands and just stare at her. This cannot be happening.

"I'm sure he was great, but you are here to do what you love." She sounds so sure. I smile and look down.

"How did you –" I look back up and she's gone. I shake my head, baffled. _What the hell? _I wonder if I imagined the whole thing.

I take a deep breath, checking my reflection in the mirror one last time. I look as good as can be expected after a five-hour flight. I sigh and pick up my bags. Chloe and Aubrey will be worried if I don't arrive promptly.

I walk out of the bathroom and make my way to baggage claim. I find it easily enough, with the multitude of signs with arrows. There is an escalator that descends to the baggage claim area. I take the moment of riding the moving stairs to adjust the bag on my shoulder. I look up as I reach the bottom and expect to see my girls waiting for me. They are not.

I told them the correct time, right? I look around, seeing them nowhere. I sigh and go find my luggage and boxes. I have quite a large stack, so I'm basically stuck. There is no way I can move it all by myself.

I sigh (something I seem to be doing a lot lately) and sit down on the floor. I pull out my laptop and put on my headphones to continue working on the mix I started before I left Barden. I'm so deep into the music that over an hour has passed before I know it. I look around, not seeing Chloe or Aubrey. I send them both a quick text, hoping that they hadn't forgotten me or gotten the wrong time. I take my headphones off and look around the baggage claim area. People watching will serve as a good enough distraction until they get here.

I'm searching for the Kathy Bates look-alike when I hear another flight from Atlanta announced on the overhead speakers. I was originally glad I had booked the earlier flight, because I knew I would want to sight see a little bit before I turned in for the night. Looks like I'm not going to be doing that after all. I look around a little bit more, noticing a few faces that seem relatively familiar. I _am_ at LAX, so I'm sure the faces that are familiar are actors. But since I'm not a huge movie buff, I couldn't say for sure who any of them were.

I glance up at the surge of people that begins to ooze off the same escalator that I had come from earlier. I do a double take when I see a man who bears a striking resemblance to Jesse. I blink and rub my eyes, thinking that I must be going crazy, what with seeing "Kathy Bates" earlier. The closer the man draws to me, the more I'm sure I'm not crazy. When he is less than ten feet from me, he pulls out a paper sign from his pocket. It simply says: "Beca, love of my life." He smiles sadly at me and holds out his arms.

I have no idea what is going on, but I don't hesitate as I jump up and run the last few steps that separate us, into his arms. I'm instantly crying and Jesse is kissing every part of me that he can reach. Between kisses, he mutters barely intelligible things into my ears: _I love you. I'm so sorry. What was I thinking? How could I leave you? Never again_! I pull back after a moment and just stare at Jesse. My eyes communicate for me. _How_?

He tells me how he boarded his plane and then realized what a colossal mistake he was making. He jumped planes, taking the first one that was headed to LA. He left his stuff on the plane, so it was somewhere in the New York airport now. He would have to call and have it shipped to LA. He disregards his luggage and pulls me impossibly closer to him.

Jesse kisses me reverently, his lips tender against mine. He buries his face in my neck and hair and breathes deeply. He lifts his head slightly, resting his forehead against mine.

"I'm so sorry Beca. I'm so sorry." His voice comes out in a breathless whisper, "I'm so sorry." It slowly ghosts across my lips.

I look him in the eyes, communicating without words. All I can do is kiss him with everything I have. He kisses me back, his heart and soul worshiping me. He squeezes me close to his body and I feel a warm thudding in my chest. I smile my first real, true smile since the day Jesse walked away and I know my heart has been returned to me.

* * *

I guess the break up was just so...well, MUCH, that this seems lacking in much-ness. Thoughts?

*update* Forgot the darn song again! Song: Want U Back by Cher Llyod.

Hugs,

Ash


	19. The Sound of Her Breaking Heart- Part 3

**A/N:** Hello kittens! So, I mostly have had positive feedback from the last two chapters. But, I still felt like the story was unfinished. So, here is part 3! I feel like this wraps up the story line nicely! And I think you will love the ending.

Disclaimer: There is a sex(y) scene, but I tried to be very tasteful. However, if you are underage, or don't like that kind of thing, feel free to skip it! Also, I do not own the characters or PP, but I do own the story line, the words, and any mistakes.

Enjoy!

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**Jesse's POV**

Her face was indescribable when she saw me walking toward her in the baggage claim area of the airport. She jumped to her feet and nearly bowled me over in her haste to be in my arms. I hugged her fervently and dropped kisses to her hair, face, neck, shoulders. I couldn't stop apologizing. Her warmth surrounded me and for the first time in over a week, everything felt right again.

Beca and I rented a pick-up truck from the airport and drove to her…our…new apartment. We lugged her boxes and bags into the building and into the elevator. The loft was on the top floor, and when the lift finally _dinged_, the doors opening slowly. We hefted all of Beca's belongings into the loft and then stepped back to gaze at the space.

It was surprisingly beautiful. Windows replaced three of the four walls and the view of the LA night was breathtaking. The concrete floors were stained a rust color and the red brick of the building was exposed under the windows and on the one solid wall. The ceiling was far above our heads and was painted to look old. The room was cut in half by a wrought iron, spiraling staircase that led to a raised floor that was suspended from the ceiling. I chuckled, thankful that the loft had come furnished. There was no way the two of us would have been able to get a bed up those stairs. To the left, was a cozy kitchen nook with dark stained cabinets, a refrigerator, stove and sink. It was just enough to be sufficient. The bathroom was concealed behind a giant barn wood door that I hadn't noticed before. The bathroom was a pocket that stuck out from the non-window wall. Upon inspection, we found a claw-foot tub, a toilet and a large pedestal sink. The entire loft was charming and homey. It was perfect.

We unpacked her few boxes and crashed onto the couch to watch a movie. Beca was unusually quiet and contemplative through the first half. Then suddenly, she sat up and stared at me.

"What?" I said dumbly.

"We need to talk about what happened. We can't just forget all the...all the…um –the pain." The words came out of Beca's mouth with difficulty.

"We can't just forget that you crushed my heart and walked away from me. We can't just forget that we broke up and that it was the worst thing I have ever endured. I love you and I could not be happier that you are here. But we can't just pretend it didn't happen."

Her eyes were misty and I was terrified that she was going to start crying. I immediately sat up and drew her into my arms. I kissed her temple and ran my hand over her silky hair.

"No, of course not. But," I paused, pulling away to look into her eyes.

"We have had a long and eventful day. I think we should get some sleep and then we can talk tomorrow."

She nodded at me and stood up, trying to pull me up with her. I shook my head slightly, remaining seated on the couch. It felt like we weren't really back together yet…and least not until we talked. I intended to sleep on the couch. She acquiesced and headed to the bathroom to shower.

I sat back on the couch and flipped back a few scenes in the movie we had been watching. I heard Beca start the water for the shower, and I felt heat build in my abdomen. I knew she was naked in the bathroom, and our break up made my need for her more noticeable than it had ever been. I waited a few minutes; until I was sure she was in the shower and then got up.

I knocked on the door and walked in, instantly surrounded by the steam of the hot water. Beca sang softly and I was glad to hear the joyful quality in her voice.

"Beca?" My voice was questioning.

"Hmm?" She hummed from behind the curtain.

"I'm in love with you."

She chuckled and peeked her head out from behind the curtain, black streaks of makeup running down her face.

"Of course you are, weirdo!"

"I need you." I wasn't even sure which meaning the words held as they came out of my mouth. Were they sexual or sentimental?

"I need you too." Her reply was simple. She inferred the correct meaning, but when I heard her words, desire burned in my core.

"No, Beca, I _need_ you."

"Oh!" Her voice was surprised. She peeked her head out of the curtain again and gave me a saucy wink.

"Get in then!"

I wasted no time in stripping my clothes and stepping into the warm spray of the shower. Beca's back was turned to me, soap bubbling down her body. I inhaled, unable to take my eyes off the beautiful woman who was all mine.

"You can touch me, you know." Her voice was amused, and she glanced at me over her shoulder. She had a sassy grin on her face and it was all I could do to just stand there. I wanted to move fast and slow at the same time.

She chuckled, sensing my indecision. She reached out a hand behind her and grabbed my arm. She pulled it to her skin and wrapped it around her waist. Her insistence pulled me forward, my body connecting with hers from chest to feet. I groaned. _God this woman!_

She turned and gazed into my eyes innocently. She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. My hands smoothed over her slick skin slowly, taking in every inch of her. I had missed her so much; missed her body, her face, her hair, her skin. Just her.

Her body instantly melted into mine and I heard her sigh softly. Her hands explored my skin and it felt like the first time she had ever touched me. I shivered under her hands and she broke away from my mouth, her eyes finding mine. They were dark, almost navy in color, and betrayed her desire. She blinked a long, slow blink, and then bit the edge of her lip. My self-control snapped and I kissed her fiercely, pushing her into the splashing water.

**Beca's POV**

His hands moved feverishly over my body. Every time he paused to lavish attention to some place on my skin, my breath came out in moans. Jesse had always had magic hands, but he had never made me want to come unglued quite like right then. He was moving too fast, and too slow at the same time.

I felt his arousal pushing into my stomach and I felt heat and desire gather in my belly. I needed him, and I needed him that instant. I ground my hips against his and he groaned into my mouth. He lifted me slightly and I gasped as he slid home. He set an agonizingly slow pace and I felt the desire in my belly turn to liquid fire. The burn traveled my entire body and made my mind go blank. All I knew was Jesse. He pulled away from me and I instantly missed his touch.

He turned me around quickly and lifted my leg so that my foot rested on the side of the tub. He leaned down and kissed the place where my neck and shoulder meet. I let my head loll back, resting on his shoulder. His hands caressed my skin and snaked around my middle. His hands touch me so tenderly that it makes me want to cry. I feel so very precious in his arms.

"I love you, Beca Lynn Mitchell." Jesse's breath whispered across the shell of my ear as he plunged into me from behind. I opened my mouth to reply, but his movements leave me speechless. I know that the conversation needs to happen tomorrow, but in that moment, I feel the frayed ends of our relationship start to rethread.

His rhythm was erratic and needy. It took only minutes before we were both spiraling out of control. Muscles clenched and my legs turned to jelly. He pulled away from me, letting the water cool the burn of our love. I stood there under the spray, my hand bracing his shoulder for support. I could not look at him. I could do nothing, and it took all of my willpower and effort to merely breathe.

"Beca, are you okay?" Jesse's voice sounded worried.

I could only nod my head. Or did I shake it? I knew nothing but the pleasure that still wracked my body.

"Did I hurt you?" Panic grew in Jesse's voice and I knew that I needed to say something.

I shook my head (yes, for sure shook it this time), and looked up slowly. My eyes met his and the intensity of emotion that I felt for him in that moment stole my breath. Although I knew we had a lot to talk about, I knew that everything was going to be okay. I knew that I had fully forgiven Jesse for devastating my heart. I knew that we would be happy in LA. I knew it would all be okay.

A smile flashed across my face and the fear in Jesse's eyes disappeared. He stepped toward and pulled me into his arms, nuzzling his face in my wet hair.

"I love you." The words left my mouth as a prayer and I felt Jesse hug me closer to him.

We finished our shower and got ready for bed. Even though Jesse insisted on sleeping downstairs on the couch, I convinced him to join me in the bed. I needed to feel him pressed against me after so many days of mourning his absence.

We slept soundly, curled into each other. We both knew that a big, important discussion was going to be had the next morning, but we were both so glad to be in each other's arms again that nothing else mattered at that moment.

**Jesse's POV**

I woke first, so I just sit and watch Beca sleep. She is so beautiful that it kind of hurts my eyes. I smile as she stretches, the first sign that she's waking up. She rolls toward me, her hand searching for my body. When it finds purchase on my stomach, I reach out and pull her into me. She smiles and puckers her lips. I kiss her and pull back.

"Are you awake?" I know that she is, even though she stubbornly keeps her eyes closed. She smiles and then slowly opens her eyes.

"Good morning weirdo."

I smile at her and press my forehead into hers. Her eyelashes sweep down and brush my cheek. I breathe her in, knowing that there's no place I'd rather be.

"So, let's get this over with."

Her voice comes out on a sigh and I can hear frustration and hesitation.

"You're a selfish bastard and if you ever do something like this to me again, you better pray the agony kills me. Because if I ever experience hurt like this again and you're the cause, I'm going to rip you apart with my bare hands." She's grinning, but I know she's serious.

"I know, Beca. And I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"Jesse, you need to talk to me. About everything. Well, not _everything_, but the important things. You can't just make life-altering decisions without me." She pushes her bottom lip out in a pout.

"It's not fair. And it's not okay." I nod solemnly, knowing she isn't done.

She surprises me when she remains quiet instead of going on. Her eyes become unfocused and her brows knit together. Tears rush to her lash line and my heart stumbles. I've made her cry again. _Damnit._

"Jesse," Her voice comes out in a whisper so soft it breaks my heart.

"Do you even know what those 6 days were like? Do you know what you did to me?" She is still not making eye contact.

"I don't know. But can I tell you what they were like for me?"

She looks at me cautiously, not knowing if she wants to hear. She blinks and then reluctantly nods.

"I didn't move for four and a half days. I literally laid in the same spot on my bed in the same clothes. I didn't eat, or shower. I laid there, my mind replaying the devastation I caused."

She looked deep into my eyes and I could see her eyes reading my pain, measuring it against her own.

"Jesse, when you told me that we were going to live our lives separately, I literally felt my heart split down the middle." A tear escapes her eye and makes its suicide fall down her face. I swipe at it quickly, wishing I could take away her pain.

"I've never felt so lost. I've never felt so incomplete. When you walked away from me at the party, I felt like you took my entire heart with you."

She pauses and releases the tears that I know she's been working hard to hold back. I catch them one by one and then kiss her face.

"Jesse you're the first person I ever considered a future with. I never let myself think about marriage or kids. I didn't think about sharing a home, sleeping in the same bed, eating meals together. I just figured I'd be single or date forever, but never commit to one guy."

She levels me with her gaze. Then she sits up, pulling me with her. Her hair falls over her shoulders and my shirt that she is wearing reveals the skin of her shoulder. I reach out to brush it with my thumb, intoxicated by all things _Beca_.

"I honestly thought you were going to propose to me that night. I never imagined that you would break up with me. I've never committed to anyone before, the way I'm committed to you. I let myself think about forever." She looks down bashfully, a tiny smile hanging on the corner of her mouth. She lets out a breath and looks back up at me.

"Look at the mess you've turned me into, Swanson! I should kick your ass for making me this mushy, cliché girl!"

"I can't apologize for that, but I will apologize for everything else. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I made you doubt. I'm sorry that I walked away. I'm sorry that I was selfish and scared. I'm so sorry, Beca. That sounds so stupid and small, but that's the only way I can express my sincerest apologies."

She nods and leans into me.

"I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I pushed you away, and decided on our future alone. I hate that I made the wrong choice…the _wrongest!"_

We both chuckle at my made up word.

"I hate that I threw away what we have. I hate that I made you get on that plane alone. I hate that you stepped into LA for the first time without me. I hate that you had to be alone. I hate that, and I hate myself for all of this."

She's shaking her head, pressing her fingers against my lips.

"You are not allowed to hate yourself. I forbid it. I don't hate you. I forgive you. So you need to do the same."

She is unfathomable. How on earth can she be this trusting? How can she love me this much? I'm utterly unworthy. Just a week prior to this moment, just 144 hours before this, I destroyed her entire world. And now, now, she is looking at me with those eyes. Those eyes that tell me everything I ever need to know.

She loves me.

She trusts me.

She wants me.

She needs me.

I'm hers.

Forever.

She smiles at me and lays back down on the bed. I take the opportunity to reach for my jeans that I neglected on the floor just beside the bed.

"Are you coming back to cuddle with me, or what?" Her voice is sarcastic and I revel in the sound.

I never could have imagined loving this wily, cynical, crazy, beautiful girl so much. I never imagined needing her so much.

Beca huffs at me and turns in the sheets. The playfully violent words she's about to say die on her lips when she sees me sitting on the bed behind her, holding a ring box.

Her eyes widen, and they shine and glimmer with tears. Her mouth drops open before perking up in a smile. She turns her head sideways, looking at me from the corners of her eyes.

"Jesse –" her voice is hesitant, nervous, a warning, as I flip the ring box open, revealing the ring that I painstakingly picked out a few weeks before graduation. I scold myself internally, hating that I planned to propose to her after our graduation and then got scared and broke up with her instead.

"Beca, will you marry me?"

The breath gusts out of her lungs and she lunges forward, her lips crushing against mine. She's gripping my face between her hands, peppering kisses to every inch of skin she can reach. She's in my lap and she's laughing and crying at the same time.

"Yes!" She laughs between kisses, tears streaming down her face.

She repeats her answer over and over, wrapping her small arms around my shoulders. She lays her head on my shoulder and I can feel the erratic beating of her heart. She looks up at me with soft, happy eyes. Her voice is just a breath as it comes out of her perfect mouth.

"Yes, Jesse."

* * *

So? Is that enough explanation? I wanted them to talk about what happened without beating it to death. That makes sense, yeah?

Hugs,

Ash

PS- PLEASE review! I need encouragement and love!


	20. Falling in Love, Little by Little

**A/N:** Hello marshmallows! I am sorry for the delay in updating this! I had a busy week and was out of town this weekend. I am oddly fond of this one, which is my first strictly AU fic in this series. I think you guys will enjoy it!

There is some language in this, and as always, characters do not belong to me. But words and plot do. Oh. And mistakes. Those are mine too, unfortunately. :-)

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They'd been best friends since before either of them could remember. Actually, their parents had started out as best friends, when both sets of parents moved into a brand new neighborhood. Their houses were side by side and the Swansons and Mitchells instantly became inseparable. Both women conceived around the same time, with Mrs. Swanson being due in June and Mrs. Mitchell in August. They attended birthing classes together, shopped for baby gear together, and held each other's hands during the ups and downs of pregnancy. They were slightly disappointed to learn that their babies were different genders, but decided they could be best friends anyway. They even mused that maybe their babies would get married someday.

Jesse and Beca had literally grown up together. They were in the same class every year and although they both had other friends, greatly preferred to play with each other. They fought like brother and sister, but were the best of friends in the next instant. They were fiercely protective of each other, and in 1st grade, when Mrs. Swanson told Jesse he was going to have a baby brother or sister, Beca let him stay in her tree house for the entire day. His baby sister was born some months later, and he was none too happy. Beca thought April was cute, but always laughed when Jesse called her "Ape" behind their parents' backs.

Their 5th grade year was when Beca's parents started having problems, at least that was when Beca first became aware. Her dad was always angry and seemed worried. And her mom acted crazy and began yelling at her out of nowhere. She and Jesse were playing video games in her room one night when she heard them yelling. She muted the TV and shushed Jesse as she went to her bedroom door. She pressed her ear against the door to try to hear better. Her parents voices were muffled, but she could tell they were both really angry. She knelt down on the floor and put her face as close to the crack under the door as she could. She could hear their voices better, but didn't understand what she was hearing. All she knew was that her father was threatening to send her mom away, and that he would leave if things didn't get better. She stood up and looked at Jesse with fear in her eyes. She was strong and usually didn't cry about anything, but the look on Jesse's face told her it was safe to let it go. She ran into his awaiting arms and sobbed her heart out. Jesse had been bewildered at first, but quickly learned that rubbing her hair and whispering sweet things into her ear helped. He calmed her down in only a few minutes, and they two of them fell asleep curled into each other's arms.

It was the beginning of summer, later that year when Beca's parents told her they were getting divorced. She had stared blankly at them, not believing what they were saying to her. They explained that Mrs. Mitchell was sick, and needed to get better. She was confused. Her mom didn't seem sick. And even if she was, shouldn't they stay together until her mom was better? When they tried to reach out to her, to explain, she got up and ran next door to Jesse. That rest of that day and into the night, they watched movies together, snuggled in Jesse's oversized beanbag. The Mitchells let Beca stay the night because they knew she needed time to process. Beca later came to know that the divorce was already final, and that custody of her had already been decided, without her knowledge or say-so.

Three weeks later, Beca was forced to move across the country with her father. Her mother was left with the house that Beca had grown up in, and as far as Beca was concerned, left with the life that Beca didn't want to leave behind. She would be leaving her room, her school, her tree house, her friends from school, the Swansons, who were like her second set of parents. And Jesse.

She cried a lot that last week in her childhood home. Middle school would be hard enough, but now she was being asked to do it all by herself, without Jesse. They were attached at the hip, even more than usual those last few days, and when Mr. Mitchell told her that it was time to go, she sobbed and clung to Jesse's side.

Her dad pulled her away from Jesse, kicking and screaming. Hot tears streamed down her face. They were a product of her anger at the situation –the fact that she had not been given any choice in the matter, and the heartbreak she felt from being pulled away from Jesse. Her cheeks turned red and her voice was hoarse from shouting. It took Mr. Mitchell all of his strength to pull her away from Jesse, who did nothing but squeezed Beca more tightly. It was as if his hand was super glued to Beca's. He held onto her until Mr. Mitchel stuck her in the backseat of his car, shutting the door between them. Beca instantly rolled down the window and stuck her hand out to Jesse, who took it, gripping it with all his might. Mr. Mitchell started the car and pulled away from the house. Jesse ran along with the car for as long as he could, his hand still connected to Beca's. When the car's speed surpassed what Jesse could keep up with, he had to let go. Beca wailed through the window, reaching uselessly through it. She kept her head out the window, looking back for as long as she could. She yelled his name, reaching for him even as her father drove faster.

She cried harder as she watched her home, her mother, the Swansons, and Jesse grow smaller and smaller, until they disappeared altogether. When Mr. Mitchell turned onto the highway, Beca pulled her head back through the window and rolled it up. Her tears still had not stopped as she flopped over and curled into the fetal position on the seat. Mr. Mitchell glanced back, his worry for his daughter growing with every sniffle.

What Beca didn't know at the time, was that her mother was addicted to prescription drugs. Her father had put up with it for as long as he could, but when Mrs. Mitchell's behavior started to affect Beca, he had to draw the line. Mr. Mitchell hated that the situation had come to that; that he had to take Beca away from her mother, her home and school, her friends, and most especially Jesse. He glanced in his mirror at Beca often during the drive from New Hampshire to Georgia. Beca stopped crying eventually, and a blank, emotionless mask replaced the emotion that had once poured out of her face.

She didn't speak at all during the trip, even between driving, when they'd stop to eat or at a hotel for the night. Mr. Mitchell rented movies for her, bought her ice cream and cheesy souvenirs, let her eat unhealthy road snacks, and even bought CDs that he knew she liked to play on the car's stereo. Nothing helped and nothing brought her out of her depression.

When they arrived at their new house in Atlanta, Mr. Mitchell showed Beca her room. She looked around and spotted the window seat immediately. She said nothing, but walked to the window and sat down, her gaze trained on the view of the backyard. Mr. Mitchell left without saying anything, and went out to the moving truck to unload Beca's belongings first. He set up her room all by himself that night, as Beca stayed curled up in the window seat. After she refused to eat dinner, and halfheartedly brushed her teeth, Mr. Mitchell tucked her into bed and kissed her forehead. He told her he was sorry and that he would find a way to make it better. Beca stunned him into silence when she spoke for the first time since leaving New Hampshire. _Only Jesse can make it better._

Mr. Mitchell's already breaking heart broke fully into hundreds of pieces that night. He vowed to himself that he would find a way to bring Jesse back to his baby girl. He didn't care how much it cost him, or how much trouble it required; he _would_ make a way for them to see each other.

Mr. Mitchell held to his promise; Jesse visited that Christmas. Mr. Mitchell saw Beca light up and interact in a way he hadn't seen since before Beca learned of the divorce and the move. She laughed and played, and acted her age. He felt the place where his heart used to be seize with the knowledge that the divorce, Mrs. Mitchell's drug problem, and the move had devastated Beca's tender heart beyond repair. He inwardly wished that Jesse didn't have to leave; wished that the boy could stay and continue to bring sunshine to his little girl's face.

When Jesse left, Beca returned to her sad, silent self. Mr. Mitchell hated that he had to send her back to a school he knew she hated, back to kids who didn't understand her or what she'd been through, to teachers who knew she was smart, but didn't reach out to help the struggling girl. Beca was a very smart girl and excelled academically, despite the turmoil in her young life. But she didn't participate in class discussions, or extracurricular activities, and didn't have any friends to speak of. Her teachers expressed concern for her, but did nothing to help make her time at the junior high school easier for her.

Jesse did not visit again until the summer between their 10th and 11th grade years. When Jesse arrived, he found Beca to be a changed girl. She was no longer the adorable, sweet, wears-pink-and-braids girl he had once known. This Beca wore dark colors and tied her hair back away from her face. She wore heavy eye makeup and constantly had her headphones on her ears, blasting thumping, angry music for all to hear. She avoided eye contact, crossed her arms frequently, and rolled her eyes as much as she could. She was sarcastic and Jesse mused that her face must be stuck in a smirk, with her eyebrow cemented in its raised position. There was no longer anything soft about her, but Jesse still loved her, and he knew that Beca was glad he was visiting. It pained him how different she was. She was harder, angrier, sadder. Mr. Mitchell noticed the difference too, even though he'd been witness to the incremental changes to her appearance and personality. Even though her eyes lit up when Jesse stepped into the airport terminal, she didn't run to hug him. She didn't engage him in endless chatter as she used to, didn't curl into his warm body, and didn't hang on his every word. She was guarded and almost cold. She shrugged away from his touch and rolled her eyes when he offered to watch what used to be their favorite movie.

She showed him around town like it was an obligation, and although she said nothing aloud, Jesse began to feel like she didn't want him there. Jesse knew his Beca was still somewhere inside this girl with the hard exterior. He was shocked and sad at the girl before him. She was a girl who had been hurt and who hadn't had anyone to help her through it. Jesse felt gnawing guilt in his stomach when he realized he could have made a difference; he could have been the one to help her through the tough transition. He could have been the one to fight for her. He mentally kicked himself for being so busy with choir and baseball and friends, that he had chosen not to visit Beca the last few times Mr. Mitchell had offered. He kicked himself for not calling more, or sending emails, or even texts.

Beca had just finished showing Jesse her favorite music store. They had just stepped out of the store when she showed a rare display of amiability and smiled at him, bumping into him with her shoulder. He took it for an opportunity and pulled her into him, pressing her small frame into his chest. He heard her gasp and watched intently as her face jerked up and her eyelashes swept her cheeks so that her eyes were trained on his. He stared at her for a long moment and then leaned in, so that their cheeks were pressed together and his mouth was by her ear. His soft breaths made her shiver and Jesse couldn't help but notice how warm she was and how nice she smelled. He spoke in a whisper and promised he'd never let her go again. He promised to work on healing her heart, and showing her how sorry he was for neglecting her. He vowed to spend every moment of every day of the rest of his life helping her feel okay again.

He felt her shoulders shudder and her forehead drop to his chest. He held her as she cried, knowing that his words had made their way into her icy heart. Her arms gripped him fiercely and she burrowed her face into his neck, breathing him in. He held her and let her cry, smoothing his hand over her hair and whispering sweet nothings into her ear, just as he had all those years before. It was right then that Jesse realized his love for her was more than nostalgia for a childhood best friend. He loved Beca in a way that was real, consuming, challenging, and scary.

Jesse left when the summer ended. He and Beca had made some forward progress, but when it was time for him to leave, the fierceness in the way that Beca clung to him reminded him of the way she had that day so long ago, when she left his life the first time. Although she didn't break down the way she had that day, she cried and begged him not to leave. His heart wrenched when he heard his flight back to New Hampshire called overhead. He had to physically force himself to step out of her arms and walk away from her. As he reached his gate, he looked back. The hundred feet that separated them seemed like miles. He saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes and the way she bravely tried to hide her emotions for him. She had her arms crossed around her body, and her whole body looked defensive –except her eyes. Her eyes were sad and hopeful at the same time. It was in that moment that Jesse knew he had won her back.

Jesse stayed true to his promise and called Beca at least once a week. They were constantly texting and sending emails and tweets to each other. They shared their Instagram pictures, and tagged each other in silly Facebook posts. Though 1,132 miles (he'd looked it up online) separated them physically, they were closer emotionally than they'd been since they were 11 years old. And even though they were best friends and Jesse was crazy in love with Beca, they both dated other people.

Beca was deeply in denial about her feelings for Jesse, and she missed him so much, that she threw herself into meaningless flings. They couldn't exactly be considered relationships because Beca did not contribute anything but a warm body and occasionally, sex to them. She allowed boys to "woo" her, buy things for her, take her on dates, and generally adore her. Then, she would decide if they were worth her time. If they were, she would sleep with them for a while, and then send them out the door before they could fully fall in love with her. She had a two month turnover rate, and even though all of the boys at her high school knew that, they tripped over each other for the chance to date her. Beca wasn't aware, but she was by far the most attractive girl in her school. It wasn't necessarily that she was the prettiest, but she was the smartest, funniest, and had the most knowledge about music, politics, pop-culture, and a myriad of other things. She was something of an enigma, and they boys in her school loved that she oozed indifference and carried a _no-shit-badass_ attitude. Though many boys wanted to date her (or just get in her pants) Beca had only slept with a select few. She liked the adoration phase, but definitely was not easy, or a slut. Beca had values, and although she got a thrill from pushing them, she subconsciously held back for Jesse.

Jesse's experience was not unlike Beca's, in that all the girls in his school adored him. Jesse _was_ the best-looking boy in his school and he knew it. He loved that the girls fell all over him. He dated lots of girls, but never for longer than a few weeks. He'd slept with a few girls, when he grew bored of his life. But every time he was intimate with a girl, all he could think about was Beca. He didn't mean to, really, but he'd look down at the girl and see Beca's eyes. He'd run his hand down the girl's hair and feel Beca's instead. He'd hug a girl close to his body, and think of Beca's small neck, shoulders, waist. Even when he kissed girls, he always imagined Beca's soft, perfect, pink lips. He had never kissed Beca, but all those years of loving her had given him ample fodder for his imagination. He also incurred a tremendous sense of guilt every time he slept with a girl. He _knew_ he was in love with Beca, yet he subjected unsuspecting girls to his charm with no intention to follow through or continue into a relationship.

Jesse wasn't able to visit Beca the next summer. His mom had been laid off from her job and Jesse was asked to get a job to pay for his expenses, including gas for his car, a portion of the grocery bill, his cell phone bill, and a few other things. Beca hadn't been able to visit either, because she too had gotten a job, though hers was out of boredom and not necessity. Mr. Mitchell made more than enough money at the university to pay over and beyond for anything that Beca wanted or needed. Because of their forced separation, the summer was excruciatingly long. But when fall came, both Beca and Jesse were excited beyond telling. It was their senior year and they would soon be free of the agony that was high school.

After graduation, Beca would be attending Barden University, the school that her father worked at. She would of course attend for free because of her father's status. Mr. Mitchell had also been able to swing a deal for Jesse at half-price tuition, who jumped at the chance to go to the same school as his girl. Jesse had begged Mr. Mitchell not to tell Beca that he was going to attend Barden, because he wanted it to be a surprise. Mr. Mitchell reluctantly agreed to keep quiet, and Jesse told Beca that he would be attending a school in North Carolina, which was only a few hours away.

The first semester flew by, and Beca surprised Jesse at Christmas by showing up on his front step. Beca's mom was finally clean and free of drugs, after years in and out of rehab and Mr. Mitchell had arranged for Beca to spend her winter break in New Hampshire. Beca didn't want to stay with her mother, to whom she'd barely spoken since she was 11 years old, but didn't put up a fight about going. She would be spending nearly a month with Jesse, so she didn't let it bother her that she'd have to put up with her mother. Beca reasoned that if she wouldn't get to spend her college years with Jesse, she could be polite to her mother so that she could spend some much needed time with her best friend. Jesse had been so surprised to see Beca at his front door that it took him nearly five minutes to regain his ability to speak.

They were inseparable for those few weeks, and even though Beca was supposed to be staying with her mother in her childhood home, she refused and stayed with Jesse instead. Beca and Jesse spent every night curled into each other in Jesse's bed. Their friendship had never been closer or stronger. It was during that visit that Jesse kissed Beca for the first time. It happened the second to last morning of her stay, while they were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast. She had just cracked a joke, and her eyes sparkled in mirth. She was still in her pajamas and hadn't put on her dark mask of makeup yet. Jesse was struck by how exceptionally beautiful she was and he hadn't been able to stop himself from leaning into her. He watched her face, and her eyes swept closed when he was close enough to share her breath. He felt her intake of air when he pressed his lips softly to hers. His hand slowly rose to thread into her hair and he stood up from his barstool, positioning himself directly next to her. She sighed into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. They both saw stars and felt like the gravity in the room had been turned off. Jesse heard her moan softly and pulled away, not wanting the kiss to grow too heated. She blinked slowly, her mouth slightly open. Her eyes were unreadable and Jesse was nervous. He broke eye contact and stepped away from her to clear their breakfast dishes.

They never talked about it and Beca left the next afternoon. The rest of the year passed in a blur and before they knew it, Jesse and Beca were gearing up for college. Jesse had packed up his stuff early and drove down to Georgia to spend the summer with Beca. They didn't talk about the kiss they shared over Christmas, and instead continued their friendship as if it had never happened. Jesse still put on the charade that he'd be driving back up to North Carolina for school in the fall, and even left a week before classes started to move into his dorm early. Beca was sad to see him go, but knew that she would be visiting him in North Carolina soon.

On the official move in day at Barden, Beca had taken a cab to campus, since she didn't have a car and Mr. Mitchell was already there, attending meetings. She was listening to a blonde girl ramble on about school rules and rape whistles when she heard one of Jesse's favorite songs blasting out of a passing car. She turned involuntarily to glance at the passerby and was shocked to see Jesse's car, complete with his smiling face in the backseat. His parents had flown down to make sure he was settled, and he sat in the back of the car serenading Beca, air guitar and all, as they pulled the car up next to her. She smiled her sarcastic half-smile and contemplated all the ways she could kill him for tricking her.

She brushed the blonde away and walked to Jesse's car, pulling the door open and collapsing onto him. She hugged him tightly and whispered curses into his ear. They both got out of the car and she could not contain her excitement and surprise. She kept giggling and asking _How? Why? When?_ and Jesse could only smile broadly.

He pushed her back from him and noticed that she had pulled her arsenal of _back-the-fuck-off_ out of the deepest recesses of her being. Her hair was pulled away from her face and twisted into some spiral on the back of her head, her eyes were darkly smoked, her nails were painted black, and she wore dark jewelry and clothing. Jesse smiled when he noticed the cracks in her façade; soft curls that hung around her shoulders, pink lips, the light scent of her perfume, the cross bracelet on her wrist, her sweet smile, and the sparkle in her eyes. He was getting through to her and he couldn't be more pleased. He smiled smugly and she punched him in the stomach. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and motioned for his parents to park the car. He helped Beca bring her bags to her room and helped her settle in. Beca's roommate hadn't arrived yet, so they, along with the Swansons, enjoyed the quiet of the otherwise busy dorm. They spread out on the two twin sized beds and ate dinner while watching a movie. They shared animated conversation, along with laughs so hard their sides ached.

Later that night, Beca rode with Jesse to drop his parents off at the airport. Hugs and tears were had, and then Beca and Jesse were on their own for the first time in their lives. They rolled down the windows and turned the music up loud. Beca laughed and smiled freely as the wind blew through her hair, and Jesse marveled when he realized he was falling even more deeply in love with her.

That was the moment when Jesse realized falling in love was a constant thing. He fell in love with her in little ways, every day. There would never be a day when he was just done falling in love with her. He knew he would continue falling in love with her little by little, for the rest of their lives. And there was no other way he would rather it be.

* * *

What'd you think? Leave me a comment in the little box below please! Also, if you have any suggestions for future one-shots, any songs you'd like to see a fic written for, or anything beyond a normal review, feel free to PM me!

Love you all!

Ash


	21. Smash My Heart

**A/N: **Hello cupcakes! I hope this chapter finds you all very well! This is **not** what you have all been waiting for, but I promise that a continuation of the AU chapter that is before this is coming! I have very big plans for it and you will not be disappointed. This fic started as a suggestion from **Arielle** and kind of morphed into it's own thing. She suggested a song from Smash and I listened to it and LOVED it so much, I found a few other songs from the show to incorporate. It's not a crossover, but the songs are from Smash in this fic.

I do not own PP, Smash, or any characters. I do own story, plot line, dialogue, and mistakes.

Arielle, I know this isn't _exactly_ what you asked for, but when I read the lyrics and listened to the song you suggested, this is what came to mind. Hope you like it, doll!

* * *

**Jesse's POV**

He stared at his view of campus from his apartment window. It had been a year. She was across the country, in LA now and he was still in Atlanta at Barden. She'd dropped out at Christmas of last year, after they had been together just over 6 months. Now, it was hard for him to do anything but stare out of his window, watching the world go by. Being with their old friends was hard, painful even. It just wasn't the same without her.

_I thought I was hopeless, I thought I was broken  
I struggled to laugh when the whole room was joking__  
I waited in the cold, but the door wouldn't open 'til I_

_'Til I heard your voice in a dream_

She had gotten a job as an underling for a big-deal record label in LA. She would be fetching coffee, and generally catering to the whims of everyone else in the company. Beca swore she didn't care; that she had to start somewhere, and an opportunity, no matter how small, was still something.

_And nothing comes easy when everyone's rushing  
The signal's got speed but there's no real connection  
I tried reaching out but it was just my reflection 'til I_

Beca decided instantly. She had kept Jesse out of the entire thing until she was packing up her stuff, getting ready to move almost 2,500 miles away. She was moving across the country and hadn't even talked to him about it. It wasn't as if the job was an opportunity of a lifetime, but she reasoned that even grunt work would pay off, and although finishing her degree in music engineering would be valuable, she needed to take any opportunity that came her way.

_So sing to me and I will forgive you  
For taking my heart in the suitcase you packed  
Sing to me like the lights didn't blind you  
Like you blinded me when I heard your voice in a dream_

So, just like that, she left him. She chose to leave Barden for LA. She chose to leave the Bellas for a job as a lowly assistant. She chose to leave _him_ for her music. And he couldn't have been more surprised, or more heartbroken.

_And I could have loved you but you had the hunger  
For life in the lights, so when they called your number  
I couldn't compete with the spell you were under  
Still I, I hear your voice in my dreams_

When she told him she was leaving, he felt as though all of the oxygen escaped his body in one swift blow to the stomach. It took him several moments to actually gain a breath of air, and even longer for him to be able to speak. He had only been able to stare at her, open mouthed, unblinking and not breathing. She had looked away, feeling uncomfortable and knowing that she was causing devastation. He could see in her eyes how much it hurt her to do it, but that she also seemed at peace.

_So sing to me and I will forgive you  
For taking my heart in the suitcase you packed  
Sing to me like the lights didn't blind you  
Like you blinded me when I heard your voice in a dream_

Jesse snapped out his recollection and looked down at the blank sheet of music paper in front of him. He was supposed to be composing his final piece for his composition class, which was worth half of his grade. It was due in less than 24 hours, and he still hadn't written a single note, or word. All he could do was stare out the window, and feel the darkness of his heart wrap around the edges of his mind.

_I thought I could love you but you had the hunger_

He missed her so much it physically pained him. He was still as shocked now, as he had been in that moment, that she had chosen her music over him.

_Oh, and nothing comes easy when everyone's rushing_

Jesse felt despondent. He needed her in his life. He needed her back, because she had taken his heart with her when she left. She had packed it up, and then walked away, as if nothing had happened. She had walked away from him, as he if hadn't matter.

_I thought I could love you, I thought I could love you_

He thought he'd been in love with her. And now he was sure.

**Beca's POV**

She breathed deeply, not wanting to open her eyes. A year. It had been _exactly_ a year since she left Atlanta. A year since she left Barden, the Bellas. A year since she left her life, since she left Jesse. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, willing the images from her dream out of her mind.

_I'm not scared to tell the truth  
I've been to hell and back, and I went with you  
Remind me what we were before  
When we said you are mine and I am yours_

She had tried, truly tried to create a life for herself in LA. She had met some people at work and put forth extreme effort to be open and let them into her heart. She didn't want to be alone, so she tried.

_I don't know much, but I know myself  
And I don't want to love anybody else  
So let's break the spell and lift the curse  
Remember when we fell for each other head first_

She rubbed at her eyes, trying again to force the image of his beautiful face from her head. She tried to forget the way his lips felt on hers, the way his hands made her skin tingle when they wrapped around her middle. She tried to forget the sweet sound of his voice, and the way his chest rose and fell with each breath when he slept. She tried to forget the way his smell had been burned into her skin for what seemed like months after she moved to LA.

She tried to forget how he popped up everywhere she went: a poster of his favorite movie in her new friend's apartment, a new recording artist named Jesse_somethingorother,_ another artist who had a voice that sounded very similar to his. She found his favorite sweatshirt when she unpacked all of her boxes, and cried the first time she saw a picture of him with another girl on his Facebook.

_Look at this heart shaped wreckage  
What have we done?  
We've got scars from battles nobody won  
We can start over, better  
Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces  
Let the broken pieces go_

She rolled out of bed and headed to the shower. She didn't have to work, since it was a Saturday, but she needed to wash the memory of him out of her skin. She needed to not remember him on that day. She already knew how much she had given up when she left; she didn't need the constant reminder on every inch of herself.

_I can't find you in the dark  
Will we get back to who we are?  
And I can't fix this on my own  
Our love is still the best thing I've ever known  
_

She sighed again as she failed to divert her thoughts from Jesse. He was the best guy she had ever known. He was smart, funny, beautiful and kind. He cared about her and genuinely wanted the best for her. She rolled her eyes at how cliché that sounded, but it was true. Jesse was good. And she lost him, lost his heart, lost his love. No. Not lost. Gave up.

_Look at this heart shaped wreckage  
What have we done?  
We've got scars from battles nobody won  
We can start over, better  
Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces  
Let the broken pieces go_

She finished her shower and got dressed, throwing her unruly curls into a messy topknot. She needed to stay busy, not think about him. She called the girl that had become her best friend. No answer. She had friends, but not ones she could call randomly and beg them to take her mind off her past love. She rolled her eyes again. Seriously, that man had turned her into a complete and utter basket case. She tapped her fingers on her countertop. It looked like she was going to spend the day in. She toed off her shoes and walked to her couch. Flopping down she turned on the television. Her heart stopped when she saw the opening scene of _The Breakfast Club_.

_Let the broken pieces go  
Just hold on to each other tonight, oh_

She didn't even try to stop the tears that flooded her eyes and poured down her cheeks. What had she done?

_Look at this heart shaped wreckage  
What have we done?  
We've got scars from battles nobody won  
We can start over, better  
Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces  
Let the broken pieces  
Let the broken pieces  
Let the broken pieces..._

**Outside POV**

_They say nothing lasts forever  
Well, I wish that that were true  
Cause this aching in my heart won't go away_

His pain left him silent and unmoving. Hers fueled her. It burned inside of her and made her discontent with the life she was living.

_They say everything must change  
They say that time will see it through  
Well, I've listened and I've waited for that day_

She thought she would change her mind. She thought her heart would stop aching for him. She thought she could move on.

_But I wake with this anger  
And the pain won't let me be  
And the smile I share  
Is only there for show_

He thought he'd eventually move on. He thought he could forget how her essence was singed into his mind, his hands, his body, his mouth, his eyes. He thought he could smile through his heartache, and that eventually it wouldn't feel so fake. He was wrong.

_If I hang on to this heartache  
Then my soul will not be free  
So I keep trying  
But I just cannot let go_

They both felt chained to their love, chained to the other. His heart yearned for her and hers burned for him.

_I can't let go  
I need it to remind me  
I can't let go  
Oh, I just repeat the past_

His pain left him immobile. Her pain grew from a small flame in her chest. It grew until she couldn't contain it. Although it scared her to be so hooked on something, to need someone so much it hurt, she knew she needed to ride out the pain. She needed to endure until she could figure out how to get him back.

_I had to live through bad beginnings  
And I've seen unhappy ends  
So I close the book  
Before the story starts_

He was caught in a rainstorm, on a day in March. It was a humid, nasty day and he was eager to get out of the rain and into dry clothes. He had his head down and was rushing away from the music building through the quad.

_I'm just a witness to my lifetime  
And I'm a stranger to my friends  
I'm a trafficker of broken, damaged hearts._

It was hot yes, but his skin was chilled to the bone. Just like it had been since he lost her and the warmth that she gave to his life.

_Now you ask me to start over  
But it's easier said than done  
And the memories are strong when they arise  
And when heartache comes a'calling  
I won't even try to run  
'Cause it's all that makes me know that I'm alive._

He'd learned to embrace the pain, because ignoring it made the ache worse. He learned to fake a smile, learned to walk with his head down so that people wouldn't stop him to talk. He didn't want to talk to anyone. They always had pity on their faces, always asked about Beca with their sad eyes. He couldn't take it.

_I can't let go  
I need it to remind me  
I can't let go  
Oh, I just repeat the past_

Beca's skin was pocked with goose bumps and she shivered as the cold from the rain seeped into her bones. The air was warm, but she was inexplicably chilled. It probably had something to do with where she was and what she was doing.

_And though your arms are saying yes  
I feel my heart keeps saying no  
I want to love you (I want to love you)  
I want to love you (I want to love you)_

She lingered in their spot, hoping against hope that he'd have to make his way through the quad. She paced, wishing him near. She gasped when she spotted him across the courtyard, walking quickly, his head down. Her heart skipped a beat and it took everything in not to run to him. She waited (rather impatiently) for him to cross the last hundred feet of the quad. He still hadn't looked up and she let him run directly into her body.

He quickly reached out, steadying her body from the force of the collision. His head snapped up, his eyes apologetic and a bit irritated Her heart warmed, seeing his face and feeling his strong hand on her arm for the first time in so long. His face was unreadable as she lunged forward, wrapping her dripping arms around his soggy body. He stiffened only momentarily, before melting into her touch and dropping his bag to wrap his arms around her in the most painfully bone crushing hug she'd ever received.

She pulled back after a moment and smiled. She didn't have to wait long before he was smiling back. Their eyes shared all the words their mouths couldn't speak.

_Oh, I want to love you  
But I can't let go (I can't let go)  
No, I can't let go (I can't let go)  
Won't you help me?  
Help me to let go._

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Now, before you all yell at me because this "is not finished," let me explain. Sometimes, writers do things on purpose...like leaving something "unfinished," or in this case...I purposefully left this fic vague. I didn't want it to have a finite, perfect ending. I didn't want to write the conversation of them getting back together. I felt it was finished where I ended it. And so it is.

Songs: _I Heard Your Voice in a Dream_- Smash Cast

_Heart Shaped Wreckage- _Smash Cast

_I Can't Let Go-_ Jennifer Hudson (Smash version)

Let me know what you think!

XO

Ash

PS-I do have a few other ideas in my head that need to be written and posted before my continuation with the AU fic. But do not worry! The AU fic will be given its full glory in due time!


	22. Call Your Girlfriend (Part 1)

**A/N:** Hello pumpkins! So this little booger popped into my head today while I was driving home, listening to the radio. The song came on and this is what developed in my mind. I hope you like it! It is AU, just so you know. And I want to remind you that Jesse is a very good man, so please be easy on him and try to understand him.

I do not own the song, PP, or the characters. Only the sultry positions I put them in! ;-) There is some language in this one and a rather compromising position later on...but it's nothing too explicit.

* * *

Jesse's amazed by her the moment his eyes land on her from across the bar. She's maybe the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. No. No, she definitely is. He doesn't know what it is, but there is something about her that makes his heart beat erratically inside his chest. He yearns to be next to her, breathe her in, know her.

His friends' protests don't stop him. The ocean of people between them doesn't deter him, nor does the guy who comes up behind her, laying his hand on her back, ordering her a drink. The smile she gives the other man makes him strive harder for her, wanting that smile all to himself. The other women that surround her serves only to propel him toward her. Several girls try to stop him as he pushes his way through the throng of people. He doesn't even blink. Nothing can stop him; not even the fact that he has a girlfriend. But if they were both honest, they would admit that it had been over for a long time and it was easier to stay together, than to separate all of their things, their friends. They didn't even see each other regularly anymore.

Her back is turned to him and for the first time he can see the exact shade of her shiny curls, though it doesn't matter, because he's never seen hair like hers and there's no way he could ever define shade with a single color word. A thousand tones of red, brown, and blonde intertwine to make the most unique and beautiful color he's ever seen. She's smaller than she looked from across the room; she's adorably petite. Her shoulders shake with laughter and the tinkling sound stirs something inside of him.

He's finally just an arm's length away from her. He debates whether to reach out and touch her, but decides better, not wanting to find out it's all a dream. Instead, he invades her personal space and whispers seductively into her ear. She turns slowly, curiosity and amusement shining in her eyes.

He is rendered speechless when he sees her face, her lips, her eyes. Yes, he's definitely never laid eyes on a woman as beautiful as she. Her lips are the prettiest shade of pink, and her cheeks are a perfect match. Her eyelashes are impossibly long and shadow the deepest, bluest eyes he's ever seen. Her quirked eyebrow, an invitation (or a dare?), sends a shiver down his body. He draws his hand up her back, and the warmth of her skin sends shockwaves from his toes to the base of his neck. She bites her bottom lip and tries not to smile at him. He's bewitched by her and it takes everything in him to form a coherent thought.

_Call your girlfriend  
It's time you had the talk  
Give your reasons  
Say it's not her fault  
But you just met somebody new_

"Can I buy you a drink?" He's surprised by how sure and even his tone is. He watches as an amused smirk plants itself on this woman's beautiful face.

"I dunno, hoss, can you?" She's sassy, and he loves it.

"_May_ I buy you a drink, then?" She only smiles and turns her head away, bringing a hand up to conceal the smile that blooms from her smirk. Her friends give her knowing looks and disperse from her side.

He tells the bartender to make her something pretty and fruity, and she laughs at him. He turns to look at her with questioning eyes and she waves her hand at the bartender.

"I'll have a dirty martini –" She smiles and looks at Jesse out of the corner of her eye.

"Extra dirty, please." The bartender sets to work on her drink and Jesse is glued to the spot, unable to comprehend the enigma that this woman was.

Several very cheesy, very lame pickup lines come to Jesse's head. _Shit, it's been a while since I've done this._ He doesn't want to scare her away or embarrass himself. He's wracking his brain for something witty and _not_ lame and comes up empty handed. He sees her measuring him with her eyes and he fears he'll lose her if he doesn't say something soon.

"I'm Jesse." His voice sounds stupid in his head, but what better place to begin than with is name?

She smiles softly, her eyebrow raising again. She reaches out her hand, taking Jesse's in her smaller palm. She leans into his space, her soft voice not able to rise about the clamor of the bar.

"Beca," is her single syllabic answer.

The bartender sets her drink on the bar and Jesse asks him to add it to his tab. Beca's eyebrow goes up again as she takes her drink. She takes a small sip, her eyebrow still raised.

"A tab, huh? You must have a fancy job if you have a tab at a swanky joint like this." Beca's eyes shift around the club.

"I guess you could say my job is fancy. I'm in the film industry." Beca's smile turns into a sarcastic smirk and she pushes her hair away from her face.

"Movies, huh? Can't say I'm a fan."

Jesse nearly chokes as he takes a sip from the beer he'd almost forgotten was in his hand. Her indifferent tone and the way she mocks the thing that he's most passionate about shocks him nearly speechless.

"You don't like movies!?" Jesse's voice is comically hysterical. Beca shakes her head and smiles demurely.

"Any movies?" Again, Beca only shakes her head.

"I just get bored and never make it to the ending." Jesse coughs as he roughly swallows another swig of beer.

"What!? The endings are the best part." Beca chuckles and Jesse can see how much she's enjoying this torment.

"They're predictable, and usually cliché. They just don't reflect real life."

"Oh, so you're a realist? Movies are supposed to be an escape from life, not a mirror of the hell we live every day. Why would anyone watch movies if they didn't have happy endings?"

"I guess I just have better things to do with my time." Jesse feigns injury and sees a spark of concern in Beca's eyes.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to belittle your work. Movies just aren't for me." Jesse lets her toil for a moment as she grasps for a way to save the conversation.

"So, what, specifically, do you do?" Jesse smiles, knowing most girls are suckers for musicians.

"I'm actually a composer. I score movies; compile soundtracks, write theme music, that kind of thing."

"Wow, that's impressive." Beca's face shows genuine amazement.

"It pays the bills." Jesse tries for modesty, even though he knows Beca can see right through it.

"Well, it must pay pretty well considering…" Beca fades off as she gestures to Jesse's clothes, her drink, and the club in general. Jesse can only laugh, ducking his head to hide the blush that creeps onto his face.

"So, Beca, what do you do?" She looks away, takes a sip of her drink, and continues to look everywhere, except for Jesse's eyes.

"It can't be that bad. You're here, aren't you?" Beca turns back to him, a pink wash of color on her cheeks.

"I uh –" Beca looks away, fiddling with the rim of her martini glass.

"Come on, I told you what I do. And I'm assuming you live in LA if you're here. And judging from the amazing dress you're wearing, I'd say you don't do too bad for yourself either."

Beca's blush broadens and spreads across her face and down her neck. Jesse is entranced as he watches the wave of color creep down her neck and onto her chest, where the color disappears under the edge of her dress.

"I uh –I work at BassTone Records." Beca's voice is shy, and she scratches nervously at her arm.

"No way, that's awesome." Jesse is thoroughly impressed. He knows of the record label, but who is he kidding. Anyone who has _any_ interest in music knows about BassTone; it is one of the biggest labels in LA.

"So, what do you do at BassTone?" Beca looks young, but she also looks as though she is paid very well, so Jesse knows she has to be pretty high up in the company.

Jesse's confusion over this woman grows more every second, as Beca breaks eye contact and drains her glass. She turns around and asks the bartender for another. Jesse interrupts when she tells the bartender to add it to her own tab; insists that it, and all of the rest of her drinks for the night, be added to his own tab.

"You're avoiding my question. You either are the worst or best paid employee at the company, so tell me which it is." Jesse smiles genuinely at her and places his hand on her elbow, trying to be convincing. Beca continues to avoid, so Jesse pushes.

"So, you clearly know the owner, right?" Beca ducks her head and stares at her shoes.

"I guess you could say that." Jesse is baffled. Is_ she sleeping with the owner and doesn't want to admit it?_

"Is the owner your father?" Beca laughs a long laugh and lets her head drop back, her amusement consuming her for a moment.

"No, Jesse, my father is not the owner of BassTone." There is a leading edge to her voice and Jesse's curiosity grows exponentially. Jesse thinks for a moment and concentrates on the look in Beca's eyes. Suddenly, a thought dawns on him and he realizes why she's playing coy.

"Oh my god, _you_ own BassTone, don't you?" Beca's cheeks flame from pink to nearly red and Jesse knows he's hit the nail on the head.

"Oh my god." Jesse's voice is a combination of awe, admiration, disbelief, and desire.

Beca smiles and turns to the bar to grab her next martini. She dows it in a single gulp and motions for the bartender to get her another. Jesse stares at her, impressed with not only her job, but her ability to down a stiff drink. She shifts under his gaze and finally meets his eyes with her own.

"Yeah, that's usually the response I get. So I don' t normally tell people that bit of my job. I usually just tell people I'm a sound engineer, because that's true enough." Beca fidgets and messes with her hair.

"Well, I'm glad I know. I am extremely impressed and honestly, kind of turned on." Beca laughs a hearty laugh and brings her hand to rest on Jesse's forearm.

"Well, I'm flattered then. Usually people, especially men, are intimidated by my title and success. It makes for awkward conversation when I have a higher position that them." Jesse nods his head and leans into Beca's warm, soft body.

"I'm not intimidated by your success. But I am intimidated by this sexy dress and that devilish look in your eyes." Beca's eyes sparkl at Jesse, and again he sees the look that was an invitation, or a dare. He is unsure.

Beca is wearing an incredibly sexy dress. It is tight and midnight blue and barely covers her ass. It is strapless and has a plunging neckline that covers just enough of her best asset that she looks sexy, not slutty. The dress is paired with a pair of black, shimmery, _fuck-me_ heels. Her curly hair only adds to her sex appeal. It hangs in soft curls around her face, neck, and shoulders and looks so touchable that Jesse has a very hard time restraining. He can picture himself getting lost in her hair, her eyes, her chest.

_Tell her not to get obsessed, second-guessing everything you said and done  
And then when she gets upset tell her how you never meant to hurt no one_

Then you tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again  
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend  
And then you let her down easy

Jesse should have said 'no' when she asked him to dance. He should have politely turned her down and walked back to his friends. He had a girlfriend, after all. He shouldn't have bought her a drink (or several). He shouldn't have even walked over to her at all. He should have looked away the first moment his eyes beheld her. He should have stopped himself. Because now, he was in too deep.

_Call your girlfriend  
It's time you had the talk  
Give your reasons  
Say it's not her fault  
But you just met somebody new_

As they dance to the fast, heady music, Jesse feels things stir in his heart and core that he hadn't felt in a very long time. Sure, he loved his girlfriend, but he hadn't felt such raw, unadulterated passion for a very long time, if ever, with her. The way Beca makes his heart stutter, and his pants grow painfully tight has him wanting to cut the club and take Beca home. When she leans into him and places a feather soft kiss to his lips, he literally sees explosions of color behind his eyes. He feels dizzy and thinks he might tip over. Beca's arms around him are the only things keeping him from floating away, right out of the club.

_Don't you tell her how I give you something that you never even knew you missed  
Don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss_

You just tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again  
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend  
And then you let her down easy

A slower song comes on and Jesse is surprised when Beca tries to walk off the dance floor. He hooks his arm around her waist before she can escape and pulls her body into his, fully feeling her curves for the first time. He lets his hand skim over her back and onto her waist and rests it just above the curve of her ass. He feels her gasp when he pulls her against himself even further and intertwines his fingers with hers as he begins to sway to the slower music.

Her head snaps up and her eyes search his. The innocent look on her face drives him wild and he can't help but draw his lips to hers again. This time, he takes his time kissing her, and when she grants him entrance into her mouth, he explores it with a slow frenzy.

_Call your girlfriend  
It's time you had the talk  
Give your reasons  
Say it's not her fault  
But you just met somebody new  
And now it's gonna be me and you_

His girlfriend is the farthest thing from his mind as he kisses Beca senseless. He feels her knees grow weak and her weight rest against him more heavily. He hears her soft moans and feels the way she pushes her breasts against his chest.

_And you tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again  
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend  
And then you let her down easy_

His girlfriend could not be further from his mind when he pushes Beca into the bathroom stall and ravages her mouth so intensely, she cries out. His hands are all over her body, pressing, feeling, squeezing, teasing. Beca pants breathlessly and presses herself as close to him as possible.

_Call your girlfriend (call your girlfriend)  
It's time you had the talk  
Give your reasons  
Say it's not her fault_

His girlfriend is not on his mind at all as he wishes that Beca was his. He wishes that he could spend every moment with her, getting to know her and yes, kissing her. But he realizes, as their endeavor is about to enter the land of no return, that he desperately wants all of that with Beca. And he realizes that if he doesn't stop them, or at least slow _way_ down, she will never be more than a one night stand.

"Beca," Jesse's voice comes out in a breathless grunt.

"Yeah?" Beca's voice is equally as breathless, but still endlessly ladylike. Jesse grinns against her neck, where his lips are drawing a line of fire.

"We need to stop."

Jesse hates the way the words taste as they come out of his mouth, and even more than that, he hates the way she instantly stiffens at his words. Jesse feels Beca's tight grip on his shoulders grow slack, and the leg he hadn't even realized she had hiked onto his hip slide back down to the floor.

"I really, _really_ do not want to stop –" Jesse lets his voice trail off for a moment, feeling the desire still pulsing through both of their bodies.

"But you have a girlfriend?" Beca's voice comes out in a vulnerable whisper, and Jesse could kick himself.

_Call your girlfriend  
It's time you had the talk  
Give your reasons  
Say it's not her fault  
But you just met somebody new_

"No, uh, that's not it." Jesse doesn't want to lie to her, but knows he'd never have a chance with her if he tells the truth.

"I like you a lot, and I don't want this to be a one-time thing." Jesse gently pulls out of Beca's loose grasp and looks her square in the eyes. They are unreadable.

"You are amazing, and I really would like to see more of you. I'm afraid that if we do –" Jesse gestures between their bodies.

"_This_, then we will part tomorrow morning and I will never see you again."

Beca's face softens and she reaches up to rest her palms on Jesse's muscular chest. She takes a step toward him, entering his space and spreading the scent of her hair and skin, overwhelming his senses entirely. Her lips meet his in a soft, slow kiss. _This is the stuff of movies_, Jesse thinks. His hands skim her body, one staying at her hip and the other finding her jaw. He rubs his thumb softly over her skin and feels her sigh into his mouth. She pulls back and smiles at him fondly.

"Buy me another drink and maybe I'll give you my phone number."

She turns to exit the single stall restroom, leaving Jesse smiling dumbly. He pushes thoughts of his girlfriend out of his head. _I'll deal with that later_, and rushes out of the bathroom, following Beca's swaying hips back to the bar.

Where he buys her another drink. And gets her phone number. And a goodbye kiss.

* * *

So, do you hate him? I sincerely hope you don't. I hate that excuse that people use to cheat:_ it's been over for a long time._ But if I were to write a back story for Jesse in this one, I would tell you that he hadn't seen his GF in several weeks. I would tell you that she lives in another country and has cheated on him a thousand times. I would tell you that he's endlessly patient with her, and that she's a real bitch. Then you will understand, and hopefully not hate him for indulging.

Anyway, the song is _Call Your_ _Girlfriend_ by Robyn. Please review! And don't forget to check out my new PP fic (A Lifetime) and my new twitter page (smashmo13).

Hugs,

Ash


	23. A Drop in the Ocean (Part 2)

**A/N:** Sheesh! Has anyone else had trouble with the site tonight? I have been trying to open FF in my browser for 30 minutes and have had absolutely no success until right this minute. How weird! But anyway, here is the continuation of the last chapter that everyone begged for. I hope it satisfies!

Just a note: I did not give the girlfriend a name, and instead used italicized pronouns for her (such as she, her, etc.) I feel like that gives her less of a personality, and creates less room for you as readers to feel sympathetic toward her. She's bad, mean, evil, remember?

Also, I used two songs and kind of interweaved them through the rest of the chapter, so please don't get confused!

I do not own the songs, the characters or PP itself. I wish! I do own the words, the plot, and the mistakes.

* * *

Jesse knew he needed to tell Beca the truth –about his girlfriend. He really felt stupid calling _her _that because that word implied a relationship; something he did not have with _her_. _She _had lived in Amsterdam for a year out of their almost two-year relationship. Jesse hadn't even seen _her_ in over nine months. The last time he saw _her_ was last Christmas, when _she_ came home to visit _her_ family. _She_ hadn't even wanted to see Jesse, but he'd reasoned with _her_ that since they were in a relationship, they should probably spend some time together. _She _had grumbled over the phone when Jesse called, and had been a major pain in the ass for the entirety of the **one **day they had spent together.

Jesse knew _she _was cheating on him. In fact, _she'd_ moved to Europe to be with him. He had an idiotic name that reminded Jesse of the word _ferret_. Jesse wasn't stupid. He knew that when _she_ had jumped at the chance to move across the ocean, when _she_ had never really expressed an interest in moving, traveling, or even just Europe in general, that _she_ had met someone. _She _had joined some online pen pal website just before they had gotten together, and her pen pal had been a woman in Finland. About nine months after their relationship became "official," _she_ had jumped a plane to visit the Finnish friend, and had even missed _her_ flight home because _she_ stayed an extra (and unplanned) 12 days. Jesse knew the minute he saw _her_ at the airport that _she_ had met someone else. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, but there was something different about _her. _It was almost like he could see it in _her _eyes; _her_ infidelity.

When he confronted _her_ about it, _she _had denied it point blank, saying that Jesse was mistrustful and paranoid. Jesse had dropped it and apologized, but the suspicion never left him. In fact, it grew exponentially, because _she _started getting mysterious long distance calls, and _she_ would always leave the apartment, making an excuse that _she_ needed to go back to _her_ own apartment, to take the call. A few weeks after _she _got back from Europe, _she_ decided that _she_ was going back. For good. _She _had never said anything about breaking up, and called occasionally, which made Jesse feel trapped into the "relationship." He didn't have the heart to break up with _her_ over the phone, without explicit due cause. And until now, he'd never really had a real reason. Now…now, he had Beca.

_A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven_

After that night in the club, Jesse and Beca had gone out almost every night, casually. Neither of them brought up the talk that defined their relationship, so Jesse just reveled in Beca's sarcastic humor and unrivaled beauty. Every time he looked at Beca, Jesse had to shake his head in wonder. _She_ had been pretty, even what would have been considered a "California Dime." _She _was a bottle blonde, with artificially tanned skin and dark eyes. _She _was tall and thin, but in a way that screamed "I try too hard." As Jesse thought back on it, _she_ hadn't even been that nice, and didn't have a great personality. He was seriously baffled as to why he had even dated _her _in the first place. Oh yeah, big boobs. He was seriously such an asshole sometimes.

_I don't wanna waste the weekend  
If you don't love me pretend  
A few more hours then it's time to go_

Beca had taken the cue that Jesse had given her at the club that night; the one about not wanting to rush into anything physical, and she had run with it. She would let Jesse hold her hand and lead her with his hand on her lower back. She let him sit close to her and lean into to kiss her. But she had deterred every make out session and had always kissed him goodnight from the safety of their shared cab. She never let him get out of the car and never invited him up to her apartment. She truly was a lady and Jesse didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky to get to spend time with a girl who wanted to protect whatever it was that they had, so fiercely.

_It's just a drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven_

Four months into his interlude with Beca, Jesse had unexpectedly received a phone call from _her_ when he was out getting coffee. She had called to wish him a happy 2nd anniversary. Jesse had been pissed and their conversation turned into a serious fight. Jesse's patience with _her_ stupidity and _her _games was wearing incredibly thin. For what seemed the millionth time, he wished he had just broken up with her before she left. His voice was escalating and he finally felt the bravado that he needed to be able to break up with her over the phone, from thousands of miles away. What he didn't know, was that Beca had walked into the coffee shop. She hadn't noticed him yet, either, but then Jesse's voice rose and Beca turned, recognizing him from behind.

_Misplaced trust and old friends  
Never counting regrets  
By the grace of God I do not rest at all_

"You know what, this is the end. I don't know why I didn't do this over a year ago, when you left, but I'm done."

Beca's ears piqued, trying to figure out who Jesse was speaking to, and what he was saying.

"Yes, that's right; I'm breaking up with you. Now you can go enjoy your stupid French boyfriend, Ferret."

Beca reared back, hearing the break up from just ten feet away. Her mind spun.

_And still I can't let you be  
Most nights I hardly sleep  
Don't take what you don't need from me_

She was glued to the spot as she watched Jesse hang up the phone and turn toward her. When his eyes landed on her, recognition dawned in his eyes and he took in the shock and hurt on Beca's face. He felt his insides churn and felt his mouth go dry. Beca truly looked horrified.

_It's just a drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my…_

He grappled with words, trying to figure out what to say to her. So much went through his head. They hadn't ever talked about being exclusive, they weren't sleeping together. Sure, they saw each other most nights, but that didn't mean they were _together_, did it? Should she be this upset right now?

At the same time, Jesse saw the betrayal written all over her face and knew he had messed up **big**. He should have called _her_ the night he met Beca. He had known that night that he wanted to get closer to Beca, and that he had zero interest in prolonging whatever it was he had –or didn't have –with _her._ He should have just been man enough, because Beca made him feel things he hadn't ever felt for _her. _Beca awoke things in his heart that he thought had been long dead and buried. Beca deserved better. He genuinely cared for Beca and even thought he might be falling for her.

_Should've kissed you there  
I should've held your face  
I should've watched those eyes  
Instead of run in place  
I should've called you out  
I should've said your name  
I should've turned around  
I should've looked again _

He watched helplessly as Beca suddenly jolted into movement. Her feet quickly carried her as she backed away from Jesse, her chin quivering, her curls bouncing as she shook her head. She turned and Jesse could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. She hurriedly exited the coffee shop and turned right. Jesse knew she was headed for her apartment, so he ran out after her, ignoring the protests of the barista over his unpaid coffee. He trailed Beca as she jogged down the street to her apartment building. Jesse caught up to her easily and battled what to do in his mind. Coming to a draw, he threw caution to the wind and reached out to catch her arm.

He grabbed her softly, but pulled her to a stop. He turned her around and tried to make eye contact. Beca had her head down, but Jesse could see the tracks of tears that stained her cheeks. She tried to pry her arm out of Jesse's grip, but he held her firmly. He could see that she wanted to turn away from him, but he wouldn't let her.

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
I 'm staring at the mess I made  
I 'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away _

"Jesse, please –just let me go."

He wasn't sure why –maybe it was the desperation in her voice, maybe it was the heartbreak in her eyes –but he let her go. She turned slowly and stopped. She looked back at him for a brief moment, before she turned again and started to walk away.

_Should've held my ground  
I could've been redeemed  
For every second chance  
That changed its mind on me  
I should've spoken up  
I should've proudly claimed  
That oh my head's to blame  
For all my heart's mistakes _

He let her walk away. He let her disappear into the building that was less than a block away.

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
I 'm staring at the mess I made  
I 'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away _

He stood on the pavement, unable to move. It took all of his might to keep pushing air out, and pulling oxygen in. Breathing had previously been involuntary, but now it felt like the hardest thing he'd ever done.

In. Out. In. Out.

_And it's you, and it's you  
And it's you, and it's you  
And it's falling down, as you walk away  
And it's on me now, as you go _

He stood there for what seemed a small eternity, before he followed the invisible path Beca had left in her wake. He found himself in front of her building, wondering how to move forward.

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made _

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away _

He opened the door, feeling the cool air from inside gush across his skin.

In. Out. In. Out.

He placed one foot in front of the other until he reached the attendant's desk. He gave her first and last name and after a quick lie about being her coworker and urgently needing to speak with her, the attendant told him the floor and apartment number.

In. Out. In. Out.

He walked to the elevator, waited for the lift to ding, before entering and pressing the shiny white button with a four on it.

In. Out. In. Out.

The floors passed slowly and Jesse was sure his heart would either burst out of his chest or stop beating entirely. He pushed air in and out of his lungs, willing his body to cooperate with him. The elevator finally arrived on the fourth floor and the doors slid open. He walked to her door and stood with his hand hovering over the slick wood finish for several breaths.

_A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven  
You are my heaven_

Finally finding enough courage, he let his hand drop on the door, rapping out a few quiet knocks. She came to the door almost instantly, and Jesse wondered if she had been waiting for him. Her face was blotchy and still streaked with tears when she opened the door, but she stepped to the side and let him in.

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
I 'm staring at the mess I made  
I 'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away _

He took a few tentative steps, and then was hit with all things Beca as he took in her apartment. Music posters lined the walls of her living room, and music paraphernalia littered the shelves and flat surfaces: recording equipment, records, music awards, CDs, paper with notes scrawled in her perfect script. The furniture was contemporary, but surprisingly girly. Jesse had pegged Beca for a modern minimalist. His heart beat painfully in his chest as he found himself surrounded by her essence, her smell, her home.

He stopped in the middle of the space that separated the kitchen from the living room and turned back to Beca. She bit her lip, to keep from whimpering and had her hands on her hips. Her body language was uncomfortable, but not defensive. Her walls had been wrecked down and Jesse knew he was to blame.

_And it's falling down, as you walk away  
And it's on me now, as you go _

Jesse watched as Beca took a shaky breath. The influx of oxygen made a new wave of tears disperse over her cheeks. Her eyes met his for the first time since she opened the door and Jesse felt his heart break.

"Beca –" She held up her hand, effectively silencing him.

"You've had a girlfriend this whole time?"

Her voice was wavering and thin. It sounded as though she was barely holding it together and Jesse knew he had never seen her so raw. He hesitated before answering her question; there was so much to explain.

"Yes, but –" Beca held up her hand again.

"You just said 'yes', so it doesn't really matter what you say next." She let her head drop and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Beca, please just let me try to explain." Jesse's voice was desperate enough to snatch Beca's attention. She was curious, so allowed him to speak. She gestured to the couch, and they sat down facing each other, a few feet apart.

Jesse started slowly, trying to explain the situation in a way that was truthful, but would win Beca to his side. He told Beca of _her_ infidelity and neglect, and how _she_ hadn't had the guts to break it off with him before _she_ left the country. He told Beca about _Ferret_, the French boyfriend. He told her about _her_ hostility and antagonism over the phone and the one time he'd seen _her_ since she moved to Europe. He explained the way he'd never really loved_ her,_ said that_ she_ was nothing more than a means to occupy his time, and that yes, he'd previously been an arrogant, shallow bastard. Up until that point, Beca had listened attentively, albeit with a cynical and disapproving look on her face. Then, Jesse switched gears and began to tell Beca about the night they met.

He told Beca about how enchanted he'd been with her, that he'd been instantly taken by her. He told her how the world seemingly stopped spinning and everything but her had faded away. He told her how his breath had been stolen when he laid eyes on her, and how her sense of humor and beautiful smile had won him over. He told her how she made his heart beat when it felt it had been dead inside his chest for a long time. He told her how he felt like he might burst when she was near, and how he was sure his stomach had fallen out of his abdomen, because being with her felt like he was flying, suspended in air. He told her that he was falling for her, and that he wanted nothing more than to spend every waking moment proving that to her. He told her that he would spend every day of the rest of his life apologizing to her, if that's what she needed from him.

Beca's face softened, and the defensive way that she held her body rigid, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle, her eyebrows knit fiercely together, softened too. He gave her the most sincere apology he was capable of (and the most sincere she'd ever heard) and drew her into his arms. She remained silent, but let him hug her. He felt her release her weight into him, and knew that she was completely relaxed. She grew so still that he thought she'd fallen asleep. What he was supposed to do next? Should he leave her apartment, leaving her alone after their first_ sortofmaybedefinitely_ fight? Should he stay cuddled on the couch with her? Should he carry her to bed and sleep on the couch? He was trying to figure out if he was forgiven, if things were going to be okay between them, when he heard her soft voice rise up from where she rested her head on his thigh.

"Will you stay the night?"

Her voice was so quiet that Jesse almost thought he'd imagined it. When she hadn't received a reply, Beca sat up and looked at Jesse with open, wondering eyes. This was the first time she had ever invited him to stay over, to share the vulnerability of sleep. And after what an ass he'd just made of himself, he knew he was in no position to turn her down and crush her hopes.

"Of course, I will."

Beca smiled and got up from the couch, taking his hand and pulling him to stand. She started toward her bedroom and glanced back to bestow another soft smile upon Jesse. He felt his fear, uncertainty, and every other negative feeling turn to happiness and the most intense love he'd ever felt for another person. He stopped Beca and pulled her into a kiss. He felt her body melt into his and he slowly walked them to her room, their lips never breaking contact. He laid her down gently on the bed and covered her with his. For the first time, they shared the most intimate act of human closeness. After, they curled into each other and fell asleep, Beca going first, giving Jesse the opportunity to watch her.

She was innocent, peaceful, and relaxed in her sleep. She was beautiful, and she was his. And Jesse had never felt luckier in his entire life.

_A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven  
You are my heaven_

* * *

Thoughts? Feelings? Please remember to review. Your reviews are what push me to write the next chapter. I don't mean to use bribery here (okay, maybe I do), but I will update sooner if you ALL review. Yes you. Please!?

Song cred: _A Drop in the Ocean_ by Ron Pope

_The Mess I Made_ by Parachute

Hugs,

Ash


	24. Last Kiss

**A/N:** Hello kitten chops! Surprise! I bet you all thought I'd fallen off the face of the planet with all these dumb exams. Well, I sort of have. But my sweet reader **Gabbygirl2221** suggested that I do a fic based on a Taylor Swift song. Now, don't get me started on T-Swift, because she is a _hot_ _mess_, but she has put out some very "writable" music...you know? So, here it is. Hope you like it. No promises for chapters soon. All the craziness in my life should be over in a few weeks. So, I should be back to posting fairly regularly then.

Love you guys and thank you so much for your support and patience! You're the best! And as always, mistakes are my own, and I do apologize for any in advance.

* * *

Beca is curled into the fetal position on the floor of her apartment. Her bed is only feet away from her, but her sorrow prevents her from making it all the way.

_I still remember the look on your face  
Lit through the darkness at 1:58  
The words that you whispered  
For just us to know  
You told me you loved me  
So why did you go away?  
Away_

She remembers the first time he told her that he loved her. He was dropping her off at her apartment and they had just kissed goodnight. She was still in his arms when he pulled her back slightly and whispered it in her ear. She had taken a quick inhale of breath and pulled further away from him, disbelief evident in her eyes. He had laughed and said it again, placing a soft kiss to her surprised, open mouth.

_I do recall now the smell of the rain  
Fresh on the pavement  
I ran off the plane  
That July 9th  
The beat of your heart  
It jumps through your shirt  
I can still feel your arms_

She recalls their first summer. Her father had made her fly back to her hometown to visit her mother the for the summer. She'd been angry, not wanting to part with Jesse for the entire summer. When she got to her mom's house, her mother had grilled her on Jesse, wanting to know every detail. Beca had begrudgingly told her _some_ things, and her mom had squealed with delight. She also told Beca she could return to Atlanta early, to spend the last month of summer with Jesse.

She had stepped off the plane and rushed into Jesse's arms. She could feel his heart beating erratically in his chest, and it felt like it would burst through his skin, into her palm that rested just above it. He squeezed her to his chest and kissed her forehead. She memorized the feel of his arms around her, noting the subtleties of every muscle.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss  
I never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips_

But now, she is left with nothing. She clutches at one of his t-shirts that he'd left at her apartment, still able to smell his scent. He was gone and there was nothing that she could do. She wants him back so desperately, she would trade oxygen for him.

_I do remember the swing of your step  
The life of the party, you're showing off again  
And I roll my eyes and then  
You pull me in  
I'm not much for dancing  
But for you I did_

She remembers the Treble party that he dragged her to, and remembers that it had been right around the time of their first anniversary. She didn't usually like to celebrate cliché things like that, but Jesse had convinced her to let the Treble party be their celebration. She conceded on the premise that maybe he wouldn't plan some cheesy dinner with flowers and presents.

She had been in good spirits when they got to the party. It was in full swing and everyone had been thoroughly liquored up. She and Jesse had each grabbed a beer, and while Jesse made the rounds to all of his friends, Beca looked around for someone she knew. She spotted Amy and Stacey a few paces away and walked over to join them. They greeted her cheerfully and tried to convince her to dance along with the music. She adamantly denied their request, but caved almost instantly when Jesse came up behind them and asked her to dance.

_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father  
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets  
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something  
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

She remembers little things, like the day Jesse had met her dad. It was the day of the ICCAs and it was awkward. Beca just wanted to get it over with, but Jesse had been excited to finally meet her old man. He was polite and gave Mr. Mitchell a firm handshake, coupled with direct eye contact. Beca had been impressed, because Jesse had given Mr. Mitchell what he admired most in another person; respect and determination. Jesse had unknowingly showed Mr. Mitchell that he was a man, and one that could hold his daughter's heart tenderly, but fight for her if needed.

She remembers the boyish way that Jesse walked, with his hands in his pockets, and his feet kicking rocks. She loved the way he was so casual with his life, the way it showed in his speech and behavior. But at the same time, he was completely intentional in the way he dealt with Beca. He always held her hand and spoke sweetly to her, even if they were carrying on with witty banter. He brushed hair away from her face and was never the first to look away during their starting contests. He 'got' her and she loved that about him.

It always used to piss her off when she'd be in the middle of saying something important to her and he'd cut her off with a kiss. She would always slap him away and roll her eyes, letting out a huffy breath and telling him he needed to mind his manners. He would always throw his head back in laughter, glad that he had been able to sidetrack her.

She would give anything for one of those interruptions now.

_And I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss  
Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips_

She curls into herself tighter, hugging his t-shirt more closely to her body. She lets her tears fall, unable to hold them back any longer. She doesn't understand and wants him back.

She lets herself cry for a while, before she picks herself up off the floor and goes about the rest of her night.

Weeks passed, and she was sad, yes, but she also knew she couldn't let it consume her. She tried to convince herself that she was okay, but night after night, she would find herself in a pool of tears on her pillow.

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe  
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
Hope it's nice where you are_

After the first two months, she was finally able to look him up on FaceBook. She kept up with him through pictures, her heart seizing painfully at the ones of his smiling face.

He's moved on. He's happy.

Without her.

She gets desperate, so she talks to Benji. He's happy, in New York. Benji says he's doing well and enjoying his work. It kills her to know he's doing so well, but at the same time, that's exactly what she wants for him.

_And I hope the sun shines  
And it's a beautiful day  
And something reminds you  
You wish you had stayed  
You can plan for a change in weather and time  
But I never planned on you changing your mind_

She remembers what ended up being their last kiss. They were at dinner, celebrating their three year anniversary. Yes, three years. She was more surprised than anyone else. They were about graduate, and they had both been applying to companies in their field. Beca had been trying to get information out of him about where he was applying. She was secretly trying to apply to jobs in the same cities, so that she would always be with him.

She had been so convinced that night that he was going to propose. She remembers being disappointed when he dropped her off at her apartment and kissed her goodnight. The date was ending just like every other one of their dates. He opened his mouth to say something, and Beca felt her stomach drop and her heart pick up speed. But then, Jesse thought better of it and closed his mouth, leaning in to kiss Beca again. The kiss had been consuming and passionate, but it had tasted just a little bit bitter. She didn't realize until exactly that moment that she had _wanted_ him to propose to her. The thought surprised and scared her a little bit. But she loved Jesse and she would have said yes.

Instead, she found herself trying to catch her breath, and then saying goodnight as he turned around to leave. She instantly missed the warmth of his body and ached to reach out to ask him to stay. But they had a rule; no staying overnight in each other's apartments. She was the one that came up with the rule, in order to keep them from moving too fast. Jesse somehow messed with her mind, making her not see things clearly. So, they never stayed the night and, and then she was kicking herself.

_So I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss  
Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips_

Nights are the hardest. It seems like the very essence of him is scarred into her memory, and the fact that he never slept over, makes it that much harder to be in her bed. Yes, they'd shared the bed _intimately_, but he'd never given her the comfort that only comes with cuddling up to each other to weather the night together.

_Just like our last kiss  
Forever the name on my lips  
Forever the name on my lips_

Had she known that would be their last kiss, she would have better committed it to memory. If she had known that would have been their last night as a couple, she would have asked him to stay the night.

_Just like our last..._

If she had known…

* * *

He had kicked himself every moment since he walked away from her. It was admittedly the biggest mistake he had ever made. Sure, he was enjoying his time in New York, but it meant nothing because it was hollow, empty. Life would never mean anything if he didn't get to share it with her.

What had he been thinking? He stalked her religiously online. He followed her on all of her social media sights and noticed that she rarely posted anything, and when she did, it was never anything personal. Her 'status updates' were never anything about herself, and if she ever posted a picture, it was never of herself. It would always be a picture of a tree, a new album she'd purchased, a random bird in the park. Even her twitter page had gone radio silent. She literally had not posted a single time since he left, and she had been the type to update it at least three times a week.

His guilt gnawed at him night and day. The place where his heart used to be ached with the absence of her. He was sure he'd left his heart with her when he turned his back. He had done it so carelessly; broken her.

He hadn't just broken her heart, he had broken her entirely. He hated himself for it. Every day he tried think of a way that he could take it all back. He wanted to walk back into her life, sweep her off her feet, and make her forget all the bad that he'd caused.

He knew that was too easy. He knew he couldn't just fix everything by _willing_ it to be better.

When Benji called to tell him that Beca had asked about him, he nearly came unglued. He didn't hear another word Benji said until he invited Jesse to hang out with him for some alumni event at Barden. Since most of his friends were still there (most of them stayed in Atlanta for their jobs), he agreed and figured he could make a whole weekend out of it.

The weekend had gone pleasantly enough. The event at Barden had been fun, and he gotten to see most of the old Trebles and some of the old Bellas. He laughed that it was an "alumni" event, when most of those in attendance had only graduated a few months previous. He was disappointed that Beca had not attended, though he was not surprised. She wasn't one for nostalgia.

He had asked their old friends some pretty pointed questions about her, and they had all been polite, albeit cautious. He learned that she was still living in the same apartment and did not work on the weekends, so she would probably be home. He had kicked himself enough the last six months, he was not going to leave Atlanta without seeing her.

He gathered all the courage he could muster and traveled the familiar footpath from Barden to her apartment. He took the stairs two at a time and stood outside her door for what seemed an eternity. Finally, not able to bear the suspense anymore, knocked on her door.

It took a few seconds (27 to be exact, he'd counted) for her to open the door. He wasn't sure who she'd been expecting, but the stunned expression on her face told him that it wasn't him. She opened her mouth to speak, but was so dazed that only air escaped her lips. Jesse smiled sheepishly, wondering not for the first time, why he had ever given her up.

Beca had finally seemed to snap out of her head and cleared her throat. Her voice was hoarse and uneven as she spoke and came out almost in a whisper. Her body language was entirely that of someone who was uncomfortable and unsure.

"What are you doing here, Jesse?"

Instead of replying, he stepped toward her, invading her space. He could smell the faint scent of her shampoo and feel the warmth radiating off her body. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close to his chest as he could manage. She gasped and stiffened.

"I'm sorry Beca. I will never leave you again."

At his apology, Beca's body softened and she melted into him, allowing silence to take the place of the thousand questions and worries that had previously plagued her mind. They stood there, hugging, neither person saying a word. Words were not needed.

* * *

Review please! Reviews=love. Plus also, they spur me on when I get bored studying for exams! :-D

Lots of Love,

Ash


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